“I just want to talk, Josie. We can be adults about this.”
The moment I turn around I wish I hadn’t. For the first time, I’m really looking at him, all of him. His arms are bare and I can finally see his tattoos – not that I was trying to earlier but I’ve been curious. I focus on them before granting my eyes permission to take in the rest of him. His arms are still defined, just like in high school, but probably more now. His jeans, distressed and likely expensive, not the Levi’s he wore when we dated, hang loose on his waist. Even with a belt they look as if they might fall down if he isn’t careful.
He looks at me when my eyes reach his and smirks, but not with the smug intent from before. He knows I’m checking him out and he’s allowing me to do so without calling me out on my bullshit.
I’ve never thought tattoos were sexy, but staring at Liam now I wonder if he has any that I can’t see and I want to ask him what they all mean.
“Do you have…?” I trail off. That question is crossing a line that I’m not willing to step over.
“Do I what?”
“Nothing, never mind,” I say shaking my head. I walk up the stairs and leave him standing on the sidewalk. I kick the door shut, effectively shutting him out.
“Josie,” he says so softly I almost allow my heart to break. I miss that voice and now its here, banging in my head. I just want to scream and tell it to move out.
“I’m sorry for earlier and I wanted to ask you about something you said.”
I push my hands into my hair while he speaks to my back. When he touches me, I want to melt and crawl into his arms, but that is the old me. This me turns and looks at him with nothing but anger and hatred in my eyes and he knows it because he steps back and shakes his head.
I raise my eyebrow indicating he can continue.
He takes a deep breath and looks at me before staring at the ground. He plays with his lip and I fight every urge I have to take his hand away from this mouth and lock his fingers with mine, just like I used to.
“You said you tried to tell me about Noah. I know I changed my number and that was a shit thing to do, but you said you tried and I’d like to know how.”
“Why should I tell you?” I cross my arms over my chest defiantly.
“I’m asking you to give me a chance here, Jojo. I know I screwed up, but you weren’t fucking there so you don’t have a clue what I was going through.” Liam starts pacing and pulling at what little hair he has. “The stress and being alone, I just—”
“Cheated?” I interrupt.
His head snaps up in my direction and I know the answer before he even has to say the words. “Never,” he whispers. “I would’ve never disrespected you like that. When we were together I never even looked at another girl the way I looked at you.”
“You left me. I obviously wasn’t enough for you.”
“My God, are even you listening to yourself? It wasn’t about you. It was about me and this change I went through.”
“I would have thought you could have come up with something better than that, given that you are such a genius with words. Why didn’t you just tell me you weren’t happy?”
“Because it wasn’t like that, I felt like… like I was suffocating.”
CHAPTER 15
LIAM
I didn’t want to tell her like this because I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle the picture in front of me. Her eyes drop, she steps back and her chest starts moving in and out as she tries to catch her breath. My heart breaks at this sight, worse than the night when I broke up with her. That night I took the coward route.
“I’m glad you’re here, you must be tired.” Her hand finds mine, she tries to pull me into her dorm room but I’m not budging.
“You don’t want to come in?”
I do, but I can’t. If I go in I’ll never leave and nothing will change. My life will be the same pattern over and over again and if I don’t change it I’m going to go nuts.
I shake my head just slightly but it’s enough to peak her attention. “Something wrong, Liam?”
My throat starts to close, my heart… it feels like it’s about to burst out of my chest. I know I’m doing the right thing, but why does it feel so horrible.
“I dropped out of school.”
The first look of what is about to be a hissy fit spreads across her face. I deviated from the plan. The all-American plan where I become an NFL football player and we live in a quiet neighborhood raising our two children, a boy and a girl, and she travels to my games and never misses one because she’s my personal cheerleader.
“Okay, why?”
“I… um… I can’t—”
“Can’t what? You’re scaring me, baby. Come in and we’ll talk about it. We’ll call your coach and fix this.”