I inhale and memorize the baby smell that’s starting to leave her. This moment, in all my turmoil, Aarabelle is the light. I press my lips to her head and she sighs.
We stay like that for a few moments. I close my eyes, and enjoy this fragment in time. Suddenly, a cramp hits me hard. White blurs my vision as the pain radiates across my stomach. Every muscle tightens and then releases. I start to fall but catch myself right as another flash of pain hits.
“Aaron!” I let out a mangled scream and he rushes in.
Another one hits, and he barely grabs Aarabelle before I fold over. “Lee, what’s wrong?” The fear in his voice is clear.
“Oh my God, the baby!” I cry out as I hold on to the counter while my abdomen clenches. I lose my grip and fall to the floor holding my stomach protectively.
Aaron puts Aarabelle down and then I’m in his arms. He carries me tenderly with his eyes locked on mine. All the while, I watch the color drain from his face. Very gently he lays me on the couch as I pray another cramp doesn’t hit. The terror is splayed across his face because we both know what this could mean.
I look into his brown eyes, and he sweeps the hair off my face. “Just stay still. I’ll call the doctor.”
I grab his arm as tears spill down my face. “I can’t lose this baby today. I can’t.”
His eyes close and he nods.
I fight the urge to go to the bathroom. I pray I won’t feel anything more. No pain, no blood, because it’ll put me over the edge. I’m barely hanging on to the ledge now. I have to muster any amount of courage I have, because this . . . this will kill me. If I lose Liam’s baby while he’s missing . . . I can’t let myself go there.
“No, she just crumpled over,” I hear Aaron explain over the phone. “I’m not sure if she’s bleeding.” A pause. “No, she’s not, but I’m with her now.” Aaron comes back into view and then heads back into the kitchen. “Okay, I’ll call again. Thanks.”
My voice isn’t there when I open my mouth. We both know what they said and now it’s up to my body to decide. Even if I am miscarrying, there’s no way to stop it. I’m too early and all I can do is stay off my feet.
He crouches down and rests on his knees. “Lee, you tell me what to do.”
“Stay and be my friend. Call Reanell and someone should call Liam’s father.”
“I’m sorry about before,” he says and shame is reflected in his eyes.
“You can’t keep doing this to me. I love him, and I’m going to be with him.”
“I wish you didn’t, but I won’t hurt you anymore.”
I grip his hand and try to get him to hear me. Right now, I only have enough strength to worry about one thing. “If you love me, you have to let me be happy. You signed the divorce papers and said you understood. And right now, I can’t talk about all of this. It’s too much.”
“I know. I thought if I let you go willingly, you’d find your way back.” Aaron’s hand falls as do his shoulders. “I want you to be happy. I love you enough for that and for Aarabelle. As much as this sucks, Liam is a good man and he’ll be a good father.”
My hand rests on my belly and I pray he’ll get to be a father to our baby as well. I already know the kind of man he is and how he treats Aarabelle when she’s not even his. He loves her with his whole heart. “I’m scared,” I admit.
“He’ll be okay. I know him better than anyone. If they went silent, it’s for a reason. I know it seems like you knew a lot of what happened on our missions, but you didn’t. There were plenty of times we had close calls. He’s one of the smartest guys I served with and I’d let him lead me any day.” Aaron stands and looks at Aarabelle. “And if something happens with the baby . . .” He looks at my stomach. “You’ll tell him, and if he’s less of a man than I think he is, I’ll beat the shit out of him. Just rest for now. Rea is on her way.”
I close my eyes, try to relax, and pray this doesn’t end the way so many have before. I love this child. I love that man. And I want them both.
“Lee.” Someone shakes me. “Natalie, wake up.”
I open my eyes and Rea is sitting on a cushion pushing my hair back. “Hi,” I croak. “Have you heard anything? Did Mason or Liam call?”
She looks away and I fight the urge to scream. “Mason said they’re still not responding. He won’t tell me anything else, just that he’s in control of the situation.”
“Right,” I sigh. To be honest, I’m lucky I’m getting this much. “I need to get up,” I start to rise and my stomach clenches.
“You okay?”
“No, I’m not, but I need to go to the bathroom. I can’t hold it in anymore.”
Reanell helps me stand and walks with me to the bathroom.
“I’ll be here if you need me.”
“Where are Aaron and Aara?” I ask holding on to the wall.
“They went to the park so you could sleep. You were thrashing in your sleep, so I woke you,” she pauses. “I know you don’t want to go in there, but you can’t stay standing here either. I’ll be right outside the door.” Rea puts her hand on my shoulder, and I fight back the tears.