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It feels so damn good to have her back in my arms. I’ve missed her more than I thought possible. She’s always been the part of every day that I get up for, that I look forward to. Life just doesn’t mean as much without her in it.
I knew it’d be hard; we’ve been together so long, the two sides of one coin. But there’s no way I could have possibly foreseen the exact magnitude of emptiness I’d feel. She looks the same, but there’s something different about her; a sadness in her eyes, a different air about her. I pray she hasn’t been half as miserable as me; I’d never want that for her. I always pray she’s accidentally woken up with a guy in her room...of course she hasn’t, my sweet girl...God, I’m a dick. The guilt is consuming me but I can’t tell her; I can’t risk losing her altogether.
College is okay so far. The football team is great. My roommate and new friends are cool, there’s always something to do, but she never leaves my mind. It’s always there—what’s she doing, who’s she with, does she miss me, when can I see her again; it always finds a way into my thoughts.
When I lost my phone, I went nuts making up scenarios in my mind. Last I knew, she was at that damn dorm tour thing, and then my phone was gone. Was she at a party doing shots, letting guys doing shots off her, like I was? The whole “do as I say, not as I do” shit is driving me insane.
I should have stepped outside the party and called her from Kaitlyn’s phone. I should have gone home. I should have never gone. I should have followed her to Southern. All those years, I’d never outright lied to Laney, and now I have. Omission is lying. I know it and so does she. There’s so much I can’t bring myself to tell her and the bigger the pile of secrets gets, the worse I feel.
Just a few months ago, we knew everything about each other. Nothing and nobody came between us. She was the first person I talked to each morning and the last sweet voice I heard before I went to sleep. When I planned my day, I knew she’d be in it. Everything now is tainted.
Laney had been exactly right about the challenges we would face; college girls are maniacs. And don’t forget the Bulldog Babes. They’re the cheer squad, and part of their “job” is taking care of the football team. Our laundry, our homework, cleaning our room, cleaning our pipes...you name it. I’m a freshmen, so I get less attention, basically whatever time Courtney, the redhead assigned to me, has left after taking care of one of the senior linemen. I avoid her like the plague.
I’d thought I knew about temptation and women, hell I was something in high school—no comparison.
And Laney was THERE in high school. I could always see her, go to her, be around her; everything in the background was white noise. I’m not a sexual deviant, I don’t need to get laid, per say, but I need companionship.
Damn, I’m falling apart.
And what kills me the most—Laney is at college, too, with the exact same things going on around her. Any guy with a brain will always notice her first in a room, it’s inevitable. She’s breathtakingly beautiful. Faces like that don’t come along very often and her body doesn’t quit. She’s the real deal. Even before she speaks, you know she’s got something; it shines off her in beams. And the more she resists, which I know she will, the more of a challenge she becomes, and everyone knows how guys feel about a challenge. Yeah, I worry about her; I worry about us. Official or not, she’s mine. We’re us. Always.
Not tonight, though. Tonight I just want to hold her. I just want to be me and Laney. I want our heartbeats to sync. I want the smell of her hair to course through my body and bring me peace.
She moves to get up and I pull her back down.
Please don’t leave me, not yet. I just got you back.
“I’m just going to get a pillow and blanket. I’ll be right back.”
“I can go home if you want to go to bed, pretty.”
“You’re not going anywhere. You’re sleeping with me; under this roof or outside, I don’t care. The couch is plenty respectful.”
Sounds good to me. I’d sleep in a lion’s den right now if it meant her warmth beside me.
She comes back and snuggles into me; you couldn’t fit a piece of paper between us. Her soft hair and sweet face lay against my chest. Her legs are wrapped up in mine and I can feel her little breaths against my neck as I rub her back and kiss the top of her head again and again. I know she’s still awake, but neither of us speak. It’s as if sound would pop the bubble around us, but I can’t hold it in any longer.
“Laney, I love you.”
She raises her hand to my cheek and gazes at me. Her eyes are glassy and I can see the tears she won’t let fall. “I know you do, Evan. I love you, too. I always will. You’re my best friend. “