She’s right.
I don’t want to look. I don’t want to see blood again. The fear floods through me, leaving me paralyzed in a sea of unyielding pain. I’m drowning in my unshed tears, but I have no choice. There’s no one that can change the outcome either way. If it wasn’t meant to be, then I’ll grieve the loss of another child and what could’ve been. Or if I make it through this with a baby, we’ll celebrate the life that was born.
Entering the bathroom takes every ounce of willpower I have. I close the door and say a silent prayer while I muster up my courage.
I know I pray a lot asking for things. I’m not asking for anything any mother in my place wouldn’t ask for. I know you’re busy, but please don’t take them both from me. Don’t let me lose him and the baby. I won’t be able to function for Aarabelle. Any ounce of hope I’ve ever had will be gone. So, I’m begging you to please bring him home and don’t take another baby from me.
I open the door and start to head to the couch.
“Seriously?” she asks incredulously. “You’re not going to say anything?” Reanell helps me lie down.
“No blood, but I’m still crampy.” It’s relief and then terror all at the same time. No clear signs that I’m miscarrying, but then a cramp hits. I hold my stomach as a tear rolls down my face. “I can’t do this.”
“You can and you will.”
“What am I going to do if this keeps up?” My chin quivers as the question hangs in the air.
Rea crouches down with empathy in her eyes. “You’ll fight. You’ll fight with every ounce you have to come back to us the way you are now. It’ll be hard. It’ll take all the courage you can find, but you have it. You have Liam, Aarabelle, and you have me.”
“Liam’s missing, Rea. I may lose him and this baby.”
“I wish I could take this for you. I won’t fill you up with bullshit, but know I’m not going anywhere.”
I need to take my mind off of all this. None of it can be controlled. I can’t make Liam come back, or this baby happen, but I can control how I handle it. Once again, I’m being tested. “One day I’m going to be able to be the rock in our friendship.”
“You are,” she kisses my cheek. “Now, is there anything I can do?”
“Can you clean the house for me?” I ask Rea.
It may seem like an odd request, but she nods. Reanell picks up the toys and starts to get some things organized. We make idle chit chat about nothing, and I see through her ruse. I know she wants to keep me busy and talking, that way my mind doesn’t go in a million directions.
Like how my boyfriend is missing. I could lose a baby that said boyfriend doesn’t know about. My ex-husband is spouting love and other bullshit. And Liam’s mother could be dying at any moment and he won’t make it home.
“I need to call Liam’s dad and get an update,” I say reaching for my phone.
“Here,” she hands it to me. “Please, lean on me. I know this entire situation sucks, but I’m here.”
“I love you for it too.” I try to smile but it fails.
I hover over the keypad afraid to call and give an already horrific situation more bad news. He called me for help and here I am about to tell him that the other reason he stays strong is in trouble as well.
“Hello?” he answers.
“Hi, Mr. Dempsey . . . it’s Natalie.”
“Have you heard from Liam?” he asks straight away. I can hear the exhaustion in his voice. I’ve been there.
“No, not yet. He’s still on a mission and they’re not able to compromise it by sending a message.”
I tell him a half-truth, but I don’t have it in me to break his heart. I don’t know all the facts either, so making him suffer for maybe no reason would do more harm than good.
“Oh.” The disappointment is evident. “I don’t know how much time we have. I hoped he’d be on his way by now. Will you call me if anything changes?”
“Of course,” I say immediately. “I’m doing everything possible. I want him home for you just as bad as anyone. I have everyone I know doing whatever they can as well.” I hope to assure him.
We talk a little about his wife’s condition and how it happened. I wish I could do more for him, but we’re both a mess. Once I hang up, I will the phone to ring. He has to be okay. Liam has my heart and my soul. He needs to call me. He needs to come home, and I need him to know about our baby.
“Lee,” Rea draws my attention back to her. “Mason knows what he’s doing. I have to have faith in him.”
Before I can say anything, I hear a knock at the door.
All the blood rushes from my face and fear chokes me.
“Hey, it could be UPS,” Rea says and puts her hand on my arm.
“I can’t answer.”
“Natalie,” she chides.