“Yeah. Thanks,” I said, trying to shove thoughts of Evelyn out of my mind. “I’ll text him now.” I fired off a message asking if Noah wanted to come over and turned back to Mum. My skin still felt itchy hot like it had when the explosion in my dream went off. “Can I talk to you about my dreams?”
Mum pursed her lips the way she always did when she was tired of a subject. It was the look she gave Jeremy when he was ten and absolutely needed a mobile phone. It was the look that she gave me when I absolutely needed to go to Disney Land. Both times.
“Okay.”
Her hesitance gave me second thoughts. I hated that talking about it was so hard for both of them. I opened my mouth but quickly closed it again and shook my head. “Never mind. They’re just stupid dreams.”
“They are just dreams, but if they’re bothering you they’re not stupid,” Mum said. She may have said the words but the stiffness in her posture and moisture in her eyes told me she didn’t want to have this conversation at all. I watched her lick her lips twice and clench her hands around over her knees so hard her tendons popped up.
Her fear frightened me. How could I make her relive that when it hurt her so much? “Thanks, but I’m okay actually. It just freaked me out, especially since I have a four-year gap in my memory; that’s all.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?”
“Yeah, I’m sure. I made a decision to leave my memory thing in the past so that’s what I’m going to do. I just want to be better and get on with my life.” I said the words but I didn’t believe them, not completely. After remembering – or thinking I remembered – snippets from my childhood, I really wanted to know it all. But my parents weren’t the most approachable on the subject and I didn’t know how to talk to them.
“We’re glad to hear you say that, sweetheart, we just want you to be happy,” Dad said. They both looked relieved.
“Thanks. I’m going to lie down in bed for a while. Send Noah up when he gets here, please,” I said.
“Of course,” Mum replied faintly.
I smiled and walked out, going to my bedroom. They only made me feel guilty for wanting answers and it was exhausting. Plus Noah replied saying he was on his way and I’d much rather focus on that.
I’d just changed into an oversized knitted top and leggings when he walked in. He wouldn’t care about seeing me in my pyjamas but I felt more human in clothes.
He sat down beside me on my bed and gave me a chaste kiss. “Hey,” he said, flashing me his cute smile I loved so much.
“Hi.” I instantly relaxed. Being around him was the best.
“How’re you feeling?”
“Cramped. Want to get out but…”
“Where do you want to go?”
“I’d settle for anywhere outside right now.”
He stood and held his hand out. “Your wish is my command.”
Noah helped me up, still worried about my lightly bruised ribs. Honestly, they were fine as long as I didn’t start doing somersaults. “Thanks. I need to tell Mum where we go.” Where were we going?
“Already done. She said you were plotting your escape when she let me in. I’m allowed to take you into the garden.”
I wanted to pout and whine. We don’t have a hammock. But I really wanted light that didn’t come from a bulb.
We went out and sat on the bench. I curled my legs, leaning against his side as he wrapped his arm around my back. “Oh God, I’ll never take fresh air for granted again.”
“You really have been going crazy in bed, haven’t you?”
“Yeah. Normally I’d love to lay in bed all day but when I have to, it stops being fun.”
“You are a child,” he teased.
“A child? You looking for an argument there?” I teased.
He frowned and tapped the side of his leg. “No, I don’t enjoy arguing with you.”
“Oh, come on, it was once and you could barely call that and argument. People do fight, though, Noah.” His frown deepened and I realised he was so not used to people arguing. “Come on, your parents never fight?”
“No, actually. They sit down and discuss things a lot but they have never shouted.”
My parents didn’t scream at each other but I’d heard them bicker. Everyone did it, or so I thought. “Wow, we really did have a different upbringing.” Noah’s family were organic vegetarians and although we didn’t eat a whole lot of unhealthy things in my house, I definitely liked junk food and fast food.
“Opposites attract, though, right?” He smiled but I could tell his mind was off somewhere else.
“Definitely, look at Penny and Leonard.”
He frowned. “Who?”
“Never mind, just remind me to make you watch The Big Bang Theory sometime. All that matters is that we’re fine, me and my Dad are getting better, and we have another week before school starts again.”
“Alright. What do you want to do this week?”
“Cinema? Theme park?”
“Yes to the first, no to the second. You can’t seriously be thinking about riding rollercoasters when you’ve just been in a car accident.”
“Well, I wouldn’t do the rollercoasters but maybe we can save that until the summer holidays.”
He did that going far away thing again. I hated that; it was obvious something was on his mind but he never said anything.