“Alyssa, you have to know I didn’t take the assignment in order to come back into his life,” I blurt out, as much for my benefit as for hers. “And I’ve wanted to tell you since that first day, but every night that I went home without saying anything, the harder it became. I didn’t plan any of this,” I cry.
When Alyssa reaches out both of her arms to me, I crawl beside her on the bed and we hold one another as we bawl. “I know you didn’t, Mel. And when I realized that you were that girl, I’ll admit, I wished you weren’t such a good person. I’ve spent a whole lot of years calling you some of the nastiest names in the book, but then I got to know you and I couldn’t hate you.” We both let out weak chuckles at her admission. I totally understand what she’s saying because I felt the same way from the minute I found out that Xavier had moved on until I walked through her bedroom door. “And I do understand why you didn’t tell me. I don’t think I would have if our roles were reversed. Then again, I probably would have overdosed you out of spite, so maybe I should thank you for that as well.”
“Yeah, killing patients really doesn’t bode well for longevity in my field,” I say weakly. Dammit, I’m going to miss this woman. She is the true friend to me, willing to see past the fact that I once loved the man she’s married to. Beyond that, she seems to get that I still love him, but in a different capacity than I once did. “And I promise you, I will do everything Xavier lets me to make sure your guys are in a good place.”
I lay with her until she falls back to sleep. Listening to the rattling in her chest as she breathes, I force myself to get out of the bed. I need to get Xavier and Jacob so they can be with her.
Melanie and Braydon are out in the living room, watching a movie with Jacob. I knew as soon as Mel came out of the bedroom that we’re getting close. She is better at it now, but when she’s distressed, she sucks at hiding her emotions. Now, I’m staring at Alyssa’s chest, watching the shallow rise and fall. The sun setting is the only indication I have that it’s been hours since I came in here.
“Alyssa, I need you to wake up, baby,” I beg her selfishly. As much as she needs to rest, I need this time with her. If she doesn’t wake up, I’m terrified that she never will and we’ll never get to say goodbye to her. “Jacob will be going to bed soon and you always read to him.”
Tears glide down my face and I wipe them with the back of my hand. I don’t want the first thing she sees when she opens her eyes to be me having a breakdown. I lean in, bringing her frail hand to my lips. She looks so small lying in front of me. “Please, baby, we still need you.”
Alyssa’s eyes flutter open but she doesn’t seem to focus on me. “Xavier?” Her voice is raspy and weak. “Where’s my baby? I need to tell him goodnight. It’s time.”
Until those last words, I thought she had heard me and wanted to read to him. Now, I don’t hold back the emotions as I realize what she’s telling me. She wants me to walk out to the living room and bring our son to her so she can say goodbye to him. We’ve talked about this, but I guess I somehow ignored the fact that this moment was going to come. How am I going to walk out there and look my little boy in the eye, knowing that he’s about to see his mother for the last time?
“Okay, Al,” I whisper, leaning over to kiss her forehead. She squeezes my hand before I turn away from her.
Melanie curls into Braydon’s side when she sees me walk into the room. He nods his head, letting me know he’ll take care of her, that I need to focus on my family right now. I whisk Jacob out of the room before he can see the way Mel’s body is heaving as she sobs.
Chapter 9
After Alyssa passed away and all of the necessary paperwork is completed to close my assignment as her companion, I know it's time to make a decision. I love my job. But this time, I allowed myself to get too close and it crushed me. It was ridiculous of me to think I could work with the Ross family without becoming attached, but I allowed my stubbornness to silence the voice that told me to ask for reassignment. I sealed this fate for myself at the beginning of November.
Dear Mr. Harris,
Please accept this message as notification that I will be leaving my position with CompCare effective April 15th.
I appreciate the opportunities that you have given me over the course of the past four years, but at this time, I feel it is prudent that I explore other opportunities.
If I can be of assistance in the training of a new hospice companion, please let me know.
Sincerely,
Melanie E. Erickson