Back to You

February 2012
Lauren sat cross-legged on the floor, stringing multicolored beads onto a thread of yarn.
“I found another sparkle one!” Erin declared proudly, holding up the tiny gold bead embedded with glitter.
“Lucky girl,” Lauren smiled. “There aren’t that many in there.”
Erin studied it closely before she held it out to Lauren. “Do you want it? Your necklace doesn’t have any sparkly ones.”
“That’s okay, sweetheart. You keep it. I’m almost done.”
“‘Kay,” Erin said, furrowing her brow in concentration as she attempted to get the tiny bead on her string.
As Lauren secured the last bead on her own necklace, she glanced up at the clock and then quickly threw a look over her shoulder toward the vestibule.
There was no way her luck would hold out much longer.
It had been two weeks since Lauren asked Michael to leave her apartment, and in that time, she’d had no contact with him whatsoever. She hadn’t called or texted, which was well within her control, but she’d also managed to avoid him at Learn and Grow, something she figured would be virtually impossible.
Most days now when Lauren’s shift ended, Erin would remain at the center playing with the late pick-up group. And she had started arriving in the mornings before Lauren, or else she would suddenly appear in the pre-K room out of nowhere on the days that Lauren happened to beat her there.
Granted, Lauren avoided the vestibule at all costs, so maybe they would have run into each other by now if she hadn’t been taking such precautions to prevent it.
Or maybe he was taking the same precautions she was.
Lauren felt like she had exhausted all of her courage in the past two weeks. First, there had been the argument with Michael. Then, the morning after Michael left her apartment, she had called Jenn. Lauren apologized to her friend for the outburst and admitted that Jenn had been right about everything, and that it was incredibly stupid of her to even entertain the idea of rekindling anything with Michael. She ended the conversation by assuring Jenn she had a handle on whatever it was she was feeling and that nothing would come of it.
Three days after that, she called Adam and told him she had some personal issues she needed to deal with, and because of that, she wasn’t in the right place to continue a relationship with him. He had been upset, but extremely understanding, which ironically only made it harder on her. Truth be told, a little piece@Well, le decision of her wanted him to yell at her for leading him on for two months. She wanted him to tell her to go to hell. But instead he told her he still cared about her, and if she ever changed her mind, he would love to try again with her someday.
It made her feel wretched.
After that, she just didn’t have it in her for another confrontation with Michael. And even if she did, there was nothing left to say.
“Is this long enough?” Erin asked, holding up her string of beads.
“Perfect,” Lauren said. “Tie off the end like I showed you and then you can wear it.”
Erin looked down as she worked her little fingers around the yarn, trying to make a knot. After a minute, she said, “I wanted to ask you to come over, but Daddy said I shouldn’t.”
Lauren stilled for a second before she gently cleared her throat. “That’s sweet of you Erin, and I would love to, but I’ve been very busy lately.”
“That’s what Daddy said.” She finished her knot as she sighed. “Maybe one day.”
Her normally bubbly voice sounded completely deflated.
“Hey,” Lauren said, forcing a smile as she ran her hand over Erin’s hair. “I still see you everyday.”
“But you don’t see Daddy.”
Lauren’s smile fell, and she turned toward the supply basket, trying to hide her expression.
What could she possibly say to that?
She took a small breath before she grabbed the scissors and turned back to Erin, cutting the excess yarn from her necklace.
“Are you mad at Daddy?”
Lauren lifted her eyes to see Erin looking at her intently.
Like she already knew the answer.
Even at four, she was too smart to be lied to. “I’m not mad. I’m…” She took a breath. “I don’t know what I am.” Lauren fastened the beads around Erin’s neck. “But it’s nothing you need to be sad about,” she added with a reassuring smile.
When she had finished securing the necklace, Lauren sat back, watching as Erin looked down at her creation and rolled it between her thumb and forefinger. “Daddy never gets mad at me, you know.”
“Oh no?” Lauren asked, beginning to scoop the unused beads into a pile.
“Nope. He only gets disappointed.”
Lauren smiled softly as she took the lid off the bead canister.
“So are you disappointed then?” Erin asked.
Lauren sighed. “Yeah, I guess I’m disappointed. Hey, you wanna have a race?” she asked, trying to change the subject. “Let’s see who can clean up the most beads.”
Erin leaned over and scooped up a heap with both hands. “Daddy said even when he’s disappointed in me, he never stops loving me.”
Lauren forced another smile. “That’s true, sweetheart. Your daddy will always love you, no matter what.”
“Well then do you still love Daddy?”
Lauren whipped her head up. “What?” she choked.
Completely oblivious, Erin dumped two fistfuls of beads into the container. “Even though you’re disappointed. You didn’t forget to still love him, did you?”
Lauren was completely frozen { display: block; text-indent: 5%; font-size: 0.88rem; margin-top: f29 as she stared at her.
“You’re losing,” Erin sing-songed as she dumped another handful of beads into the container.
She had to swallow twice before responding. “That’s because you’re such a good cleaner,” she said weakly. She attempted to scoop up a handful of beads, but she realized her hands were trembling.
“Keep cleaning, sweetheart,” she murmured, dropping her meager fistful into the container as she stood from her place on the floor.
“Where are you going?”
“Just…to the bathroom,” Lauren managed as she turned and exited as quickly as she could without drawing attention to herself.
As soon as she was inside, she shut the door, falling back against it as she reached behind her body to turn the lock. And when her chin started to tremble, she rushed forward and turned on the faucet, gathering the cold water in her hands and splashing it on her face.
She gripped the sides of the sink and lifted her head, staring at her own reflection.
Almost instantly, her eyes welled with tears.
Lauren had always wished Michael could learn how to let go of his past, to absolve himself of everything he’d taken the blame for.
But how could he ever forgive himself for this if she wouldn’t forgive him?
It was true he had absolutely crushed her all those years ago. But she knew now it wasn’t a selfish move on his part. It had actually been selfless. He had done what he thought was in her best interest. He was young, and he was wrong, and it was a huge mistake. But he owned that. So how could she keep condemning him?
Lauren may have been disappointed by his actions, but that didn’t change the fact that she loved him.
It had taken a four-year-old to make her see that.
She stared at her reflection as a breathy laugh fell from her lips.
And then she turned off the faucet and bolted out of the bathroom.
Lauren rushed past the chaos in the pre-K room and out to the vestibule, rummaging in the front desk until she found her cell phone, and before she had even made it outside, she had already dialed the number.
She paced in front of the day care center, her heart rate increasing with each subsequent ring.
Then she was directed to his voice mail.
She hung up, staring down at the phone for a second before she hit the button to redial his number.
When she was redirected to his voice mail again, this time she took a breath and waited for the beep.
“Michael,” she said. “It’s me.”
She paused, realizing she hadn’t thought through what she was going to say.
“I need you to call me,” she finally managed, adding quickly, “Erin is fine. I just…I really need to talk to you.”
She stood there for a second before she closed her eyes and exhaled, hitting the button to end the call.
The ball is in his court now, she told herself as she walked back into the building. It’s out of your hands.
And while that should have provided her with some level of relief, it only made her more anxious.
Lauren went back inside and helped the children clean up, and then she stood in the vestibule for the first time in two weeks to help with @edck you todismissal.
In a matter of fifteen minutes, all the regular students had been picked up, but Erin remained once again.
Lauren lingered for as long as she could, finding a shelf to straighten here, a toy to put away there, hoping he would show up before she had to leave for class.
“What are you still doing here?” Deb asked as she walked past Lauren to the file cabinet. “Delia has the late pick-ups tonight.”
“Oh, I know…I was just,” she looked around. “I couldn’t find my phone. But I got it now.” She held it up with a tiny smile as she walked toward the exit. “See you tomorrow.”
“Good night,” Deb called cheerily as she rooted through one of the filing drawers.

Thirty minutes later, Lauren was sitting in a lecture hall staring through the professor in the front of the room. She realized within the first five minutes of class that attending had been a pointless endeavor. She couldn’t focus on a single word of the lecture.
She had her phone on the desk, set to silent, and every minute or so she would glance down at the display, even though she hadn’t felt it vibrate.
She spent the entire class running through different scenarios in her mind. What would happen if he called and he was angry. What would happen if he called and he was reluctant. What would happen if he called and was just as anxious to put this behind them as she was.
She planned what she would say in each situation, rehearsing it in her mind, until suddenly the professor was dismissing them.
By the time Lauren was pulling onto her street, a feeling of despondency was beginning to overshadow her anxiety.
It was almost seven o’clock. Erin had already been picked up. He would have seen her missed call by now. He should have already listened to her message.
As Lauren walked into her apartment, she realized there was one scenario she hadn’t accounted for.
What would happen if he didn’t call her back at all?
She had been so concerned with making sure she’d say everything right when the time came that she hadn’t even thought about the possibility that she might not get the chance.
Lauren walked into her apartment, stripping off her jacket and throwing it over a chair before she sank down onto the couch, staring at the screen of her cell phone.
After five minutes of silence, she tossed the phone to the other side of the couch and stood up.
She couldn’t keep torturing herself all night. Either he was going to call her, or he wasn’t, but staring at the phone for hours wasn’t going to change anything.
She was going to make herself dinner. Then she was going to take a bubble bath, something she hadn’t done in years. And maybe after that, she’d finally start watching some of the shows that had been sitting in her DVR for weeks.
But first, she needed to e-mail one of her classmates and ask for a copy of the notes from tonight’s class.
Lauren powered up her laptop, signed into her professor’s website, and found the list of students from her class. She scrolled down, clicking on the e-mail address of one of the girls she sat next to and asked for a copy of the notes she’d missed.
Then she closed out and clicked on her inbox, deleting a few spam messages and reading a hilarious forward from Jenn. Just@ finally leasi as she was about to log out, her eye landed on the e-mail from Michael, the one he’d sent a few weeks ago on Erin’s birthday.
Lauren bit her bottom lip, slowly running her finger over the track pad, and she clicked on it, rereading the words that had originally sent her into a panic.
But tonight, they made her ache.
She scrolled down to the bottom of the message and clicked on the song attachment she had refused to open that night.
The first chord broke through the silence of her apartment, giving her goose bumps.
When you try your best, but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse.
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can’t replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste,
Could it be worse?
Lauren closed her eyes and pressed her lips together, trying to stop them from trembling.
And high up above or down below
When you’re too in love to let it go
But if you never try, you’ll never know
Just what you’re worth.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.
The sob that ripped through her throat momentarily drowned out the music, and she covered her face with her hands, trying to catch her breath. But the more she gasped, the faster the tears came until she was only hearing bits and pieces of the song intermingled with her stifled sobs.
…when you lose something you cannot replace…
…I promise you I will learn from my mistakes…
…Lights will guide you home…
and I will try to fix you.
With the music still playing, Lauren leapt from the chair and scrambled out of her room, grabbing her keys from the entryway table on her way out the door.
And then she was running down the walkway.
She hadn’t even thought to grab a jacket; the freezing February air bit at her skin, and a cold drizzle had dampened her hair by the time she got to her car.
Swiping at the tears that wouldn’t stop, Lauren sped down the road that would take her to him. They had wasted almost nine years, and she refused to waste any more time. She had to apologize. To tell him she finally understood.
She needed to tell him she had forgiven him.
By the time she had gotten to Michael’s apartment, it was pouring. Lauren jumped out of the car and ran up to his front door, ducking her head against the freezing, needle-like rain that was stinging her skin.
She rang the doorbell before wrapping her arms around herself; the cold air was becoming unbearable as her clothes quickly beca@ pulled leasime soaked through.
“Michael?” she called, knocking on the door.
When a few seconds passed and he hadn’t answered, she knocked again, a little harder this time. “Michael?”
“Hello?”
Lauren whipped her head in the direction the voice came from, squinting against the downpour. The door of the apartment next to Michael’s was open, and a small elderly woman was standing in the entryway, silhouetted with light from inside.
“Are you okay, dear?” she asked, pulling a knit cardigan a little tighter around herself.
Lauren opened her mouth to respond just as a little voice cut through the darkness.
“Miss Lauren! You came over!”
From behind the old woman, a tiny head popped out, completely throwing Lauren off guard.
But then it clicked. Michael’s neighbor. The girls’ nights.
Lauren waved sheepishly at Erin, swiping at the strands of hair that were plastered to her face.
“Are you looking for Michael?” the old woman asked.
Lauren nodded. “I didn’t mean to disturb you, I just—”
“We’re playing Go Fish! Wanna come play?” Erin called from the doorway.
The old woman smiled and placed her hand on the top of Erin’s head. “He’s out, honey. Why don’t you come in and dry off while you wait for him?”
The icy rain spilled over her cheeks and down the sides of her neck as she stood there, taking in Erin’s tiny, hopeful expression and the look of sympathy the old woman was giving her.
And suddenly her answer was clear.
“No, no thank you,” she said softly, hoping the woman could hear her over the din of the downpour. She forced a smile and waved a good-bye to Erin as she turned and quickly made her way back to her car.
Lauren started it up, clenching her jaw against the violent chattering of her teeth as well as the emotion she felt swelling up in her throat.
Michael had left work, picked up Erin, come home, dropped her off with the neighbor, and gone out. And she knew there was no way he hadn’t checked his voice mail somewhere in there.
He obviously didn’t want to talk to her. And there was no way she could bring herself to be waiting for him in his neighbor’s house, sopping wet and pathetic, knowing that was the case.
If he was angry now, Lauren thought as she drove mindlessly down the rain-soaked roads, she deserved it. After all, he had apologized, had owned fault, had essentially poured his heart out to her, only to be coldly turned away and ignored for the past two weeks.
By the time she pulled into her parking space, her tears had stopped, although she could distinctly feel the sting they left behind. Lauren exited the car and ducked her head against the unrelenting rain, watching as her feet spattered the puddles up over her shoes. She was completely soaked, but she couldn’t feel the cold anymore.
“Hey.”
Lauren whipped her head up as she sucked in a startled breath, coming to an immediate halt when she saw him. She blinked quickly against the raindrops that were assaulting her vision, but she knew she was seeing clearly.
He had his hood up, his head slightly ducked against the rain as he looked up at her. She watched his eyes drop to take in her appearance before making their way back to her face { display: block; text-indent: 0%; font-size: 0.88rem; margin-top: ou"> shoulder, and she realized how ridiculous she must have looked, drenched from head to toe with swollen bloodshot eyes and mascara running down her face.
Michael stuffed his hands in his pockets, his expression confused. “Where were you?”
Lauren swallowed. “I…,” she began, and then she exhaled heavily, wiping the saturated hair away from her face. “I was at your apartment. Looking for you.”
The confusion on his face was quickly replaced with concern. “I was taking a test. I got your message when I got out, and I called you a few times, but you weren’t picking up.”
Lauren pulled her brow together and shook her head, but then she realized that in her haste leaving the house, she’d not only left her jacket behind, but her purse and her phone as well. A tiny ember of relief lit in her belly, sending little sparks of warmth up through her chest.
“It made me nervous. That message, and then you not answering,” he said. “So…I came here.”
She knew she should say something, but her throat was growing tighter by the second. All she could do was stand there like an idiot, blinking against the rain and her impending tears.
His eyes were darting back and forth between hers. “Are you okay?” he finally asked.
She forced her body to work, nodding her head slightly. “Yes,” she managed. But then her breath caught on a sob, and she choked out, “No.”
“No?” he said, removing his hands from his pockets as he instinctively stepped toward her. But then he stopped abruptly, almost as if he realized he would be breaking a rule, and he stepped back, bringing his hands to his sides.
The look in his eyes was so heartbreaking that Lauren’s restraint instantly crumbled. She threw herself forward, wrapping her arms around him as she buried her face in his chest and burst into tears.
Immediately his arms came around her, pulling her into his body. “Hey,” he cooed softly as he ran his hand over the back of her head. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m here.”
She nodded against his chest, but she couldn’t manage anything beyond the sobs that kept bursting from her lips.
Suddenly her feet were off the floor, and then she was moving. Lauren curled up against him, tightening her hold around his neck as he carried her toward her front door. He reached behind his head, taking the keys out of her hand and opening her door, and then he placed her gently on the couch. Lauren brought her hands to her face, gulping for air as she tried to get her bearings, and she could hear the sounds of him in the bathroom, opening and closing cabinets.
When she heard him turn the light off, she looked up to see him walking toward her with one of the large, plush towels from her linen closet. He removed his jacket and tossed it on the floor in the entryway before he leaned over and wrapped the towel around her shoulders, rubbing the tops of her arms vigorously.
Lauren brought the ends of the towel up to her face, wiping away the rain and the tears, and she felt the couch dip as he sat next to her.
She turned then, crawling into his lap as she buried her face in the crook of his neck.
Michael sat back as he tucked her against his body, running his hand up and down her back as she continued to hiccup pathetically in the aftermath of her breakdown.
When she finally achieved some semblance of control, she lifted her head and looked up at him. “I’m so sorry. For everything@ looked "> shoulder,” she whispered.
“Don’t,” Michael said softly. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“Yes, I do,” she said. “My reaction, the way I treated you that night, the way I’ve been treating you for the past two weeks. None of that was okay.”
“Lauren,” he said, pulling the towel a little tighter around her, “you’ve been much nicer to me in these past few months than I ever deserved. Your reaction was mild, and long overdue, if we’re being honest.”
She shook her head. “I understand why you left now. I need you to know that I forgive you.”
Michael closed his eyes as he exhaled slowly, his shoulders softening in relief before he nodded. “Just know that it killed me,” he murmured as he lifted the corner of the towel and wiped underneath one of her eyes. “Every day. I kept wanting to call you, to come back home to you, to ask you to come out to me. You have no idea how much.”
He swallowed, and Lauren gently placed her hand on his chest. “But the more I battled myself,” he continued, “the more time passed. And the longer I stayed away, the easier it was to convince myself that you’d gotten over me by then. And I thought it would be so unfair to you, to worm my way back into your life after you’d already moved on, especially since I didn’t think I could be what you needed. I painted myself into a corner, and I didn’t know how to fix it, or even if I could.”
Michael looked down at her hand, and he lifted it to his mouth, kissing her palm before he placed it back on his chest and looked up at her. “But I never stopped loving you. Not for one second.”
And then Lauren did something her heart had wanted her to do from the second she saw him standing in the vestibule of Learn and Grow holding his little girl.
She kissed him.
She felt his hand curl into a fist behind her back, gripping the towel, but his lips remained gentle as he lifted his chin and kissed her back.
The second their lips touched, every hair on her body stood on end. It felt like an electric current was running through her, from the crown of her head to the bottom of her feet, and she pressed her body against him, bringing her hands to the side of his face.
“I should have pushed,” she said. “I should have pursued you.” As she spoke, her lips ghosted over his. “But I thought that you didn’t want me,” she whispered. “And I was too hurt and too proud and too stupid.”
She brought her mouth back to his, and he made a small noise in the back of his throat as he kissed her again, this time with a hint of the urgency she could feel in the fist that was still clenching the towel tightly behind her back.
Lauren pulled back slightly. “So it was my fault too,” she said softly, and Michael shook his head, shifting his weight as he released his hand from the towel. He slid it up under her hair, gently winding it around his hand before he pulled lightly, forcing her to tilt her head back. When she felt the heat of his mouth on her throat, her eyes fluttered closed.
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” he whispered against her skin. “We’re right where we’re supposed to be now.”
And when Lauren brought her head back down, their mouths met in a searing kiss that confirmed what he had just reassured her of.
This was exactly where she belonged. Because the way he was holding her, the way his mouth felt on hers, made ou"> shoulder everything else she’d ever known of contentment feel like a sham.
She felt his fingertips curl under the hem of her shirt, and when he slowly slid it up her abdomen, she broke contact and lifted her arms, allowing him to peel the soaking garment from her body.
“Michael,” she breathed as she came back to him, and he exhaled heavily as his hands came to the sides of her waist.
“Should we…?” he asked, glancing down the hall.
“No,” she sighed, kissing him again. “Here. I don’t want to wait anymore.”
Michael wrapped one arm securely around her back and supported her head with the other before shifting his weight from the couch and lowering them onto the floor.
“That night with you,” he said, kissing across her collarbone. “Nothing compared to it. Nothing ever came close.”
“I know,” she breathed. And she did. Because they hadn’t done anything but kiss, and she could already feel it. The thing that was missing with every other man. The thing that made her heart come alive in her chest and her body thrum with emotion and her soul feel like it was home.
Michael kissed a slow path across her chest and down the line of her stomach, and by the time he was unfastening the button to her jeans, she could feel the rapid beat of her heart pulsing throughout every part of her body.
He slowly peeled away her sodden jeans before bringing his hands back to her body. He was touching her like she was porcelain, looking at her as if she were sacred, and she laid there, trembling beneath his hands while he reacquainted himself with her body.
When she couldn’t stand it any longer, she sat up and began removing his clothing. She tried to be as gentle as he had been, but her need for him had taken over entirely, and she found herself jerking the garments from his body in rushed, clumsy movements.
He grinned at her, helping her remove the last of his clothes before he lowered her back to the floor.
Lauren brought her hands to his waist, looking up at him. “This is real?” she asked.
It seemed like such a silly thing to say, but having everything she wanted fall into place, especially after so long, felt too good to be true. She wasn’t even sure what she was asking him: Were they really about to do this? Was he feeling what she was feeling? Was everything about to change?
He rested his weight on his elbows as he cradled her head in his hands. “Yes,” he whispered, as if in answer to all three.
She closed her eyes and tightened her hold on him.
“Open your eyes. Look at me,” he whispered.
She did as he asked, and in one slow, smooth movement, their bodies were connected.
“God,” he breathed, dropping his head to her shoulder, and she tightened her legs around his hips, urging him forward.
As soon as he began moving, Lauren was completely overcome. On the one hand, she had waited so long to be with him again, but at the same time, it seemed like they had never been apart, like there had never been anyone else but him.
She was instantly spellbound, completely lost. Everything else in her world fell away, and the only thing that existed or even remotely mattered was Michael, finally there with her, his hands traveling over her body and the brush of his lips everywhere he could reach.
She felt like she was being worshipped.
The last time they had been together, { display: block; text-indent: 5%; font-size: 0.88rem; margin-top: f29he had been so careful. This time, there was a confidence in his movements and determination behind his actions. He could read her so easily; he understood exactly what she needed and when, and he knew just how to prolong the intense sensations he was giving her, drawing out every feeling until it was almost unbearable. And when he knew she couldn’t take anymore, he doubled his efforts until he drove her over the edge, kissing her passionately and swallowing every moan she offered up to him.
There were no words for what Lauren felt in that moment. It was far beyond just physical pleasure, encompassing every square inch of her body until she felt like she might burst out laughing and crying simultaneously in its aftermath. But instead she focused all of her remaining energy on making him feel the way he had just made her feel.
It wasn’t long before she felt his body begin to tense, and when the slow, steady rasp of his breath grew rapid, she pulled him down to her, bringing her lips to his ear.
“I love you,” she whispered.
Then he was gone, pulling her against his body as he gave himself over to the release. Michael fell forward, his overworked muscles trembling with the effort of keeping his weight off of her until finally he rolled onto his back, pulling her against his side.
Lauren placed her hand on his stomach, her breath fast and heavy, and she could feel his heart racing against her cheek.
“Jesus Christ,” he finally said, and Lauren laughed softly as she closed her eyes.
“I know.”
“I thought I built it up in my head,” he said through labored breath. “What it felt like to be with you.”
She shook her head. “To think we could have been doing this for years.”
Michael groaned softly. “Don’t remind me what an idiot I am.”
Lauren smiled. “You’re not an idiot. I kind of like you.”
He burst out laughing. “You kind of like me?”
“Little bit.”
He laughed again, pulling her further into his side as he pressed his lips against the top of her head. After a minute, he said, “What made you approach me that day?”
“Hmm?” she asked as she lazily trailed her fingertips over his chest.
Michael shifted as he placed his hand behind his head and looked down at her. “In high school. I’ve always wondered about that. Why did you give me those notes?”
Lauren smiled as she realized what he was talking about. “Because you looked so sad the day before.”
“Sad? How do you figure?”
“Not when you were flinging desks across the room,” she clarified, and she felt his chest bounce with laughter beneath her. “I meant after that, when you were sitting in the parking lot.”
“Ahh, that’s right,” Michael said slowly, nodding his head. “I forgot about the part where you stalked me.”
Lauren reached up and pinched the inside of his arm, and he yelped out a laugh as he ripped it out of her reach. She went up on her elbow, laying partially on his chest as she looked down at him. “You didn’t look so scary then. You looked like you needed a friend. So I wanted to do something nice for you.”
Michael reached up to touch her face just as she added, “I had no idea you would turn out to be such an a*shole.” { display: block; text-indent: 5%; font-size: 0.88rem; margin-top: f29
He raised his eyebrows as she looked down at him fighting a smile, and then suddenly both of his hands were on her waist as he tickled her. She squealed loudly as she tried to push off of him, but he shifted his weight so he was on top of her, pinning her down and continuing the torturous movement of his fingers up and down her sides as she screeched with laughter and gasped for air.
When he saw the tears at the corners of her eyes, he finally stopped, rolling off of her as he pulled her back on top of him with a laugh.
Lauren pushed herself up on her hands as she attempted to catch her breath, and he smiled up at her, swiping the hair out of her face as he leaned up and kissed her.
When his mouth transitioned from tender to insistent, Lauren pulled back slightly.
“Okay, this isn’t helping me catch my breath,” she exhaled, and he chuckled softly, shifting their weight so she could rest her head on his chest. Michael slowly pulled his fingers through her hair, and Lauren sighed and closed her eyes.
“So,” Michael said as his fingers lulled Lauren closer and closer to sleep. “What happens now?”
“What do you mean?” Lauren murmured softly, and she felt his chest rise beneath her as he inhaled deeply.
“I mean, with us. What happens now?”
Lauren lifted her head, resting her chin on his chest as she looked at him.
She did her best to keep a straight face as she said, “Oh, come on. You’re not going to get all clingy on me, are you?” She bit the inside of her cheek as she watched the shock register on his face before she said, “I don’t know what you were looking for, but I just needed a little stress relief.”
He stared up at her for a second before the corners of his mouth twitched, and then he rolled them so he was on top of her again.
“Stress relief?” he asked as he settled his hips between her thighs. “That’s all this was?”
“‘Fraid so,” Lauren said, fighting every urge in her body to press up against him.
He smiled. “Well,” he said, lowering his head as he gently dragged his teeth over the skin beneath her ear, “I heard that going for a master’s degree can be pretty stressful.”
“It’s torture,” she breathed, her eyes fluttering closed.
She felt his lips curve into a smile against the skin of her throat. “Could be that you might need stress relief on a regular basis then,” he said as he kissed his way up the column of her neck.
Lauren dropped her head back. “I couldn’t agree more,” she said. “It’s a good thing batteries are on sale at Target this week.”
His head snapped up as he looked at her, and she burst out laughing as she hooked her hand behind his neck and pulled him down to her. “I love you,” she said against his lips.
She felt him smile before he kissed her softly, and with a gentle shift of his hips, he reconnected their bodies.
“I love you too,” he whispered. “Always have.”
And when his mouth found hers again, slow and reverent in the darkness, there wasn’t a doubt in her mind it was true.