“Is it because of my leg?”
“What? No, come on, you know me better than that. My heart wants what it wants. I’ll always be here for you, if you ever need anything. I know you have a tough road ahead of you.”
He laughs sarcastically and looks at me, “Yeah, okay, A. I need all of you. Not just you as my friend. Don’t you see that?”
Tears roll down my cheeks, looking him in the eye. I never dreamt of this in a million years. What I pictured was God giving him back to me and us riding off into the sunset together. Now here I sit, a monster. Only a horrible person would do such a thing, wouldn’t they?
“Isn’t there anything I can do?” he asks.
As much as I wish there was, there isn’t. Painfully, I shake my head at him, tears running down my face. He grabs his crutches getting off of the couch.
“I don’t want to say this, but…clearly, I don’t have a place in your life anymore, and with how badly my heart and body ache for you, we can’t be friends, A.”
I stand and hug him one last time, knowing now that this is really goodbye. Even though this is what I want, I can’t stop the tears as they stream down my cheeks. I try to calm myself hoping being in his arms again will…but it doesn’t.
Nate cries too as he holds on to me and it kills me to see him so upset, especially after what he has been through. It’s the last thing that I want.
With my heart making my decisions today, I know what I did was right. I need Bain, he would make everything better right now. Damn myself for leaving him. Pulling away from Nate, he looks into my eyes and nods his head, then turns his back on me. The second our flesh disconnects, it’s as if that’s the true end for us. In this instant, everything that we were, we are no longer.
Although, I’ve lived this last year wanting nothing more than to have one more moment with him, he’s not who I’m meant to be with. Bain is.
“Arion, I’ll always love you. Please remember that.” I nod my head, watching him walk away. How does someone hurt another person of this caliber? He reaches for the door handle and I open my mouth to speak. He shakes his head. “It’s okay, A. You don’t need to say anything. I’m really not in any shape to take care of you the way Bain can anyway. Be with him, be happy, and as long as he is good to you…that’s what matters. Goodbye, Arion.”
I sit stunned, barely able to comprehend the compassion that he has shown me. How? Why? I really can’t understand it. He went from arguing with me that we could make this work one second to telling me that he can’t take care of me the next. If it were me, and Bain was leaving me, I would fight to the death. As the front door closes behind him, I feel like I can finally breathe.
Right away I call Bain, but it goes straight to voicemail. I’m sure he’s at practice. I shoot him a text instead, so excited to get back home to New York. Baby, I made my decision. Please call me, I can’t wait to be in your arms. I love you.
Traffic was a bitch, but when is it not? As I put the car in park, I really can’t fathom why I ever left here. I could have done all of the thinking I needed to just like Bain had asked of me right here. Checking the clock, Bain should be home from practice any time. It’s Friday and they always have short days. I call him again in hopes that he is driving home, but still no answer.
Getting out of the car, I grab my backpack, rushing as fast as I can to the elevator and up to our floor. My stomach is a mix of butterflies and emotion. I can’t wait to see Bain. God, I can’t wait. As I exit the chilly elevator, and walk down the hallway, I see our door and practically want to run to it. Jesus, it feels so good to be home.
My key fits right in and I head inside, hopeful that Bain might already home. The second I step inside, I freeze. The door shuts behind me and I’m not sure if I want to go any further. What the fuck happened?
The house is trashed. I can’t even put into words the picture before me. Everything is everywhere. It looks like the place has been ransacked. But as I start to put the pieces together, I know that’s not the case. Bain’s clothes are on the floor, along with a picture of me. There are other broken pictures and decorations, and on the coffee table is an empty bottle of our Highland Park whiskey, and when I see what is next to it I want to collapse. A pill bottle.
Dropping to my knees, I grab it. The label says Percocet – quantity 30. I open it and glance inside, there are far from 30 pills in here. I check the date and see it is from yesterday, so I count how many are left and know right away when there are eleven that Bain has fallen off the wagon. Fuck, this is all my fault!