“You okay?” I asked.
“I’m fine.”
“You’re not moving, are you?” I felt my world slow down a little. He couldn’t just leave.
“What? No, I’m not going anywhere. What made you ask that?”
“I don’t know. You went all spaced out.”
“Sorry, it’s nothing. Finn is missing home, him visiting my aunt in Ireland last week didn’t help, and I’m not sure what to do to make it better. Things here are a lot different.”
“Does he want to go back?”
Finn was nineteen, plenty old enough to live by himself so he could go if he didn’t like it here. But I didn’t think he’d leave his family because they were all really close. Selfishly, I didn’t want Noah to leave, but I also didn’t want his family to be unhappy.
“He wants to but he wouldn’t. I think my parents are considering going home when I’ve finished school.”
There it was, the panic. That was far away enough to have my life and happiness completely linked and wound around him, even more than it already was.
He laughed and kissed me. “Don’t look so scared, although it’s nice to know how you feel, I won’t be going with them. I’ll be old enough to live alone, and I’ll stay for university here.” He smiled shyly and added, “Well, I’ll stay for you.”
I bit my lip and then kissed him because I wasn’t sure what to say or how to express how much I loved him. I almost blurted the words out but we hadn’t said that yet. He would stay with me when his family left. I should have just told him what he made me feel.
Confiding in my parents about my memories wasn’t an option but I could with Noah. I trusted him. Evelyn’s big, innocent eyes seemed to watch me constantly. Every picture of Jeremy I saw she was there.
“You were right,” I said when we pulled away. “I know this is a total conversation changer, but I do need to try to face whatever happened to me when I was a kid. After my dreams, I’m so ready to.” I need to know who Evelyn is and why I feel like I know her.
He winced and lowered his head. “No, I’m sorry about that. I pushed and I shouldn’t have. Things like that happen and just because I thought it was strange didn’t give me the right to make you question your decision to let it go. I was wrong, Scarlett. Maybe you should leave it for now?”
“I don’t want to and even if I did I couldn’t. It’s not a bad thing that you got me thinking about it again. I always would’ve liked to know, it’s just now I need to. Will you help me?” He hesitated before dipping his chin in agreement. “Thank you.”
“So, what are you going to do exactly?”
“I’m not sure yet. I’m going to write the dreams down. Every time I have one, I remember a tiny bit more, although nothing extra really happens, I don’t think. Maybe the more I write them down, the more will come back to me about my past?”
“Alright. You could also try talking to me or your parents, though.”
“I don’t think I can. They’re clearly uncomfortable talking about it.”
“I’m sure it’s difficult for them but surely they’ll do it if it’s best for you?”
“Probably, but I don’t like making them feel bad. If I can remember without hurting my parents, then that’s what I’ll do.”
“Fair enough.”
“I can’t get Evelyn off my mind. I still see her so clearly as she ran past me with Jer.”
“You’re convinced she’s a person and not a doll.”
There was no doubt. “One hundred per cent. But that means my parents are lying to me, and I don’t like that.”
“Understandable. Perhaps there’s a good reason.”
“Such as?”
“I don’t know, something horrible could have happened to her, maybe in the fire, and they don’t want to upset you.”
Perhaps, but that possible reason wasn’t strong enough. “I don’t mean to sound like a terrible person here, but I don’t remember her, I don’t know if we were friends, they could tell me if a stranger died.”
“What if you two were close?”
A cold shudder ran the length of my spine. No! She was playing with Jeremy. A sister? My pulse started thumping in my ears. What if she was a sister and she died in the fire? They wouldn’t talk about the fire because it was too painful, maybe that was why.
“Hey, you okay?”
I shook my head slowly, eyes filling with tears. “What if she was? What if I’m pushing my parents and Jeremy to talk about something as horrific as their daughter, our sister, dying in a fire? They managed to get me and Jeremy out, perhaps they couldn’t get to Evelyn.”
His eyes widened. “Shh, don’t do that. I didn’t mean closer than a friend. It’s just one possibility that, right now, is completely unfounded. Please don’t beat yourself up and feel guilty over something that is probably untrue.”
“You’re right, but what if she was my sister?”