“We’ll get to that whole ‘out of my system’ business in a minute. As for your last question, it was completely random. His wife is dying and she’s my client.” Stacey’s brow arches as she listens. I’m wondering if she heard a word that I said after mentioning her statement about me getting over Xavier. She has to know that I know the truth. Even she’s not that vapid. I hope.
“Uh, and why am I just finding this out now? You’ve told me about Alyssa, but you somehow failed to mention that she’s the wife of the man who tore you down to nothing!” I hear something clatter to the floor of the kitchen when Stacey goes in search of something to drink. I would tell her to get out of my fridge, but I figure she might as well have something strong because I’m not going to let this go. “And why in the fuck wouldn’t you tell him to go to hell when you realized who he was?”
“You are just finding this out now because I knew that this,” I say, motioning toward her, “is how you would react. And I was tempted to turn down the assignment, but I thought better of it. And I’m glad I did. Do you know why?” My voice is so steady and calm I’m scaring myself.
“Can’t wait to hear this one,” Stacey grumbles, flopping back on my couch, beer in hand.
I set Brody on the ground so I can lean forward in my chair. “I’m going to ask you some questions and you had better not fucking lie to me,” I seethe. That calm I felt, yeah, it’s leaving. Stacey’s eyes bug out, likely because I have never talked to anyone with such vitriol. She nods but remains mute. Probably for the best at this point. “How often did Xavier call the apartment after I moved back?”
“Fuck, I don’t know! That was a long time ago, Mel.” At least she didn’t try telling me he didn’t call at all. “What is this about?”
Either my best friend thinks I’m a moron or she’s dumber than I thought. I cannot believe she has the audacity to look at me with her big blue eyes, acting like she has no clue what I found out while I was supposed to be enjoying Nassau. Rather than continue pressing her about the phone calls, I move on. I got all the answer I needed on that issue.
“Care to tell me about the letter from Xavier?” She visible flinches at my question but doesn’t say anything in response. We sit there staring at one another, each waiting for the other to speak. Poor Brody sits on the floor between us looking utterly confused by the tension. Finally, I crack. “You’re not even going to deny it? Come on, Stacey, you have to have something to say.”
When she simply shrugs, I wish I was a violent woman because I’d love to knock her head right off those fidgety shoulders. “Wow, I can’t believe you,” I groan. The acid churns in my stomach, leaving me worried that I will have to rush to the bathroom soon.
“I’ve spent the past two days wondering what you would have to say for yourself. What you would come up with to justify not letting Xavier talk to me the many times he called. And most of all, I have been dying to hear why you thought it was, in any way, acceptable for you to write that letter.” Silence. My supposed best friend has nothing to say and can’t even have the courtesy to look upset about the fact that she’s been busted.
Her reaction makes me feel even more like a fool. If I had a momentary lapse of sanity and did something like this to her, I would be on my knees groveling for forgiveness, trying to make her see why I did what I did. But no, she just sits there picking at the label on her beer bottle.
“Fucking talk to me!” I scream, jumping out of my chair. Brody yelps before hiding behind the couch. “If the past decade has meant anything to you, talk to me and tell me why you did it!”
“You want to know why?” she yells back. Finally, a reaction out of her. “Because you weren’t strong enough to deal with him. If you had talked to Xavier, you would have forgiven him and the cycle would have started all over again! I watched you give yourself to him and he treated you like a fucking child.”
Stacey never has, nor will she ever, understand the dynamics of my former relationship with Xavier. I’ve tried to make her understand more times than I can count, so I don’t expect one more round to bring her clarity. “It wasn’t your place to make that decision for me, Stacey.” I’m calmer now that she’s actually talking to me. It hurts because I know we’re not going to kiss and make up, but at least I’ll have the closure with her that I never had with Xavier. “I was an adult. I should have been allowed to make my own decision.”