Back to You

December 2011
Lauren walked through the glass door that Adam held open for her, the wine in her system making her feel warm and tranquil, despite the cold December air that assaulted her as she exited the restaurant.
She watched as Adam approached the valet, handing him their ticket and saying something to him that made the man laugh. She never tired of watching him interact with people; there was something about him that instantly disarmed whomever he was speaking to.
The restaurant he had taken her to was extremely exclusive; in fact, Lauren felt a little out of her element when they first arrived. The staff, much like the décor, was overtly formal, maybe even a bit stuffy. But within seconds, Adam had everyone who waited on them engaged in conversation, smiling and laughing. Over and over again, she found herself completely captivated by his charisma, as if it were the first time she was witnessing it.
Lauren smiled as she walked over to him, gently taking his hand and intertwining their fingers as she rested her head on his shoulder.
He squeezed her hand gently, turning his head to look down at her. “You sleepy?” he asked, his voice a soft purr against Lauren’s cheek that only added to the serenity she was feeling.
She shook her head and looked up at him, and he smiled before leaning down and planting a kiss on her forehead. “Good,” he said. “I couldn’t let you fall asleep before midnight on New Year’s Eve. That would be blasphemous.”
“Blasphemous?” Lauren echoed with a laugh.
“Absolutely,” he said, releasing her hand as the valet pulled his car up in front of them. “Or at the very least, pitiful,” he added with a smirk over his shoulder as he opened the passenger door for her.
Lauren laughed again, sliding into the seat as Adam tipped the valet and wished him a Happy New Year.
“So,” Adam said once he was seated beside her and starting the car, “shall we begin phase two of our date?”
“What’s phase two?” Lauren asked as she buckled her seatbelt.
“Depends. I have a few options. You can decide where the evening takes us.”
Lauren smiled. ">She stood there for a second. siChoose Your Own Adventure books?”
Adam laughed, looking over at her. “Exactly like that. So, your character can either attend this party one of my neighbors is throwing—apparently he’s notorious for his New Year’s parties, although I’ve never been,” he said. “Or, your character can go somewhere low-key. Lauren Monroe, choose your adventure.”
She looked over at Adam’s profile, the smile curving his lips, the angle of his jaw, highlighted and defined every few seconds by the flash of streetlights as they passed, and her decision was made.
“Low-key,” she said.
“You got it,” Adam said, glancing in his rearview as he switched lanes and took the highway entrance ramp.
They drove for a little under an hour, and Lauren was so consumed by their conversation that she paid no attention to where they were going until the terrain suddenly turned bumpy.
She glanced out the window, seeing nothing but trees and darkness.
“Are we going off-roading?” Lauren asked, reaching out to steady herself on the dash. “I didn’t think we were going on an actual adventure.”
Adam smiled, his eyes still on the road. “We’ll only be off-roading for a few more minutes.”
“Okay, but just so you know, hiking in the dark is definitely not my idea of low-key. And there’s no way I could do it in these shoes.”
“Or that dress,” Adam said, glancing over to let his eyes run down her body before he brought them back to the road, and Lauren stifled a triumphant smile.
A few minutes later, they came upon a sudden break in the trees. Adam slowed the car, bringing it to a complete stop and cutting the engine and the headlights.
If she hadn’t already trusted him, she would have been terrified. It was as if the car was covered with a tarp. She couldn’t see anything, save for tiny little specks off in the distance that she assumed were the lights of some far-away town.
She glanced over to where Adam was sitting; as her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she could just make out his features. He was smiling at her, his eyebrow quirked.
“What are you thinking?” he asked.
“Um, that you’re planning on murdering me and disposing of my dismembered body out here? Either that, or you just brought me to make-out point.”
Adam burst out laughing, the hearty sound of it filling the car, and Lauren smiled as she unbuckled her seatbelt.
“Not exactly,” Adam finally said through his laughter. “But good to know where your mind is.”
She turned in her seat, facing him fully. “Okay, I give. Where the hell are we?”
He followed her lead, unbuckling his seatbelt and shifting in his seat so he was facing her. “I did find this place hiking once. I used to do it a lot right after I recovered from my neck injury.” He turned to look out the blackened windshield. “I’ve never come here at night, though. I just always thought tonight would be a cool night to do it.”
“Why?”
He smiled and glanced down at his watch. “You’ll see in about four minutes.”
“Oh my God, it’s four minutes until midnight?” Lauren asked, surprised. When Adam nodded, she said, “How is that possible? It feels like the night just started.@ sittingleasi”
“I know,” he said. “It’s always like that with you.”
She smiled. “You mean the night flying by?”
Adam looked down as the corner of his mouth lifted in a smile. “Night, day, phone calls, chiropractic appointments.” He took a small breath, and to Lauren’s surprise, he almost looked sheepish. “I always feel like time goes too fast with you.” He laughed softly as he looked up at her. “Or maybe I just never feel like it’s enough.”
Lauren stared at him, and he looked down again. “I know that sounds—”
She leaned forward, cutting him off as she pressed her lips to his.
He chuckled softly in surprise and amusement, kissing her back. “That wasn’t a line, you know,” he said against her mouth, and she nodded.
“I know,” she breathed before taking his bottom lip between hers, and he made a small sound in the back of his throat, leaning forward and kissing her fully.
His hand came to her face, his thumb caressing her cheek as his fingers slid behind her ear, and she shivered, shifting her body and trying to get as close to him as the console in between them would allow.
A sudden hissing sound followed by a muted pop caused Lauren to open her eyes just in time to see a rainbow of colors explode in the sky, lighting it with a million shimmering twinkles. She broke the kiss, turning her head to look out the windshield; just as the colors fizzled away, the silence was filled with a new series of hisses and pops as fireworks shattered the darkness, some little starbursts of color, while others were tremendous explosions of glitter and light.
Lauren stared out the windshield in awe until she felt his thumb on her cheek again, and she finally pulled her eyes away from the spectacle to look at him.
“Happy New Year,” he whispered.
Another pop sounded, louder than the ones before, and by the sound of it, and the way light danced over Adam’s face, Lauren knew it must have been amazing.
But this time, she kept her eyes on him.
He leaned toward her, bringing his mouth back to hers, and she kissed him, the soft sounds of their lips brushing together mixing with the muted booms of the fireworks in the distance.
Lauren shifted again, trying to get closer, and when the console prevented her, she came up onto her knees and tried to maneuver around the stick shift. Adam immediately sat back against his seat, gripping her hips and helping her over the console and onto his lap.
He slid his hands into her hair, gazing up at her, and as she leaned down to kiss him again, she felt his hands slide down the sides of her neck and over her shoulders.
She shivered, and Adam pulled back slightly, their lips barely touching and their breath mingling together. He ghosted his hands over her ribs, his thumbs grazing the sides of her breasts, and Lauren gasped softly against his mouth before closing the tiny distance, kissing him more earnestly.
He had been so patient with her, always so patient. But she was pushing the boundary right now, and she knew it.
They had only been on three dates before this, so it wasn’t as though it was completely unreasonable that she hadn’t been intimate with him yet. And every time they’d gone out, he’d always been a perfect gentleman, never pushing, never taking it to a new level without her permission.
But she knew he was ready for more. Hell, even she was ready for@ucleasi more. At least, her body was.
But she just couldn’t bring herself to sleep with him yet.
She told herself it was because she wanted to make sure this was something real, something meaningful, before she gave herself over to him.
But she knew what the real reason was.
She knew what always happened whenever she slept with someone. She knew what she would end up doing. And she wasn’t ready for that to happen yet. She liked him too much.
Adam hummed in contentment against her mouth before pulling back slightly and brushing the hair out of her face. “So,” he said breathlessly, “where does the character go from here?”
Lauren dropped her eyes, taking a small breath before she bit her lower lip.
“Hey,” she heard him whisper, and she tentatively lifted her gaze to his. “It’s okay,” he said softly.
“I’m so sorry,” Lauren said, moving to get off of him. “I shouldn’t have—”
His hands immediately came to her hips, stilling her. “Don’t be sorry. We both agreed to take it slow. That’s what we’re doing.”
Lauren looked at him expecting to see the frustration behind his kind words, but all she saw in his eyes was complete sincerity.
She hated herself in that moment. Why couldn’t she just give him what he wanted? What she wanted?
“I do want you, Adam,” she whispered.
He smiled a slow smile before he trailed the backs of his knuckles up the side of her body, and Lauren’s eyes fluttered closed as she instinctively arched toward him.
She quickly regained her composure before opening her eyes and looking down at him.
“I know you do,” he said.
Lauren closed her eyes again, nodding softly as she took a deep breath.
“Do you want to know why my last relationship ended?” Adam asked, shifting her so she was sitting on his lap rather than straddling it.
“Why?” Lauren asked, resting her head against his shoulder as he trailed his fingertips over the skin at her wrist.
“Because she tried to fast-forward everything. She was always on to the next step, the next phase. She treated our relationship like it was a race to the finish line.” He reached up and took a strand of Lauren’s hair, tucking it behind her ear. “And it’s not that I don’t want what’s at the finish line. Living together. Marriage. Babies. I see myself with all of that one day. But this,” he said, gesturing between them. “This part—the beginning part—and the way it makes you feel? The newness of it all, the thrill of anticipation. That doesn’t last forever. So…I don’t know, I think it’s kind of nice to prolong it.”
Lauren closed her eyes and smiled. “So what you’re saying is, you don’t mind savoring things?”
“I don’t mind savoring you.”
She lifted her head off his shoulder and looked up at him and he smiled. “You ready to go home?”
Lauren nodded gently, too overcome to speak.
They drove home in comfortable silence—the radio humming softly between them as he gently played with her fingers, releasing her hand only to shift gears.
And when he walked her to her door, he thanked her for spending New Ye@ this leasiar’s with him and kissed her in a way that made her question her sanity for not dragging him upstairs and having her way with him.
She watched his car pull away before she turned to unlock her door, and just as she turned the key, she heard her cell phone ringing. Lauren dug through her purse as she stepped into her apartment, flipping the light on as she pulled her phone out and looked at the screen.
Instantly, butterflies flooded her stomach.
Incoming Call from Michael.
Ever since that night a few weeks ago when Lauren had taken care of Erin for him, things had changed between them. They were quickly becoming friends again, and the ease with which it was happening made Lauren realize what a fool she’d been for thinking it could have been avoided. So it wasn’t unusual for her to see his number now.
But every time she did, she’d react the same way, and she hated it. And tonight, on the tail end of her evening with Adam, those butterflies felt even more traitorous.
She hit the button to take the call as she removed her coat.
“Hey.”
“Miss Lauren!”
The tiny bell-like voice was not the one she expected, but she grinned.
“Hi, sweetheart! What are you doing awake? It’s way past your bedtime!”
“Daddy let me stay up to see the ball!”
“He did? Wow!” Lauren said with the enthusiasm she knew Erin was expecting.
“Yep! And he let me have a whole ice-cream sundae. And you know what else?”
“What else?” Lauren said, smiling to herself as she stepped out of her heels and walked back to her bedroom.
“We took out all the pans and hit them with spoons when the ball came down. We were loud!” Erin shouted before she squealed with laughter.
“My goodness!” Lauren laughed. “Well, it sounds like you had a lot of fun.”
“We did,” she said. “Oh, and I almost forgot, Happy New Year!”
“Happy New Year, sweetheart,” Lauren said, unzipping her dress and letting it pool at her feet.
“Gotta go! Here’s Daddy!” she said, and then Lauren heard the sounds of the phone changing hands.
“Okay, but we have to start being quiet now, honey. It’s late and people are trying to go to sleep,” she heard Michael say before he took the phone. “Hey,” he finally said. “Sorry about that. I figured you’d be up, and she was insistent that we call.”
Lauren smiled as she quickly pulled an oversized T-shirt over her head. “How is she not passed out yet?”
Michael sighed. “I screwed myself during the celebration process. She’s riding a hardcore sugar high. I might not get to sleep until next weekend.”
“Come on. This isn’t your first time partying with a three-year-old. You should have matched her sugar intake with your own coffee intake. That’s just a rookie mistake.”
Michael laughed. “That’s brilliant,” he said through a yawn. “Where were you when I needed that idea two hours ago?”
She smiled as she crawled into her bed. “I can’t imagine she can go for much longer. She’ll crash soon. And from the sound of it, she won’t be the only one.”
“Pathetic, right? I was nodding before the ball dropped.”
“Pathetic indeed. This from the guy who showed up completely tanked in my driveway at five in the morning one New Year’s, still raring to go.”
“Ah, that’s right,” Michael said slowly. “I believe I puked in your neighbor’s rosebush that night.”
“Hmm, nothing says nostalgia like vomit,” Lauren sighed as she pulled the comforter up over her legs, and Michael laughed.
It was moments like this that Lauren couldn’t comprehend how she had ever lived without his friendship. Jenn had asked Lauren at their monthly dinner two weeks earlier what it was worth, why she would ever want to be Michael’s friend again. And although Lauren didn’t give her an answer, she had done a lot of thinking since the night she spent at his house, and she knew what it was worth.
It was about redemption.
Everyone deserved the chance to be redeemed, and Michael had gone his whole life never having it. He never got to redeem himself with his father. He never got to redeem himself with his brother. And if he was trying to redeem himself now for what he’d done to her, then she was going to let him, even if it left her vulnerable.
Lauren knew she could handle herself. One of the things he’d taught her about herself was that she was much stronger than she thought. She didn’t have to be foolish. She didn’t have to love him again.
She knew those feelings had the potential to resurface, but wasn’t being aware of that enough to prevent it? There was no way it could sneak up on her; she knew what her downfall could be, and so she could consciously remain in control of it. So far, she had done a damn good job of keeping it just friendship. Jenn should have been proud of her.
“Well,” Michael sighed, “at least there was one benefit to me staying in tonight.”
“What’s that?”
“I was able to avoid the black ice.”
“Oh…my…God,” Lauren said, her voice breaking on the last word as she disintegrated into hysterical laughter. She was vaguely aware of Michael laughing on the other end, but she could barely hear him over her own.
Lauren curled forward, holding her stomach as she gasped for air.
“I take it you remember that,” Michael said with a smile in his voice, and Lauren nodded as she wiped the tears from her eyes, still laughing too hard to answer.
After a full minute passed with Lauren still unable to get control of herself, Michael sighed.
“Alright, alright, it wasn’t that funny.”
“You’re kidding, right?” Lauren said, still breathless as she wiped her eyes with her comforter. “I think I can safely say that it was, and always will be, one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.”
The night that Michael had shown up drunk on her driveway, he had woken her up by throwing twigs at her window. Lauren had thought it was an adorable gesture until she opened the window to find Michael barely able to stand.
“You missed New Year’s,” he had slurred. “Come down and party with me.”
“Michael, it’s five in the morning,” she hissed out her window. “And I think you’ve done enough partying.”
“Pshh,” he said, waving his hand at her. “Come on, Red. Come@ this leasi down and hang out with me.”
“I can’t,” she whispered, looking back into her room to make sure no one had heard the commotion and come to check on her.
Michael shrugged. “Suit yourself. Happy New Year!” he yelled, throwing his hands in the air and taking a dramatic bow before he turned and jogged sloppily down her driveway.
“Michael!” she whisper-yelled after him, noticing the precarious shine on the blacktop. “Watch out for the black ice!”
“Watch out for the black guys?” he called over his shoulder, the confusion in his voice mixed with drunken amusement. “What the hell is wrong with—” The words cut off as Michael’s legs soared out from under him, and Lauren watched as he flew into the air, his arms flailing at his sides before he landed flat on his back and glided a few feet until his legs were under her mother’s parked car.
Lauren hadn’t thought about that night in years, but now she couldn’t get the image out of her mind. Every time she thought she’d composed herself, she’d start laughing again.
“I don’t know what the best part of that story is: the epic fall you took, or the fact that you thought I was trying to warn you about black guys,” she said through her cackling.
Michael stifled a laugh. “You do realize I could have killed myself. It’s cruel of you to laugh.”
“Hey, I came running down to make sure you were okay, and double and triple-checked before I even let the first smile crack,” she said. “That was no easy feat, so I’ve earned the right to laugh freely now.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Michael said.
“You were so wasted. I can’t believe you even remember that.”
“Remember it? How could I not? You reminded me of it every chance you got for the next year of our lives.”
Lauren smiled as she laid back against her pillow, and the words were out of her mouth before she could think better of them.
“I really missed you.”
There was a beat of silence, and Lauren’s smile fell as her heart stopped. But before she could even curse herself for the slip-up, she heard him sigh, his words so soft that she wasn’t even sure they were meant for her ears.
“God…me too.”