“I don’t even know how to deal with this. There’s nothing I can do to fix it,” he said helplessly. He took a few deep breaths trying to fight back his emotions. Seeing him like this was more than I could stand. Anger, hurt, and disbelief all consumed me at once. We cried together that night, both mourning the same loss. Our lives were linked together by so many threads, but none as strong as this one.
The next morning, I was hurting much more than the night before. It felt like every muscle in me was bruised and battered. Every time the nurses came in to check on me throughout the night, AJ and my parents were there with me. I noticed that he’d changed his clothes, so he must have gone home early and returned before I awoke. My parents were gathering their things when Mom turned and noticed that I was awake. “Good morning, Baby. We’re going home to get changed, but we won’t be gone for more than a couple hours.”
“Ok,” I replied. It was hard to speak through the pain. She noticed and started to walk back toward me.
“I’ll be here with her. Don’t worry Mrs. Kelley,” AJ assured her. She stopped midstride and looked at him caringly. She smiled briefly and followed Daddy out of the room.
AJ turned to face me. “You need me to get the nurse?” He asked.
“Please.”
He jumped up quickly and ran from the room. When he returned the nurse rushed in with him. She carried in her hand, a full bag of medicine to hook up to my IV. She made the switch quickly. “It shouldn’t take long for this to kick in,” she said and smiled sweetly before leaving AJ and I alone in the room. He watched me writhing in pain as I grunted and groaned, trying to cope with it. After a few minutes, he began to feel powerless at the thought of not being able to help me and dropped his gaze.
It took about twenty minutes for the morphine to take the edge off. My breathing slowed as the pain subsided. “Is it getting better?” He asked softly.”
“A little. Everything aches. Even my legs and I didn’t notice that yesterday.”
“Just try to stay still,” he replied. That was easier said than done. It was going to drive me crazy being stuck in this bed. I wanted to get in the shower so bad, but I knew that was out of the question for today. My toothbrush was calling my name and so was my comb. I found that I was immediately self conscious about the way I looked. AJ kissed my forehead once and tried to kiss my lips, but I turned my head.
“What?” He asked.
“I didn’t brush my teeth or anything. I’m a mess.”
“Who cares?” He laughed at me and then realized that I wasn’t backing down. He sighed and sat in his seat.
There was a buzzing sound coming from the clear bag that contained my belongings on the table. I hoped that it was Deanna calling to say that she was on her way. AJ arose from his seat and grabbed my phone and his expression soured as he looked at the caller ID.
“Who is it?” I asked, but he ignored my question and answered the call.
“What?” He said callously.
I couldn’t hear the voice on the other end, but I had a pretty good idea of who he was talking to and it wasn’t Deanna. “She’s fine,” he stated flatly. “She doesn’t feel like talking, so what do you want?” He paused another few seconds. “Yeah, whatever,” he said sharply just before hanging up.
My expression was questioning. “I guess word travels fast.” A look of frustration crossed his face as he spoke the words. “Antonio’s on his way.” He didn’t look happy about this, but I was proud of him for not flipping out on the phone.
“You should’ve just told him not to come.”
“Why?” He asked dryly.
“I don’t know. After what you and I talked about yesterday I think I’d rather just not talk to him at all anymore.”
“I’m fine. Besides you won’t have to deal with him for much longer. I doubt he’s gonna try to drive all the way to your school to see you.”
In the spirit of not keeping anymore secrets, I had to be upfront with A.J……about everything “Ummm…..about that.”
His expression was cross. “What now?”