“Yeah, and then I’m going to kidnap my little guy for the day.” It makes no sense, but I’m miffed at the fact that I had no clue he and Jacob were spending the day together. It’s not as if I have any right to know what plans Xavier makes for his child, but I don’t like this feeling of being out of the loop in his life after so many months of daily interaction.
Jacob runs out of the bedroom, not stopping until he wraps his arms around my thighs. I see Xavier’s face fall and crouch down so I’m at Jacob’s level. “I think your daddy wants good morning hugs,” I whisper in his ear, ruffling the already messy hair on top of his head.
“Did you sleep with me last night?” Jacob asks sweetly. I nod, not wanting to say too much right now. I won’t lie to him, but I worry that if I open my mouth, he’ll hear something in my voice that will have him asking me to stay with him again and that won’t work. Xavier has to figure out how to deal with the bad dreams at some point so we don’t give Jacob false hope. “Thank you.”
He kisses the tip of my nose before turning on his heel to run out of the kitchen. I stay there, hidden by the lower cabinets, while I will the ache in my chest to ease up. “Unca Braydon!” Jacob squeals. I stand needing to know if Xavier has been pushed to the back of the hug line again, this time by his brother. Xavier needs to understand that there’s no pecking order when it comes to who Jacob hugs when, but I can see why it’s hard for him. One of Xavier’s biggest regrets in life is not being there for Jacob more and he’s convinced that, somehow, the boy will hold that against him now. Luckily, I see Jacob securely in his father’s arms as both older men tickle him. And that brings back that clenching feeling around my heart.
It’s more than apparent that I wasn’t thinking this morning when I allowed Melanie to get so close to me. I caught one whiff of the scent of her flowery body wash and vanilla shampoo and the smaller head took over all thinking. And now, I have to pretend that there isn’t a painful erection threatening to hit the underside of the table as we eat breakfast as a family. Braydon keeps cocking his head in Melanie’s direction as if to say, “I told you so, you stupid fuck.” If he does it again, I might not be able to resist the urge to knock that bobble head off his shoulders. There’s enough going through my head without worrying about him giving me a hard time too.
“Where are we going, Unca Braydon?” Jacob asks, syrup dripping off his chin. I keep telling myself I’m going to make him cut back on how much syrup he uses every day, but for now, it just seems easier to keep buying fresh bottles.
“Do you want to go to the zoo? And then we could go to Ella’s for ice cream after.” By the time my brother brings Jacob home, I’ll be lucky if I’m not peeling him off the ceiling from how much sugar he’s undoubtedly consume today. But it’ll be worth it because I need some time with Melanie where we don’t have to worry about little ears.
“Are Daddy and Miss Melanie coming with?” His eyes light up at the thought of this being a group outing.
“Buddy, I thought you might want to spend some time alone with Uncle Braydon today since you haven’t seen him in a while,” I tell him, hoping to defuse what could easily turn into a tantrum. Jacob has an attachment to Melanie that I fear isn’t exactly healthy given the circumstances. “And maybe we can see if Miss Melanie would like to come over for dinner when you get home. Would that be okay?”
I shift my gaze from Jacob to Melanie and see her nodding subtly. In a former life, I would have been upset by how much it feels as if she’s giving me her reassurance and approval, but this morning, with the memory of last night’s dream still fresh in my mind, it’s exactly what I need. I don’t give a damn if I’m grinning like a schoolboy who just received praise from the teacher, I only care that she’s telling me that I’m starting to figure out this whole parenting gig.
Melanie disappears into Jacob’s room when she’s done eating. A few minutes later, she reappears with a change of clothes, shoes and Jacob’s backpack. She gives me a timid look, as if she thinks she’s done something wrong by taking care of my son as if he’s her own. She mouths the words, “I’m sorry,” and I’m tempted to pull her into my bedroom to figure out why she’s suddenly acting this way. When we were at the condo, she had no problem getting Jacob dressed, telling him what the plans were for the day or urging him to hurry when he was taking his sweet time doing something. But now that we’re home, she’s apologizing for doing what comes so naturally to her.
“When you’re finished, your daddy will help you get cleaned up and dressed so you can go with Braydon, okay?” She clips Brody’s leash onto his collar, scooping him off the ground. It’s not until she reaches for the toy bag that I realize she’s trying to leave.