We stare at each other, and I see the man I promised to love in sickness and in health, for better or for worse. I’m torn in half and burnt to ash. Everything inside of me is dead. How do I do this? How do I break him when he’s already broken? I know that my answer right now will kill him in some form, and if I spare him it’ll be in false hope. Then, the added pressure of knowing Liam will hear whatever I say.
“I can’t do this with you both,” I finally reply exasperated and overwhelmed. “You’re literally killing me. Inside I’m a mess. I cry all the time, I can’t remember the last time I slept without waking in a pool of sweat. You broke me when I found out. I literally tore everything you touched apart. I don’t know who you are anymore,” I say and clutch my stomach.
I turn to Liam and prepare to unload on him. “And you. I love you so much it is physically hurting me to be away from you. But you keep pushing me into someone else’s arms. You leave in three days and I’m dying inside. How can you push me away and then know you could get hurt or worse? All I want to do is curl into your arms and you tell me it’s all going to be okay, but you won’t give me that. Instead you tell me we need to spend time apart?” I ask as the tears fall. “I hate what you’re all doing to me. Am I the only one here that sees how fucked up this is?”
I look to them both and they stand there. I want to throw something, scream, cry, and lose it for once. I’m always the one holding it together. Trying to make our lives easy. I’m a mother, friend, daughter, and lastly I get to be a woman. Well, this time . . . I’m a woman first. I have to give myself a chance to come through this.
“Sweetheart,” Liam steps forward.
I put my hand up. “I need a minute,” I say the words that I’ve been biting back. I see the flash of pain across his eyes, but right now I’m going to save myself.
“No, there are no more minutes.” Liam’s entire body is tight and ready to fight. “I’m done with us taking time. I love you. I would never betray you. You and I make sense. So I’m done shoving you away.”
These two men have the ability to destroy me, and I won’t let that happen. I push past them and head inside. My mother stands with Aarabelle in her arms. Tears fall from her face, and I know she heard it all. I walk over and wrap my arms around them both. Her arm holds me close and Aarabelle puts her head on my shoulder.
“Dada!” she yells, and I turn to see Liam walking in the house.
Aaron’s face falls, he turns, and then walks out the door. “Aaron!” I call out and rush onto the beach after him. “Aaron, stop!”
He turns and pain lances across his face. “You let her call him Daddy?” There’s no judgment in his tone, only hurt and disappointment.
“No,” I shake my head quickly. “And he never encouraged her. It’s just what she called him.”
“I can’t . . .” he begins and then stops talking. He walks closer to the water and stops and screams.
I wait in silence, unsure of what to say or do. You can feel the turmoil rolling off him.
“Everything I hoped for and lived for is gone,” his voice breaks at the end. Aaron turns and his brown eyes cement me to the ground. “I wanted to die so many times. I could’ve begged at the end for them to kill me, but I lived because I kept seeing your face. Each night I closed my eyes and saw you and imagined what she looked like. Now, I come home and you’re in love with another man. No, not just another man. Liam. My best fucking friend and my daughter is calling him Daddy!” he yells, and it’s my turn to break.
I step closer to him, the urge to comfort him overwhelming me. “It wasn’t like that. You died in my world, Aaron. There was a paper that said you were gone. No hope of a return. We said our goodbyes, and I grieved.” My hand touches his. “I was dead inside. Then he came to Virginia and made me live again. He brought joy, laughter, and love back to us. Liam didn’t steal anything.” Aaron’s eyes close and I go on. “In your letter, you told me to move on. I wasn’t sure I could at first, and then when things shifted further into more with Liam, I found out about Brittany.”
“You’ll never know how much I hate myself for sleeping with her.” I touch his face softly and he squeezes my hand. “It was my worst mistake. I felt so incapable of making you happy. Everything was about the baby and I couldn’t cope. Then, I convinced myself while I was gone it never really happened. If I could deny it over and over then maybe, just maybe, we could find a way again. But once again . . . can you see how fucked up I am? Can you see how I don’t even know who I am anymore?”
“You’re in there, Aaron. You’re not a bad guy, but you can’t keep doing this. You have to deal with everything.”
“Please, Lee. Save me,” his voice is desperate.
There are two options right now—I can hold on to the hate and anger toward him or forgive and try to move forward. He made a horrible mistake, but it’s not within me to make him suffer. “I can’t save you. But I forgive you.”
His eyes snap up and I see a small piece of relief. “Does that mean we have a chance?”