“But it’s my face, AJ!” I had to make him understand why I was so upset. “I can’t hide my face from everyone for the rest of my life.”
“Sam, you could have been killed. Don’t you think that a few scratches on your face aren’t that big of a deal?” He asked.
“A few scratches?” I scoffed. He looked defeated and loosened his grip on my hands.
“I need a mirror,” I demanded.
He frowned at me. “Absolutely not. It doesn’t matter.” He emphasized every word like I was hard of hearing. His sternness forced me to give up. The unyielding expression on his face softened and he let me go. My eyes followed him as he dragged his chair over to the side of the bed. He sat down and stared at the floor while he spoke. “I was so scared when I got the message from your dad. He sounded so worried and I thought you were…….I didn’t know what to think. I felt so stupid for getting mad about that whole thing when I considered that that could’ve been our last conversation.” He paused. “I know you were telling me the truth. I should’ve believed you in the first place.”
Having him back was definitely a dream come true, but if I was going to be worthy of him trusting me totally, I’d have to tell him everything – even about the kiss. The monitor beside my bed began beeping erratically as my pulse quickened with the thought of laying everything bare. He looked at the machine and then back at me with concern in his eyes. “AJ, there’s something else that you need to know.” He looked up at me questioningly. “In October when we first started going out…..Antonio kissed me……and I didn’t stop him.” AJ looked so disappointed in me that I almost regretted telling him, but he deserved to know. “It was wrong and I’m not making excuses for what I did.” He didn’t move at all. “Do you want me to stop?” I asked, considering that this was too much for him.
He cleared his throat. “No, I’m fine. Go ahead.” I knew that telling him this could end badly, but I had to tell him. I wanted him back, but I wanted for us to have a clean slate. I owed him that.
“Well, it was around the time that we got into that argument about you not telling your parents about me. Antonio called just to check on me.” AJ rolled his eyes, not believing that was Antonio’s only motive. “He asked me if we could hang out and I agreed,” I added.
“He came to your house?” AJ asked.
There was no easy way to put this. It was as bad as it sounded. “No, he asked me to come over to his house.” AJ put his head down. “I went and we sat together on the couch to talk. And that was honestly my only intention……but I guess he had other plans.” I didn’t go into any more detail than that.
AJ was thoughtful for a moment. “Is that everything?” He asked through clenched teeth.
“Everything,” I replied. There was a weight lifted off my shoulders, but I wasn’t sure what having that sense of relief just cost me.
His nostrils flared a little as I watched his shoulders rise and fall with each breath. He was trying to deal with what I’d just told him and I understood that it wasn’t an easy thing. “I know that he kissed you, but why’d you let him?” He asked dryly.
“That question has crossed my mind too, but I’m not really sure. I guess I didn’t want to hurt him anymore than I already had by pushing him away and rejecting him again.” I hesitated as I tried to dissect my own logic. “Maybe at the time there were still some confused feelings. Keep in mind that our breakup was sudden and I probably didn’t make as clean of a break as I thought I did. “
It surprised me to see that he seemed to understand what I was trying to say. He moved his hand back to mine and gripped it firmly. What was he thinking? “We didn’t get together under ideal circumstances and I can see how you could’ve gotten caught up like that.” He stared straight into my eyes as he spoke. “I’m glad you told me.”
“I’m so sorry, AJ”