Dirty Red (Love Me With Lies)

 

The day I took the stand, I was threadbare. I wore what Olivia brought for me: a dress with soft peaches and lilacs, my hair in a low ponytail, pearl stud earrings. As I secured them in my ears, I wondered if they belonged to her. They were fake pearls, so probably. My hands were shaking as I smoothed out my dress and looked at myself in the mirror. I looked vulnerable. I felt vulnerable. Maybe that was her plan. Caleb said to trust her.

 

I searched for her eyes as I took my seat on the bench, my knees weak beneath my folded hands. In the weeks of prepping, I’d learned to read her eyes. I’d learned that if she held them wide, her eyebrows slightly raised — I was doing well. If she stared right through me, she was mentally cussing me out, and I needed to change course, quickly. I hated that I knew her so well. I hated it, and I was grateful for it. I often found myself wondering if Caleb knew how to read her eyes like I did. Probably. I didn’t know what was worse — being able to read Olivia so well, or actually feeling proud that I could do it.

 

She stood in front of me, instead of pacing back and forth like they did in the movies. She looked relaxed in her tan suit. She was wearing a striking, cobalt blue necklace that made her eyes glow.

 

I took a breath and answered her first question.

 

“I worked at OPI Gem for three years.”

 

“And what was your active job title?”

 

I looked at the necklace, then her eyes, the necklace, then her eyes…

 

It wasn’t really cobalt. What was that shade?

 

“I was Vice President of Internal Affairs…”

 

It carried on like that for forty minutes. Toward the end, she started asking me questions that made every sweat gland on my body weep. Questions about my father. My mother was sitting next to Caleb, watching me intently, her hands pressed beneath her chin in what looked like a silent prayer. I knew it to be a silent warning.

 

Don’t humiliate your family, Leah. Don’t tell them where you come from. She was begging the gods of misbehaving, illegitimate, fucked up daughters.

 

Olivia hadn’t wanted her there for fear of her intimidating me into not telling the truth. But, she had insisted on coming.

 

“What was your relationship like with your father, outside of work, Ms. Smith?”

 

My mother’s chin dropped to her chest. My sister swiped her hair behind her ears and gave my mother a sideways glance. Caleb pressed his lips together and looked at the ground. The gods of illegitimate, fucked-up daughters rumbled in the clouds.

 

I straightened up, pressing back the tears — those hateful tears that exposed my weakness.

 

I recalled what Olivia had said to me when we were arguing about some of her questions just a week ago. I told her that I wasn’t going to blacken my father’s name from the witness stand. She’d gotten grey in the face and her dime-sized hands had balled into fists.

 

“Where is he, Leah? He fucking threw blood at you and died! You tell the truth or you go to prison.”

 

Then she’d sidled up close to me so no one else could hear and said, “Use your anger. Remember how it felt to destroy my things when I was trying to steal something from you? If you lose this case, I might take him from you again.”

 

That had done the trick. I had been so angry I’d answered all of her questions — even the hard ones. She’d had a smug look on her face for the rest of the day.

 

Now, I had to channel some of the anger back. I pictured her with Caleb. That was all I needed.

 

She repeated her question. “What was your relationship like with your father, Leah, outside of work?”

 

“It was nonexistent. He only interacted with me at work. At home he considered me somewhat of a nuisance.”

 

It all went downhill from there.

 

“Your father had a reputation for never hiring a member of his family, is that correct?”

 

“Yes,” I said. “I was the first.”

 

I risked a glance at my mother. She wasn’t looking at me.

 

Olivia’s opening argument had included this information. She had stood in front of the jury with her hands behind her back and warned them that the Prosecution was going to paint me as cunning and manipulative, but really all I was, was a pawn in my father’s desperate plan to save his company from going bankrupt. “He used and manipulated his own daughter for financial gain,” she’d asserted.

 

Those words had unzipped my controlled exterior. I started crying immediately.

 

 

 

She cleared her throat, bringing me back to the present.

 

“Did your father ever ask you to sign documents without you looking at them?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“What did he say to prevent you from looking at the documents?”

 

There was an objection from the Prosecution. Olivia rephrased her question.

 

“What was the typical procedure your father used in obtaining your signature?”

 

“He would tell me that he needed the signatures quickly, and then wait in the room until I had signed everything.”

 

“Did you ever mention to your father that you were uncomfortable signing the documents without reading them?”

 

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