chapter 33
Kai is not happy with me. He hasn’t said anything beyond what’s absolutely required to me in six days. There have been no more hugs, no more kisses and I couldn’t care less. I am going home. Well, whatever is left of my home. Kai doesn’t understand…I couldn’t not go. I’m sick with worry over what I’ve learned. Things are worse than ever, and even if I’m safe here, my mom, my friends are not.
But ever the good guy that he is, Kai gets me to eat, fusses over me, and continues taking care of me in his quiet way.
I pack my bag in silence, adding the clothes Kai bartered away his own meager possessions to get for me.
He enters my room and hands me several biscuits wrapped in a dishcloth. “Here. Take these.”
I nod and accept the food. It would be foolish to refuse. I’ll have to eat on the journey. I wish I could find the words to sufficiently thank Kai, to explain to him why I need to do this, but I know it’ll come out wrong, so I remain quiet.
We spend our last night silently sitting in front of the fireplace, the logs popping and crackling are the only sounds in the entire house. It’s a nice cabin, and I know I’ll miss its comforts when I’m travelling for the next ten days.
Kai rises from his chair and stretches his arms over his head, his shirt lifting over his abs with the movement. He catches me watching and I drop my gaze to the floor.
“It’s getting late,” he says.
I nod. “Yeah.” Since I have no idea how to say goodbye, I don’t. I just hold out my hand and Kai accepts it, lacing his fingers with mine. I tug him towards my room and wordlessly, he follows. There’s no sense in pretending I didn’t get a great night’s sleep in his arms the last time, and I know he’ll take any chance he can to be close to me. If that makes me a bad person, so be it.
Once we’re in bed, I let him kiss me a few times, and it’s nice, but it doesn’t heat my skin and make me want more. After a little while, Kai plants his face in the crook of my neck and inhales, releasing his breath slowly. “Goodnight,” he whispers.
“Goodnight, Kai,” I whisper back.
In the morning, I’m up and gone before Kai is even awake. I tiptoed from the room, leaving him asleep in my bed and have joined the twelve men at our meeting point on the edge of the village.
The men are quiet, and the mood is somber. Just as we’re setting off, shouts ring in the distance.
“Wait!”
I turn and spot Kai jogging towards us. Oh this is awkward. I don’t want to share a goodbye kiss in front of everyone. I thought that was what last night was for. But then I notice his backpack. He’s outfitted for a trip.
Maybe he thought last night meant something different between us. I thought it was a goodbye, thank you for everything type of thing. He apparently thought it was more of a let’s be together type of thing. I don’t have the heart to correct him. We all need our wits about us on this trip and I don’t want him mopey or any weird tension between us.
Kai argues with Wilson for several minutes about joining us. Kai eventually wins him over, claiming that the group will benefit from having a healer amongst them, just in case.
And so we set off at first light, twelve men, me and Kai like a puppy at my side. This is not good.