I can’t believe that after all we have been through and I finally know that I want to be with him more than anything, this is happening. Sitting in the back of the cab watching the streets of New York fly by me, this drive feels like it’s taking forever. When in actuality it only takes the driver a few minutes ’til he pulls in front of the hospital.
Just as fast as I entered the cab, I fling open my door and run through the double doors of the Emergency Room. Inside it’s crammed with people. Looking around, I try and spot someone with authority. Finally, I do and remember to keep my composure, wiping the tears away from under my eyes. A dark-haired woman passes me a clipboard and says, “Fill this out and wait your turn.”
“What?” I snap back. “No, my boyfriend, he was brought here.”
She looks at me and shakes her head in clear frustration. My insides heat with anger. What the fuck is her problem? If she doesn’t like helping people why in God’s name is she working at a hospital? “What’s his name?” she asks without looking at me.
“Bain Adams,” I respond in a quieter tone hoping that no one heard me.
She types on her computer, then says, “I need to see your ID, to give you a visitor’s pass.” Quickly, I yank it out of my wallet and hand it to her. I can’t help but glare at her as she slowly moves her fingers over the keys of the keyboard. Finally, she prints me a sticker and hands it back to me with my ID.
“He’s in room 210, but you need to check in with the triage nurse. I’ll open those doors over there for you. It’s straight down the hall.”
I nod my head once and jog to the doors, waiting in front of them. Once they open, I’m off and down the hall. Screw checking in with anyone else, I need to get to Bain. My eyes scan the room numbers. These are in the high 100’s then the hallway ends and I come to the nurses’ station. No one looks at me and I scan the room numbers again, 204, 206, 208, then 210. My stomach drops. I rush in, pulling the curtain back, but it’s empty. What the fuck? No, this has to be a fucking mistake.
Where is he? Where the fuck is he? Why isn’t he here? My mind spirals, a million different scenarios taking place all too fast. My breathing quickens, bringing me to my knees. I place my face in my hands and fear the worst. This cannot be happening.
My body feels out of itself. It’s just like the day I found out about Nate, when the military told us he’d died. I remind myself to stay positive. She wouldn’t have given me a room number if something had happened to him. With everything I have, I lift my lifeless self off of the floor – I need to stay positive for Bain. My head spins as I stand on my own two feet, but I maintain my balance while focusing. I’m here for Bain, I’m here for Bain, I’m here for Bain, I repeat over and over to myself.
I head back to where I guess I should have started, the nurses’ station. Looking around, this place is slammed. It’s busy with nurses moving all around and every room that has the curtain open is occupied. I round the corner looking for anyone to help. Behind the counter is a shorter nurse, studying the screen of a computer. “Excuse me?” I ask, my voice is broken and I clear my throat.
“How can I help you?” she automatically responds without even looking at me.
“I’m trying to locate Bain Adams.” She looks at me right away and then back at the computer.
“Are you related?”
“Yes, I’m his girlfriend.”
“I’m sorry, I’m not his nurse. All I know is he’s in surgery. Sit tight in the waiting room.” She points to a light blue room with a flat screen TV and chairs lining the walls. “His doctor will be in soon, to talk to you.”
“Surgery?” I blurt out.
She nods her head and walks off. I stand at the counter stunned for God only knows how long. My world hangs in the balance of this hospital. Surgery is the only word that my mind focuses on.
“Arion?” Jack calls my name and I turn to see him and Renee running towards me.
The tears that are streaming down my face run that much faster and I collapse into the arms of Bain’s parents. Both Jack and Renee can tell that something is terribly wrong. As I cling to them, I fear the worst. My world shakes. I’m terrified at the thought that Bain could be taken from me. I thought losing Nate was hard, but Bain…he is my everything, he is the air I breathe, the light that I see. He’s my solace in this fucked up world that I cannot bear alone.
“What happened?” his dad asks, slightly pulling away to look at me.
I shake my head, “I don’t know. All I’ve been told is he’s in surgery.”
Renee sobs and I try to maintain myself when I hear a doctor in the waiting room say, “Adams!”
We all look in his direction and basically bolt across the room towards him needing answers.
“I really don’t understand the fucking point,” I snap at my psychologist as he studies me above a thin wire-rimmed pair of glasses that sit on the bridge of his nose.
“Maybe it will help? That’s all I’m saying.”