I feel a sense of relief wash over me when she says we’ll call my coach. That is exactly what I don’t want and I know I’ve made the right decision. I don’t want to play football anymore.
“I can’t be with you anymore, Josephine.” I don’t look at her when I say these words. I turn and walk away, ignoring her voice as she calls my name. I run down the hall, zigzagging through the people that just witnessed my girl and I break up.
I want to step forward and wrap her in my arms and tell her that night I made the biggest mistake of my life when I left her there. I should’ve busted in and packed her bags and taken her with me. The two day drive to Los Angeles would’ve been so much better with her curled up in my arms at night while we slept in the bed of the truck. My breakfast of Doritos and Coke would’ve been the best one I ever had because she would’ve shared it with me.
But instead I spent two days driving with tears streaking down my face because I did the most horrible thing I had ever done. I broke my own heart when I told her I was done.
“Jojo—”
She puts her hand up and I stop talking. When she looks up, it’s that night all over again. Her make-up is running down her face, black and heavy, leaving a path of pain ruining her beauty.
“What was so important that you just left me?”
I sigh. I’m not sure how to explain Betty and the day that changed my life.
“I told you, I needed something different.”
“It wasn’t me?”
“No.” I shake my head to emphasis my point. “It wasn’t you. It was never you. I hate myself for not taking you with me. I should’ve, but I didn’t think you’d go and I didn’t want you to tell me no.”
“So, you just break my heart and leave me to raise a baby by myself?”
“God damn it, Jojo. If I knew about the baby I would’ve stayed and figured something out. I would’ve married you and gone back to school.”
“But you wouldn’t have been happy?”
I can’t answer her and she knows that. My silence is enough.
Josie takes a deep breath and nods. “So you went to California and became this big-time musician. You know what the funny thing is? I didn’t think you liked the guitar that much. I know you would play while singing to me, but I thought you were always kidding. That sort of makes me a shitty girlfriend.”
“You didn’t think I was good?”
She shakes her head. “No, it’s not that. I just thought it was a joke to you, something you did to irritate your dad.”
“I always played. It made me calm and helped me express what I was feeling. When I went off to college, I played more and more. I went to an open mic night on campus and played. I loved it, loved every damn second of it and I tried to tell you, but you weren’t listening. You just wanted to talk about football and your classes and how Mason and Katelyn were doing. You wouldn’t listen to me when I tried to tell you my head was going to explode and that I woke up each night with my heart racing because I was so freaking lonely and hated school. My three best friends were at a different school and I was states away with no one.”
Josie leans against the counter, watching me. It’s the first time that she’s actually looked at me and not had a scowl on her face. Her tear-streaked face is beautiful. I want to wipe away her tears. I want to take the last ten years and erase them.
I want to start over.
“Look I just came here to discuss Noah, but we got a little off track and I hate to see you cry.”
“You do?” she looks up as if this is some joke for me.
I can’t help but smile at how innocent she looks. “Just because I left that night doesn’t mean things changed for me.”
Surprise rolls over her face. She stares at me, probably wondering if I’m telling the truth. I am, but that is as close as I’m going to get to admitting it.
“I have a gig down at Ralph’s, so I better get going. I’ll see ya later, Jojo.” I hesitate before turning away. I’d give anything to feel her arms around me, to hear her tell me to kick ass just one more time. To have her lips touch mine, even if it’s only for a moment. It would be enough to last me another ten years.
The parking lot is full when I arrive at Ralph’s. We ran into each other the night at the store and he asked me to do him a favor. I couldn’t really say no since he used buy our beer for us. Besides, what’s a little pub time gig amongst friends?
With my guitar strapped on my back, I throw open the door. The crowd is small and perfect. Ralph sees me and comes around the bar to encase me in his large arms.
“Thank you so much, Liam.” He pats me on the back. His grin is thanks enough.
“Anything for you, but uh, didn’t you advertise?”
“Yeah, I did,” he says scratching his head. “But everyone thought I was jerking their chains.”
I start laughing. That’s the funniest shit I’ve heard in a long time. “It’s good. We’ll have a good time.”