chapter 29
I sense my welcome with Sage is already wearing thin. In the few short weeks I’ve been here, I’ve done little more than lie in bed, curled on my side staring blankly at the wall. She’s cooked and fed me each meal, helped to bathe me every few days in the large copper tub and made sure Kai came every day to tend to my injuries. Not that he needed any encouragement. My arrival here is the most interesting thing that’s happened to this outpost in years, according to Sage. And Kai, though just two years older than me, is the healer here.
I knew I would need to summon my strength and get out of bed for good. I was over the dehydration and my wounds were healing nicely thanks to Kai’s treatments. But first I’d have to remember how to be brave, remember how to be that girl I’d been just weeks ago. And remembering that meant remembering Will. And the loss of Will wasn’t something I was ready to accept.
A million horrible scenarios had played through my mind – Will lost in the woods trying to find me, or being executed at the compound, or injured and starving on his way to me – so instead of focusing on what became of him, why he’s not here with me now, I focus on the memories we share. His strong, knowing hands as he taught me to protect myself, his callused hands softly moving over my skin, the way his damp kisses stole my breath and pierced my heart. And when I remember that side of Will, I remember my strength. The strength I summoned to compete against the other recruits, and fought my way through the physical challenges. It seems like such a long time ago.
My first several days I held onto hope that Will was still coming, but the days turned into a week, then two weeks. It became too painful to hope, and I let that last tiny bit of hope shrivel and die inside me. It was time to stop pretending. It was time to get out of Sage’s bed.
Will and Rena had risked everything to get me to safety and I know this is a gift I cannot waste. I want to honor their sacrifice, to honor Will by living.
For someone I’d been living with, I knew surprisingly little about Sage. She was quiet, aside from her humming, which was constant. She often sat by the window knitting, and during Kai’s visits she maintained a friendly, yet no nonsense banter with him. He’d give me a knowing smile or roll his eyes, like we were sharing some secret. But I never talked to him more than necessary. More than providing simple answers to his questions about my injuries or how I was feeling. I hated the softness in his eyes, the pity for the poor, broken girl I appeared to be.
This morning, Sage is sitting by the window sipping from a steaming mug with a broken handle. As if she senses me watching her, she turns in my direction. She stares back, blinking a few times but not speaking. I know it’s only a matter of time before Sage’s hospitality and patience wear away. Unwilling to deal with any of that just now, I close my eyes again and slip off to sleep.
***
I’m not ready to open my eyes yet. I’m having another dream of Will. But the blankets are pulled from my legs, leaving me exposed in the chilly early morning air.
“Kai will be here in a little bit.” Sage neatly folds the blanket down at the end of the bed so I won’t want to mess it up by pulling it back over me. This is Sage’s way of telling me it’s time to get up. There’ve been many times over the past two weeks that I’ve been equal parts grateful and resentful of her. Though she’s cared for me and fed me, she’s never babied me. Some would call it tough love. I think it’s just her personality though.
Kai has come nearly every day to see me. His piercing blue eyes and big smile complete with dimples ooze kindness. But his appearances irritate me. He fawns over me too much, acts too kind, tends to my wounds with a gentleness I don’t deserve. I want to hurt on the outside as bad as I hurt on the inside. The hole ripping me in two isn’t something that can be fixed. A broken heart can’t be nursed back to health. Can it?
Sage’s gruff demeanor softens when Kai is in her home. She pulls a stool over to the bed for him, brings him tea and asks him endless questions. None of them are about me.
A dull knock on the door sends Sage leaping from her chair. I manage to sit up on the bed and straighten my clothes as Kai steps into view. His eyes are on me, even as he politely nods to Sage and answers her questions.
Kai, with his longish sandy blonde hair that hangs in his bright blue eyes, couldn’t be more different from Will’s dark eyes and hardened features. Even that my brain notes this comparison to Will annoys me.
Sage stands over the bed where I’m sitting. “There’s nothing wrong with you anymore. Go on and let Kai show you around today.”
Her words shouldn’t stun me, yet they do. Kai’s eyes flash to mine, seeking, before he responds to Sage’s request to take me out. I nod once and Kai offers me his arm. “We won’t go far. We’ll just take a stroll through the village.”
I nod again and place my hand on his forearm. “Okay.” My legs are weak and shaky from lack of use, and I let him help me to the door. After slipping into my shoes, we head outside. The direct sunlight is harsh and unwelcome. Being outside reminds me of running laps with Will. I couldn’t run right now to save my life. Good thing I don’t have to. Their little village appears safe and well-orgaznied. A grouping of several small cabins sit off in the distance. Sage’s cabin is the only one on this side of the hill. I hadn’t realized she kept herself separated like this – but I guess it makes sense; she seems like a loner.
Kai leads me down the worn trail toward the center of the village and the cabins, and I can see people out and about. My stomach cramps at the sight of them. As we get closer, mothers usher their children inside and grown men stand to watch me pass, their eyes leaping to my tattoo. They watch me like a caged animal and if I didn’t know better, I’d think they’re afraid of me.
I sense a shift in the air around me. It’s tense and not at all comfortable.
Kai releases a deep sigh. “This is ridiculous,” he mutters under his breath. He grabs my hand and holds it firmly in his. For a moment I consider breaking the connection, until I realize this is his way of showing them I don’t pose a threat. Eyes widen and travel between me and Kai in understanding.
Great now everyone probably thinks we’re a couple. But I suppose it’s better than them thinking I’m about to snap and take out half the village. As if I could even if I wanted to. I’m already tired from walking the hundred paces from Sage’s cottage. I tug on Kai’s hand and kind blue eyes meet mine.
“Can you take me somewhere else?”
He nods in understanding. “Of course.”
Even though I don’t want to be here, having a tour guide is nice. And one afternoon out of Sage’s dusty home won’t kill me. I’m liable to develop bed sores if I spend any more time lying there.
Kai gives my hand a tug. “Think you can make it a little farther?”
I nod.
“I’ll show you where I found you.”
“You found me?”
He nods.
I guess I hadn’t thought of who had stumbled across me, or exactly where I’d been found. Kai leads me over a ridge and the sun chooses that moment to grace us with its presence. The entire meadow is awash in pretty orange light. Little white flowers erupt from the ground and the tall grasses swish and sway in the breeze, whispering Will’s name. My chest gets tight and I sink to the ground, the hard earth biting into my knees.
“Eve?” Kai drops down beside me, lifting my chin. “What is it? Should I take you back?”
A single tear escapes and drops to the ground. I shake my head. “No. Not yet.”
He folds me into his arms, and I don’t protest. I can’t. It’s not like when Will held me, but it’s something. At least I don’t feel quite so alone. “Come here.” He lifts me from the ground and carries me several paces before setting me on my feet. “This is where I found you. Surrounded by wildflowers, the sun streaming down on you. I thought you were an angel at first.” He smiles shyly.
I look down at my feet. His kindness toward me is misplaced. I’m not who he thinks I am. I’m an imposter. “I shouldn’t be here.” I swallow the emotion down.
“I’ll take you back now.”
I simply nod.
Kai stoops to the ground and plucks one of the white flowers. “Here. For you.” He holds it out as a peace offering.
I take the flower, balancing the delicate weight of it in my palm, and can’t help but remember Will picking wild edible plants for me. This flower in comparison feels useless, silly.