I’ve been sitting in the dark since Melanie left. I turned out the lights so I could watch her walk home without her seeing me if looked toward my window. After the third time her head turned to look behind her, I thought about going to make sure she made it home safely. And so I could say goodnight to her without running the risk of Jacob coming out of his bedroom.
Swirling the whiskey around in my glass before taking another sip, I wish for a time when life made sense. Now that I’m alone, the anger is returning to me. I’m pissed off at Alyssa for leaving me. She fought me tooth and nail when I didn’t want her in my life, screaming at me that her son deserved to be raised by two parents. And me, being the asshole that I was, told her she didn’t give a shit about me, she just wanted my money and a nice place to live. God, I was such a prick to her, but she never gave up on me. Why couldn’t she put that same fight into her own life?
Now, I’m sitting in a dark room of what is supposed to be my new home, wondering how in the hell I’m supposed to raise Jacob on my own. Now that he doesn’t have the distractions of the beach and Melanie is back at her place, he’s going to start asking questions. He has to, doesn’t he? And what does it say about me, as his father, if he doesn’t? Am I supposed to push the issue, force him to tell me that he misses his mother? This is why I always said I didn’t want to be a parent. I’m not equipped to handle messes like this, especially not alone.
Someone thumping on my front door crashes my pity party. I get up, wondering who would be stopping by to see me after eleven o’clock on a Tuesday night. Cracking the door open, expecting it to be someone who didn’t get the memo that the previous tenant moved out, I see my older brother’s imposing frame leaning against the door jamb.
“You going to let me in?” he asks, sounding a bit irritated with me. I suppose that’s understandable seeing as I’ve been going out of my way to avoid answering his calls. I open the door and detour to the kitchen as he looks around my new place. “Not bad, little brother. Gotta hand it to that girl of yours, she did a good job setting this up.”
“She’s not my girl,” I respond a little too quickly. I refill my glass and pour another for Braydon.
“Keep telling yourself that, Xavier,” he laughs. He downs the whiskey in one swallow, reaching for the bottle. Apparently, it’s going to be one of those nights. “I’d be willing to bet you two are back together by Christmas.”
“Fuck, man! Alyssa hasn’t even been gone for two months and you’ve already got me back with Melanie in your mind. What is wrong with you?” I growl, annoyed by how close to the truth he is. But I can’t act on whatever I’m feeling because she’s not rebound material.
“There’s not a damned thing wrong with me. Look, I’m not saying you should jump into bed with her, but you’d have to be blind to not see how much she cares about the two of you.” Braydon gets comfortable in one of my living room chairs as I settle into the couch. “And I know you well enough to know that she’s the one that got away. As much as it sucks that Alyssa died, maybe this is how things were meant to be. You two were fucking idiots when you were together before, but you have something special.”
My brother has apparently been spending too much time with the girls that work for him. I’m not used to all of this touchy feely shit from him.
“It sucks that Alyssa is gone?” I crack my knuckles, barely holding onto my anger with how casually he made such a stupid comment. “That might just be the understatement of the fucking year. And how can you fucking say that this is how things are supposed to be?” I take a few deep breaths, worried that, if I don’t calm down, we’re going to wake Jacob. “Do you seriously mean to tell me that my son was supposed to get robbed of a lifetime with his mother? That’s fucking low, even for you!”
I storm into the kitchen, needing to put space between us before I knock Braydon flat on his ass. I’m pretty sure a domestic disturbance call wouldn’t be the best way to introduce myself to the neighbors.
“That’s not what I’m saying and you know it,” Braydon seethes. He follows me, standing on the opposite side of the breakfast bar. He leans against the high counter, hanging his head. “Look, we all miss Al. Once she got her attitude in check, she was a pretty cool chick. It sucks that she’s gone. But maybe there is a reason that Melanie was the person assigned to take care of her for those last months. Do you think anyone else would have stuck around after the job was done, making sure that your rank ass didn’t do anything stupid? Would another nurse have followed you to North Carolina or called your son every night to read him bedtime stories?”