Fire Always Burns

chapter 6

Red engines lined the road, spraying precious water at the blaze. Black patches of burned grass hissed and steamed, still defiant against the hoses even as they sputtered. The flames still leaped and danced, their light highlighting the concern filling the fire chief’s face. It was already too late, the flames had too much of a head start. He knew the flames would win the battle tonight, but he called for more men to fight the war.

I fidgeted with my gloves, gathering up my courage to get out of my car and go inside the hardware store. My dad had asked me to pick him up some supplies and I didn't have a good reason not to go. I thought Andrew was sure to be working. It wasn't that I didn't want to see Andrew, it was that I was nervous to see him. I shouldn't be nervous, nothing happened.

Nothing happened. I repeated it to myself, hoping the repetition would convince me. Nothing happened. I closed my eyes, but I could still smell his cologne, feel his body push into mine, his arms holding me tight. His lips were so close.

Nothing happened.

I sighed. Dad was going to expect me home sometime before the end of the week. I had to go in.

I walked slowly to the door, opening it and hearing the familiar bell announce my arrival.

"Hey Holly, how did your night at the Winter Carnival go? Andrew said it was a huge success," Luke grinned setting a pile of hammers on the counter. I smiled back at him, wondering exactly what Andrew had told him.

"Um, it was great. I thought Andrew was working today," I said cautiously. I couldn't see Andrew telling Luke we had kissed, but I wasn't sure. Besides, Nothing Happened.

Luke looked at me like I was slightly batty, but then he shrugged and started putting the hammers up on a shelf. "We switched shifts today, so I didn't get to talk to him for long. So tell me about the Carnival," he demanded, a hammer in each hand.

Luke was the person who had come up with the original promise to never date amongst ourselves. It wasn't so much a promise not to date, but more a promise that we wouldn't trade in our friendships for a fling. The brief kiss that Andrew and I shared didn't violate the promise, it was just skirting along the edge of it. We hadn't broken the actual promise, but I had a feeling Luke wouldn't see it that way. He had a strong sense of right and wrong, and kissing your friends after promising you would never get involved with them was wrong in his eyes.

"Um, well, we watched Audrey and Ray fall all over themselves flirting, then we ate, ice-skated, and saw fireworks," I said, intentionally being vague.

"Wow, what amazing detail," he said sarcastically. "Come on, give me details!"

Sure, let me tell you how I kissed my best friend. Let me tell you how good he smelled, and how strong he felt as he kept me warm. That's going to make me your favorite customer of the day.

"Well, we caught your dad and Audrey making out in the parking lot," I said slowly.

"Seriously?" He stopped with a hammer gripped in his hand, as though he had completely forgotten about it.

"Yeah, I felt like a cop at Lover's Lane. He had his hand down her shirt and everything," I replied.

"That is so awesome! And gross. So gross. But awesome!" he said laughing and making a face at the idea. I laughed as well, glad to have found a safe topic. "So, what is the next step of Operation Love?"

I shrugged. "I'm not really sure. They have just taken off. It's like they are back in high school with high school hormones. I'm not sure we have to do anything at this point other than make sure they don't implode."

Luke nodded and grinned. "I've never seen him this happy. I mean, he is stupid happy. He actually let me do the inventory this month. I've been begging him to let me do it- to get it done electronically. Today he decided I could do it so he could go on this date. This is so awesome Holly. I don't know if it is going to help get Tyler back home, but it is certainly making my life better. I can't thank you enough."

"Why is everybody thanking me for this? I didn't do anything! But I am glad it is working out so well," I said, smiling.

Luke finished setting the hammers on their shelf and helped me find the supplies for my dad. Luke didn't bring up Andrew again, and I decided that the whole thing must have been in my head. Andrew would never want me anyway. We had been friends too long, knew too many stories about one another. I must have just imagined it.

I heard the door bell ring, thinking it was a customer. I was shocked when it was Andrew's voice I heard. "Hey Luke, can you cover my shift next Thursday? I have a dentist appointment," I was glad Luke had his back to me or he would have seen me stiffen and blush. Luke popped his head out from the aisle, and called him over. I wanted to hide as Andrew strode around the corner. Nothing happened, nothing happened, nothing happened!

Andrew's face twitched, a blush creeping up into his cheeks as soon as he saw me. Our eyes connected and I knew I was just lying to myself. Something did happen.

"So Thursday? That should work. Let me check Holly out and I'll pull up the calendar. I think I have all the stuff your dad needs," he said, balancing screws and lathes. He headed towards the checkout desk and I followed meekly, avoiding Andrew's gaze.

"OK, $10.34," Luke announced as he bagged all the items and took my money. I was amazed he didn't feel the tension in the room. I could feel Andrew's eyes on me, his look burning into my skin. I could feel the blood rushing to my face and my hands started sweating.

"Thanks Luke. I'll see you guys around. Bye Andrew," I said hastily, shoving my change into the plastic bag and heading towards the door. My mouth hung onto Andrew's name, desiring it like it desired another kiss from Andrew's mouth.

I made it to my car, throwing the bag in the passenger seat and breathing hard. I sat for a moment, trying to collect my thoughts. I could barely keep my thoughts straight. I wanted to kiss him again so badly, but I knew I never could. What if Andrew and I had been the ones making out in the backseat? The idea made me want to laugh and feel hot inside at the same time.

I heard a loud knock on my window, and nearly jumped out of my skin. "Holly, you forgot your gloves," Andrew said loudly.

I rolled down my window and took the gloves with thanks.

"Holly, I want to talk to you about the other night," he said leaning into the car. I could catch just a faint whiff of his cologne through the open window, his arm stretched out onto the roof and displaying his muscles through his long-sleeved shirt.

"Nothing happened. Nothing can happen. We promised, remember? We can't do that to our friends," I said quickly, trying not to focus on his arms.

"OK, good. That's just what I was thinking," he responded a little too quickly. He dropped his arms off the car and folded them in front of him. "Good, so I'll see you around then."

"Yeah, definitely," I nodded. He backed away from the car, his eyes unreadable. I headed back home, feeling my head spinning. I told myself I was glad I had told him no, but somehow it made my chest hurt. Nothing happened, nothing happened, nothing happened. Maybe if I repeated enough times, it would be true.

▪▪▪

I effectively avoided Andrew for almost two weeks. I texted him as little as possible, and when I saw him in public, I always made sure there was another person nearby. I thought that maybe if I didn't spend time with him, I would stop dreaming about him.

It didn't work. If anything, my dreams became more vivid. I loved and dreaded sleeping because I knew I would dream of his hands on my body, touching and caressing me; his lips on my skin, the taste of his tongue. I would wake aching for more, aching for the real thing.

It was my first day off all week. My dad had left for a business trip that morning, so I had the house to myself. I sat in front of the tv in my pajamas eating my third bowl of chocolate cereal watching reruns of old sitcoms, reveling in the opulence of a day off.

Bing. Can you come meet me in the library? I want to show you something.

I sat looking at my phone, Andrew's face smiling at me from the screen next to the message. I was dressed and ready to go in less than five minutes.

The parking lot was empty, the public library and high school sharing the same space. I navigated through the library doors towards the main desk. I looked around for a moment, the library quiet and serene.

I smiled at the librarian stacking books to be put back on the shelves, and headed towards the conference room. Andrew and I had met there to work on projects before, so I figured that was where he would be. I found him sitting at the main table with yearbooks scattered haphazardly around him. He smiled as I walked in and closed the door behind me.

"My mom was telling me stories about her and Ray when they were in high school here, and I got an idea. You would not believe the stuff they did. Come here and look at these old yearbooks," he said pushing the chair next to him out. I walked over slowly, eying him carefully. I wasn't sure where we stood exactly, but I knew I didn't want to leave.

"You wouldn't believe some of the things I've found out. The pieces are finally coming together," Andrew said.

"I've already heard more than I ever thought I'd find out about them, so I'm not sure what you're going to say that you think will surprise me," I said.

He smiled and opened one of the yearbooks he had out on the table. He flipped through the pages until he found a picture...

▪▪▪

Ray had been a quiet kid in class, much like Tyler was now. His older brother looked out for him for his freshman and sophomore year, but had gone away to college himself when Ray entered his junior year. Where Tyler drew his confidence from his acting, Ray had thrown himself in a different artistic direction: music.

▪▪▪

I couldn't help but laugh as I saw the picture. "That's Ray all right. Looks a lot like Luke did our junior year. I had no idea he could play the trumpet!" I said.

"It gets better," Andrew said. "Take a look in the flute section."

It was hard to make out in the twenty-five year old yearbook's grainy photo, but I scanned over the picture. "Is that...your mom? She's so cute!" It was true. She looked about twelve years old in the picture, even though she would have had to have been about sixteen.

Andrew laughed. "She's always looked younger than her age. I looked up the names on the list and recognized one in particular, Mr. Watson."

"You mean Mr. Watson, the photography guy?" I asked curiously. Andrew nodded.

▪▪▪

"So how did they get together?" Andrew asked.

Mr. Watson laughed. "No one was ever really sure. One day, on the way back from a football game, it was dark on the bus. All of a sudden, someone saw them making out. We made fun of them, but soon enough they were inseparable."

▪▪▪

"So they were each other's first loves. Pretty much what we knew already," I said.

Andrew closed the yearbook and opened another one. "There's a lot more in this one," he said, opening to a page. There was a picture of the two of them in their dress clothes with the caption "Voted Most Likely to Have Beautiful Children". It looked like it had been taken at prom.

"I agree with that caption," Andrew said.

I looked at him and he made a model pose, and I laughed. "It's got one part right. You are a child!"

He grinned. "It's a sweet picture of the two of them, but I was really surprised when I saw the next one."

I turned back to the yearbook as he turned through the pages. As he settled on one in particular, I gasped.

▪▪▪

"Were you there for the big moment?" Andrew asked.

"Oh yes," Mr. Watson said, looking wistful. "It was a beautiful moment. I was in on it, of course. Someone had to take the picture. The drum major was in on it too. At the end of practice one day, he kept stopping the routine and telling Audrey that her tempo was off. Finally, he got off his podium and walked over to her. I remember him calling over to Ray, asking if he could please show his girlfriend the right way to mark time. Ray marched over to them, playing "Your Song" by Elton John on his trumpet the whole way there."

"I bet Mom was mortified," Andrew said.

"Most certainly. When he arrived he continued to mark time in front of her, playing the trumpet, not in her face but right next to her. When the song finished, he got down on one knee and pulled a ring from his pocket. That's when I snapped the picture."

▪▪▪

I stared at the blurry picture. Ray, down on one knee. Audrey, her hands covering her face. Boys and girls in the background, clapping their hands or crying for joy. It made me want to cry just looking at it.

"That's so romantic! I'm sure she said yes right away," I said. There's no way I could have said no if someone did that to me.

"Actually..."

▪▪▪

"I mean, she certainly didn't date any other boys in high school, but I've never been quite sure," Mr. Watson said. "There was so much chaos afterwords that I never heard an answer. She looked stunned, and Ray was on his feet before long. He hugged her tight and whispered something in her ear. She let him put the dime store ring on her finger. We all thought it was official, but I guess puppy love never lasts."

Andrew nodded. "Thanks for your time, Mr. Watson."

▪▪▪

"So that's it? He waited in town a year and then she left him here?" I asked.

"Something didn't add up for me, either. I checked on the Internet and found another strange detail. Mom didn't stay in the dorms her freshman year. I did, however, find a very interesting lease in the public records." He pulled a piece of paper out and handed it to me.

"Ray West and Audrey Oscars," I read. "This is a lease for Fort Collins. But...that means that Ray left with her?"

"I had an interesting phone conversation with my Aunt Heather. She's not my real aunt, but she was Mom's best friend from college. It was the last piece of the puzzle."

▪▪▪

"Ray West. Haven't heard of him in years." Aunt Heather said.

"What happened between my mom and him?" Andrew asked.

"Oh, you know, the same things that many couples go through. Ray hated going out, was too shy. He wanted to stay in all the time, wanted Audrey to stay in with him. But, you know, part of the college experience is going out, doing new things, and she was curious."

"So she went out anyway," Andrew said.

"Oh no. It was like they were practically married, and she would never go against his word. But they fought a lot. Finally, one day, he left and I moved in to cover his half of the rent," she said.

Andrew paused, thinking it over. Heather piped back up. "It's funny. When she and your father decided that they couldn't support you while still going to school, he suggested that they move in with your grandparents back in Conifer. She didn't want to go, said she couldn't stand to see Ray, thought he would tell her 'I told you so'. I told her to avoid him like the plague, to concentrate on her new family, and I guess she did just that."

"Why would he have said 'I told you so'?" Andrew asked.

"Oh, never mind sweetie. When are you two going to come down to Denver to come visit your Aunt?"

▪▪▪

"She was evasive after that, and I couldn't get any more out of her," Andrew said.

I thought about it. They broke up because he wanted her to stay in, to be the good wife, and she didn't want that. "This is great news. Ray broke up with your mom for not being Suzy Housewife, and now she's willing to be Suzy Housewife. Funny how people change."

Andrew nodded, looking me in the eyes. His leg pressed against mine. I had been avoiding him all week, but after hearing such an emotional story, I was feeling pretty emotional myself. We were so close, we were alone, and things were coming together. He was so handsome.

The work he had done, the story of old loves, the closeness of our bodies, it was all intoxicating to me. My body craved the taste of his lips and I could no longer fight against the craving. I leaned over and kissed him. It was the culmination of years of longing, particularly intense for the last three weeks. I had wanted this so badly, ever since the kiss at the Winter Carnival.

He pulled back a little. "Holly?"

I immediately felt like I had messed up. Before I had a chance to apologize though, he reached out and pulled me into a deeper kiss. It was heavenly. Months of sexual tension flowed between us, as the dam broke and our need for each other spilled out across each other. I kissed back fiercely, my tongue finding his with ease. He moaned, and his breathing quickened. The stubble on his chin tickled me lightly, and I giggled a little as our lips parted.

He wasted no time, grabbing my chin and bringing me in for another kiss. My hand went to behind his neck, and his finger stroked my jawline. My heart pounded within my chest. Andrew, the man of my dreams, was finally allowing my dream to come true. The vow we had made in high school surfaced in my head for a moment, but I quickly shoved the thought back down as I leaned in closer.

Andrew apparently forgot the promise as well. His hand moved from my jaw, down my neck, to my collar. He quickly unbuttoned my long sleeve shirt and pulled it off one arm, then the other. As he revealed the thin white shirt I wore underneath, his hands moved to my sides, holding me tightly. His fingers moved up and down as we shared another long kiss.

He broke from the kiss, and looked down at my body, seemingly for the first time. His hands ventured upwards under my shirt, touching the bottoms of my breasts through the lacy bra that encased them. His eyes met mine again, a look of desire consuming him, before closing them and leaning back in.

The door to the conference room opened. The librarian poked her head in. "Another group has reserved this room, so you students will have to find some other place to make out."

I was so embarrassed that I didn't even correct her to tell her that we weren't students. Andrew and I quickly picked up, throwing the yearbooks back on the re-shelf cart and hustling out the door. I could feel my cheeks burning the entire way out to the car. The cold March wind felt good against my skin, as we ran out into the parking lot.

"Want to come to my place? My dad is out of town," I grinned as I pulled out my keys.

"Race you there," he shouted as he sprinted to his car. I felt a giddy happiness flow through me as I started my car and followed hot on his heels.