Stop it. You cannot go into this with a shitty attitude. Give them the last Christmas together they deserve.
I set Jacob on the ground, telling him to go find his mom. I need another minute to talk to my brother. He’s the only person in my life who knows everything. It’s a relief, in a way, that he now knows about Melanie being back in my life because I’m slowly losing my mind.
“Talk to me, little brother,” Braydon says, leaning against the hood of my car. The way he’s looking at me, I know I’m not fooling him. Melanie leaving tore me to pieces, even though I was the one who told her to go. Once I realized my mistake, I tried going after her, but Stacey, her rabid pit bull of a best friend, was there to turn me away each and every fucking time.
“There’s a lot you don’t know about what went down. Someday, you might,” I mirror my brother’s posture as I debate how much information to give him. Seeing my wife staring out the front window at us, I know there’s not time for much. “For now, I just need you to give me your word that you won’t be a dick to Melanie. It wasn’t all her fault. And please, for the love of everything holy, don’t let Alyssa find out.”
I’m not sure Alyssa has ever fully gotten over the hell I put her through for the first eighteen months we were together. I never opened my heart to her because it had been left battered by the woman before her. I was a dick to her, even after she gave birth to my son. It wasn’t until the day she was diagnosed for the first time that I realized that I had grown to love her, even if I had been trying to deny it. Life has a funny way of kicking you in the teeth sometimes.
“We had a close call earlier, but no, I won’t tell her.” Braydon looks me square in the eyes as he speaks and I know he will keep our secret. “I’m not sure I agree with you letting her be here given your history, but it’s not my place to say anything.”
“I know, Bray. Trust me, if I could have figured out how to get a new companion assigned that first day, I would have.”
“Let’s go inside,” Braydon suggests. “I’m sure Alyssa is starting to wonder why I’m outside talking to you after she caught me on the front porch with Mel.”
I knew Alyssa was trying to do too much. She refuses to accept the fact that she can’t do everything she wants to do. Unlike when she was healthy, now her body will simply shut down on her when it has had enough. Melanie sent her off as soon as we were done eating Christmas dinner, saying Alyssa needed a nap if she wanted to go to Mass.
“We’re not going,” I inform Melanie as we finish loading the dishwasher. I know Alyssa wanted us to be this postcard perfect family for our last Christmas, but if I have my choice between watching her do this to herself and sitting at home in front of the fire, we’re not going anywhere. “I’ll tell her so she’s pissed at me, but she needs her sleep.”
“You’re probably right,” Melanie says sadly. The fact that she’s not fighting my decision concerns me. She’s been a champion for letting Alyssa live each day to the fullest, and now she’s agreeing that I need to tell my wife she can’t do what she wants. “Xavier, don’t look at me like that.”
She leads me into the living room, sitting me down on the couch. She sits next to me, taking both of my hands in hers. Seeing the woman I so easily cast aside showing me this level of compassion is nearly my undoing. Despite what anyone else thinks, she and I both know the truth about that night.
“Xavier, look at me,” she demands in a kind yet forceful tone. I look up at her and she cracks a smile. Yes, Melanie. The tables have turned. “I still stand behind everything I’ve said about how you treat her. Please don’t jump to the worst case scenario just because I’m agreeing with you this time. I want her to have this time with you and Jacob. I think it’s for the best if she spends every minute she can with the two of you.”
“Mel, she’s sleeping so much now.” I barely recognize my strained voice. “She wanted this so much. She wants us to go to church as a family on Christmas Eve so Jacob will remember that when he gets older.”
“You and Jacob are both going to have memories of her after she’s gone. But if you let her go through with this, your memories are going to be clouded with regrets.” I look at Melanie, truly seeing her for the first time since she came back into our lives. This isn’t the woman I loved when we were both younger. She’s so much more. Maybe we were never supposed to be forever. Maybe we were supposed to be a stepping stone to greater things in our lives; the perfect career for her and my beautiful son for me.