Mom frequently passed by my door to see if anything had changed, but she found nothing but me staring off into space. The concept of me without him didn’t make any sense. I’d already made room in my future for him and had no clue how to undo any of that. If I couldn’t have him, then I wouldn’t have anyone. There was no one else that could ever come close to filling the deep impression that he made on my life from that very fist moment of impact in the school hallway that day.
By day four I attempted to talk to my parents about what happened, but started crying before I even got through my first sentence. Mom consoled me, holding me and stroking my back gently. In the hall, I heard my father make a call and then about an hour later he left and came back with a bottle of pills. He handed me two and I took them without protest or even asking what they were for. I must have been out for a while because I didn’t come back to consciousness until it was dark outside. Mom heard me stirring and ran right in to check on me and I could see that something was on her mind. She sat next to me on my bed and reached for my hand.
“Sweetie, your father and I have been talking and……” Daddy entered the room on Cue. “We think that it might do you some good to talk to someone. You know……someone who has insight and experience. Who knows? They may be able to help you through this better than your father and I can.” Was she saying that I needed psychotherapy?
“Mom, I don’t need a shrink.” I need AJ.
Her forehead creased as she looked at me sympathetically. “Well, sweetie, don’t think of it that way. We just think you need a little help getting through……whatever it is that you’re going through.”
“No one can help me. I just wanna be alone,” I replied.
She watched me for another few seconds and then rose up from my bed. I wasn’t ready to talk about it, but I’d have to do something to show them that I hadn’t completely gone off the deep end. So, Thursday marked the morning of day five and I got up at around eleven, showered and even did my hair. When my mother returned home from work, she found a more normal looking me sitting upright on the couch staring at some show on the TV – she didn’t have to know that I wasn’t really watching it.
“Well, I’m glad to see you up. Want me to make you something to eat?” She asked.
I smiled politely. “No, thanks. I’m fine.”
She frowned a little, not being totally satisfied yet because my appetite hadn’t returned. She watched me from the corner of her eye as she passed by. As soon as I lost sight of her, I immediately wiped the fake smile off of my face and slumped down in the couch like I was before she walked in. I sat there for about another half hour just to make sure she’d bought the act before I returned to my room. I shut and locked the door and climbed back underneath my cover.
Laying there, I decided to try calling AJ again. I dialed and waited in vain for him to answer. Voicemail. Frustration took over again. I had to talk to someone. Of course I could call Deanna, but I wasn’t quite ready for that yet. I wasn’t sure that AJ hadn’t talked to Karl already and I felt a little embarrassed at the thought of them thinking that I’d cheated on him with Antonio. I picked up my phone again and called Angel to get her take on the situation. Hopefully she wasn’t too busy to pick up.
“Sammy!” She answered.
She always could make me smile. “Hey. You busy?” I asked. She could tell by my tone that something was wrong.
“Nope. What’s the matter? And don’t lie and say nothing. I’m not stupid.”
She knew me too well. “AJ and I broke up last week.”
Angel gasped on the other end. “Shut up!” She yelled into the phone. “What happened?”
“Angel, it’s so……sooo messed up. I don’t even know how to explain it.”
“Did he do something to you?”
“No, it’s just a big misunderstanding.”
“Did he find out about the kiss or something?” She asked.
“Not that either.” I paused. “Antonio and I went out a few days after Christmas – just as friends – but I think Antonio set me up. He had somebody take a picture of us there that night and then sent it to AJ’s phone on prom night.”