My heart was beating wildly from the rush of pain that I’d just experienced and I noticed that taking deep breaths was difficult. I heard someone move closer to me and then there was a rustling sound off to my left. “Her blood pressure is still elevated, so that tells us that she’s still in quite a bit of pain. I’m increasing the morphine – that should help take the edge off,” the unfamiliar voice stated. A few seconds later I felt woozy and in spite of how hard I fought it I drifted off to sleep.
When I came to again, my eyes focused more clearly than before. My parents were still sitting at my side and then I noticed AJ in a chair at the foot of the bed, leaning back staring up at the ceiling. I wanted so bad to call out to him, but I didn’t have the strength. I lifted my hand as high as I could and that was enough to get his attention. He immediately got up from his seat and rested his hand on mine. Tears welled in his eyes as he stared at me lying there helplessly.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered. My chest tightened when I became emotional and there was a sharp pain in my side.
“Don’t try to talk. I was being stupid about the whole thing. None of that matters,” he replied softly. A tear rolled down my cheek and I felt a rush of relief flow through my body at the realization that he’d forgiven me.
“How bad is it?” I asked. He had to lean in to hear what I was saying.
“It could have been a lot worse. Don’t worry about that for right now.” He was trying to pacify me with that answer, but he knew better. He took a breath and looked up at my parents. I’m guessing that after he got the ok from them, he continued. “Two of your ribs are broken; you have a concussion and stitches in your arm from where the glass cut you.”
I began to recall bits and pieces from the accident. The image of Leila’s face just before she careened into me flashed into my mind. “Where is she?” I asked in a panicked whisper. AJ knew exactly who I was talking about. He looked remorseful and dropped his gaze to the floor. When he lifted his eyes to meet mine, he shook his head from side to side. She didn’t make it? It didn’t make sense. How was I still here and she wasn’t?
“How did you know I was here?” I asked.
“Your father called me as soon as he got the call from the police,” AJ explained. “Then I called everybody else. Deanna, Karl, Randy and Chris are all in the waiting room.”
“Did she tell you what happened with Leila?” I inquired.
His expression was solemn. “Yeah, she told me everything,” he said as he lowered his head. “This is all my fault. I should’ve made sure that she…” He started to tear up again, so he stopped midsentence.
“AJ you had no way of knowing that she would do something like this. Stop blaming yourself. I’m just glad you’re here.” I wished that I could sit up and hug him. If I were able, I probably wouldn’t have ever let him go.
“Let’s give them some privacy, James,” Mom whispered. She stood and patted my hand sympathetically before they exited the room. When they were out of sight, AJ leaned down and kissed me cautiously. I’d missed his touch so much and had feared that I wouldn’t be this close to him again. He was noticeably careful, which struck me as strange.
“Are you scared to touch me now?” I asked, smiling weakly. He seemed like my question was making him nervous and I saw his eyes wandering over my face. “What?” I asked, starting to panic.
“Nothing……it’s nothing,” he said reassuringly and forced a smile, but I didn’t believe him. I struggled to lift my hands slowly to my face and pressed them against it hesitantly. There were so many tiny gashes that I couldn’t even find one inch of clear skin.
“What happened? Give me a mirror!” I demanded hysterically.
AJ grabbed my hands as I frantically touched each gash. He tried to calm me down, but I fought against him for a few seconds until the pain in my left side limited my strength. He held my hands down to my sides to keep me from hurting myself.
“Sam, you have to calm down. It’s not as bad as you think.” He stared at me as I panted. “The doctors said that they’re not even bad enough to stitch up.” He was doing his best to keep me calm, but it wasn’t working. All I could think about was looking like a monster when this was all over with.