An Act of Persuasion

chapterR EIGHT



“DID YOU JUST SAY SEX?”

“I did. I would like to have it,” he said, then added, “With you.” In case that wasn’t clear.

She dropped the spoon into the bowl and sat back staring at him. “Are you crazy?”

Maybe, he wasn’t sure. He only knew he couldn’t stop thinking about her. Couldn’t stop fantasizing about her. He didn’t only want to have sex with her. He wanted to have sex with her as many times as his body was able. He wanted to sink into her until it became a common event. So that some night in the future, thoughts of it wouldn’t play in a continual loop in his mind, driving him to the brink of insanity.

“Anna, I can’t be the first man to say he desired you sexually. I don’t see anything wrong with being honest about what I want.”

“No. I mean, yes. I mean, we are so not there. You walk in here with Chinese food and a book with a picture of a breast highlighted and suddenly it’s okay to talk about sex? That you want it. What the hell am I supposed to do with that bombshell?”

Suddenly irritated, he threw his napkin on the table. “What? You don’t care for surprising news being dropped in your lap? You told me last night that you loved me. Did you think I wouldn’t consider what you said, that I wouldn’t think about what it meant to me?”

“I...uh...I don’t know.”

“Well, I did. I thought it about it all night. What you said weren’t just words, Anna. Or were they?”

“No. I was as honest with you as I could be.”

“Then let me be honest with you. I don’t know if I love you. Hell, I can’t say for sure I know what love is. I’ve certainly never been so overcome with emotion or feeling for another person that it changed me fundamentally inside.”

She shook her head. “I don’t believe that. You’ve told me about your parents. How it was growing up. They sounded like warm, lovely people. You must have loved them.”

“Of course, yes.”

They’d been older. A couple who had found each other later in life. His father was a successful plumber and his mother was a quiet, soft-spoken woman. Having him had been an unplanned event, so Ben’s childhood was more about him fitting into their worlds rather than them accommodating his.

Fortunately, Ben had seemingly been born competent and mature so hadn’t required a lot of their attention and focus. His father was stern, but not harsh. He demanded discipline and he rewarded competence. Ben’s mother’s quiet demeanor hid a deep intellect that he admired and often sparred with.

Had he loved them? He’d been sad when they passed, of course. His father of a heart attack. His mother not two years after that of a sudden brain aneurism. Ben had been orphaned by age twenty-six.

From that moment on he had lived with the certainty that he was alone in the world. It hadn’t frightened him or worried him. He’d simply embraced his solitude and lived his life for his work.

Never once had he met a woman for whom he wanted to change that life.

Until Anna had left him. Because she loved him and was tired of not being loved back. Anna wasn’t prone to dramatics or tears, yet she’d cried when he asked her to come home.

Home.

The word should have registered with him. He knew what it meant to her. Knew what she sacrificed each pay period to put money aside so that she could finally have her own house someday. A house she declared would be the best home she could imagine, because it would be hers.

Those tears showed him how very serious she was about her feelings. She deserved to know how serious he was about making something work between them, as well.

He knew he wanted her in his life. She was probably his closest friend. The first one he’d really allowed himself to have when he returned to the states. Because of her he’d found himself becoming closer to the other people he worked with like Greg Chalmers, a man still struggling to overcome his own demons, who Ben found himself want to help. And Madeleine Kane, who had needed a kick on the bottom to jump start her life again. Would he have made those more personal connections without Anna having been there first? Doubtful.

“Loving your parents isn’t the same thing as loving a woman,” he said.

“No, it’s not. But don’t say you don’t know how to love someone.” Anna reached across the small table and laid her hand on top of his. “You’re not as coldhearted as you want to believe. You would have to choose it, Ben. Decide what path you wanted to take in life.”

He laughed without humor. “Choose my path? Sort of an ironic thing to say to a man who has had little choice for the past year. You want to talk about dropping bombshells, forget that I wasn’t sure if I was going to live or die, I broke a long-held, self-imposed rule and had sex with with an employee. Then my long-time employee and very close friend suddenly left me at a time when I desperately needed her. In the span of weeks I realized two things—I was going to live and I was sterile. I would never have my own children, which I didn’t even think I wanted, until...wait! You come back into my life to tell me you’re pregnant with my child and that you have, in fact, loved me for a very long time. However, immediately on the heels of that declaration you tell me there can be nothing between us. Those are some pretty big surprises, wouldn’t you say?”

She had the decency to blush. He hoped guilt motivated it. “I’m sorry. I guess, I was only thinking about...well, me. Yuck.”

He turned his hand under hers so that their fingers meshed and he squeezed it in shared commiseration. “You had a pretty rough few months, too.”

She nodded and he could see her eyes watering. This new pregnant Anna, he was coming to realize, was a crier.

“I was so afraid you were going to die,” she sobbed. “When the first round of chemo didn’t work, I didn’t know what to think. I couldn’t believe it could actually happen, that you might not live. I wouldn’t believe it. So all I could think about was the next step, the next round of treatment.

“Then one night, out of the blue, you’re sitting there with this massive erection and all of a sudden we’re doing it when I’ve wanted to do it with you for years. Then you don’t talk to me for days. Nothing about your health, certainly nothing about that night. Suddenly, you get this call and, oh, by the way, you’re doing this risky procedure that might kill you even faster. And about that night...it just sort of happened and you’re really sorry it did.” She paused. “I had to leave. Don’t you see? You left me no choice.

“Except four weeks later I’m peeing on a stick and, wow, I’m going to be a mother. I had to tell you about it. Then finally, finally after six years of holding it inside I spill my guts all over the place and tell you I love you. You say it’s not over and walk out and I’m, like, what the hell does that mean? And today, after twenty-two years of not caring I finally decided to find my parents. So, yeah, I’m right there with you.”

He stood and moved around the table to pull her into his arms. Hugging her like he hadn’t hugged anyone in a very long time.

She sobbed on his neck and he could feel the dampness seep through the short-sleeved polo.

“You did say massive erection. I heard that correctly, didn’t I?”

She laughed and hiccupped and then hit him on the shoulder. All the things he wanted to accomplish with that statement.

“I’m sorry I didn’t consider things from your perspective,” she said as she used the back of her hand to wipe away her tears. “I can’t say I’m sorry I left you. Because I really felt I had to go, but I’m sorry for all the other stuff you went through alone.”

“Okay. That’s fair.”

“Ben.” She looked at him intently. “I don’t think I can do it. I mean, have sex with you. The first time it was too much. Too big. Leaving you was the hardest thing I ever did. I felt broken for weeks after and it took all my strength to get back to this place where I am. I’m not ready to go down that road...yet.”

And there it was: that small window of opportunity. Ben was suddenly in love with the word yet.

“I get it,” he said, stopping her from saying anything else, before she could think too much about it. He didn’t want to screw this up. He cupped her face in his hands. Her precious face that he’d missed so much. He ran his thumb over her cheekbone, then her lower lip.

Yes, he wanted her. But not now. Not after all this stuff that had been spewed about the room. Ben could feel how the emotions cluttered up the air. On both sides. But there was one thing he had to set straight. He wasn’t leaving her without her knowing what their future would look like.

“I said that I don’t know if I love you. But I do want you. Desperately. Like you said...maybe love is a choice. Well, then let me try.”

She shook her head, her cheek brushing against his palm. She was so damn soft. “Ben, you can’t force yourself to love someone. That’s not what I meant when I said you had a choice.”

“I know what you meant. You meant I have to believe it can exist before I’ll believe I can experience it. Fine. Then show me.”

“What do you mean?”

“We can date. Like any other couple. I want to take you out and get to know you not as a friend or an employee but as something else. I want to take you to dinners and movies and buy you flowers. Hope maybe I can impress you enough so you’ll let me and my massive erection back into your bed.”

She rolled her eyes. “I can’t believe I used the word massive. You’re never going to let me live that down are you?”

“Unlikely.”

“So we date.” She paused as if considering the idea. “With maybe the potential for sex. What if it doesn’t work out?”

He shrugged. “What if it doesn’t? You were ready to have a relationship based only on our shared parenting of the kid. If we date and it doesn’t work out, we’ll still have that.”

Her eyes narrowed a little. “You made me think you weren’t happy with that arrangement.”

“I’m not. I want the baby in my life. Full time. Not part time. But I guess that’s punishment for every man who doesn’t have the good sense to marry the woman first before making a baby with her. I don’t get my way in this.”

He watched her taking in his words, and knew that she was satisfied with them. He wasn’t lying. He knew he had very little control in what the final arrangement between them was going to be.

“Okay. We can date.”

“Excellent. Before I leave give me a taste. Just a taste, so I can remember...”

He didn’t finish his thought. Simply lowered his head and felt for her lips. They were exactly like he remembered. At first touch they were plump and delicious, giving him a little resistance as they pushed against his own lips. That should have been enough, but when he heard the slight gasp in her throat he wanted more. His mouth opened and he pushed his tongue inside feeling the moist heat of her mouth, remembering all too well how her wonderful mouth had surrounded the head of his cock.

Holding her face in his hands, he thrust his tongue steadily against hers, hopefully reminding her of that night, too. How they had moved together so easily, so naturally.

Then he felt pressure against his chest and he knew that he was taking her too far too fast. She wasn’t ready for sex. He could respect that, he would honor that. But he damn well wanted her to know that, in terms of desire for her, he had no equal.

Slowly he lifted his head and watched with satisfaction as she struggled to blink her eyes open.

“Delicious. Just like I remembered.”

“You should go,” she whispered. “I can’t...think when you do that.”

Which was the point but he didn’t want to press things. He had made good progress. She’d let him back inside her apartment. She let him back inside her mouth. It was only a matter of time before he was ultimately back where he really wanted to be.

Between her legs and in her heart.

“Good night. I’ll call you.”

Ben left with a reminder to lock the door behind him and had this crazy urge to jog down the hallway to the elevators. For the first time in these past few crazy days with Anna he had a sense that things weren’t truly over. That he could fix them.

Like any other mission he took on he simply had to focus on his goal, set a plan in motion, then make it work.

In this case he needed to make this relationship work. Okay, so she wanted to be loved back. It seemed like a reasonable request and he hadn’t lied to her when he said he would try. Unfortunately, he knew himself too well. Love was something poetic and pretty. He wasn’t a man inclined to either. But regardless of whatever he came to feel for Anna, she would never think for one second it wasn’t love. He could convince her every day that she was the center of his world, and she would never have to know how he labeled his emotions.

She would be his and with her came his child.

Yes, this courtship was just another mission for him.

And when he was on a mission he did not fail.

* * *

MARK WATCHED Anna walk across the lobby of their office building, heading toward where he was sitting at the coffee shop, but not really seeing him. Her mind was occupied and he didn’t have to stretch to figure out who was filling up her thoughts.

He wished Ben could see her like this. See her and know what it was like to have a woman who was walking alone in a crowded atrium and thinking of nothing but him. Once again Mark found himself jealous of Ben.

“Anna!”

At his shout she raised her head and searched the small café. She waved and came over, taking the open seat at the small table. Mark was meeting someone here shortly and he wanted to make sure he had an extra seat available.

“Sit here and save my table,” he said. “I’ll get you some tea.”

She didn’t protest having been spared waiting in line. He knew she could tire easily and after walking from the parking lot all the way through the lobby her ankles were probably already a little swollen.

Mark took the tea from the man behind the counter and handed him five bucks so the next time he saw him he would have Mark’s order ready. Then he sat with Anna and watched her put three creamers into her tea. He hadn’t started the search for her biological parents yet, but he wondered if one of them might have been of English descent.

“Oh, before I forget.” Anna reached into her purse and pulled out a folded slip of paper.

Mark looked at the slip of paper with its embossed stamp and read the names he knew were fake.

“I know,” she said. “Makes you realize how easy we make it for terrorists. Hey, here are some names and baby footprints. Instant American citizen.”

“Stuff like this used to keep me up at night.”

“It doesn’t anymore?”

The question startled Mark because the first answer that came to mind was, no, it didn’t. On the heels of that thought he realized it wasn’t exactly true. He still read every piece of information he could find regarding the continuing mission in Afghanistan. He still cared what happened to the operatives and the soldiers he’d left behind.

But his first thought getting up every day was no longer about how he was going to beat the enemy. Instead, he thought about the cases he was working on, growing his business and what was his number-one priority right now.

Ben had been right. It had taken time, but he was definitely starting to make the transition from agent to civilian.

“Sometimes,” he finally answered. It was accurate enough. “I need to wrap up some other things, but then I’ll get started on this. Should be interesting.”

“Thanks.” She sighed.

“So what’s up with you?”

Her brows raised in a question.

“You were walking through the lobby like a zombie. Clearly something is up.”

She gave a wry expression. “I should have known better than to take up with another spy. You guys see everything. Ben wants to date me.”

“I thought he wanted to marry you.”

“He wants that, too, but he’s willing to start with dating. I—I told him how I felt about him.”

“Good girl.” Mark always believed in honesty between two people. Whether it ended happily or badly, it should at least be real. Helen had understood that.

“Yeah, well, I don’t know how good it is. He said he didn’t know how he felt about me but that he wanted us to get to know each other as something other than employer and employee. Something beyond friendship.”

“Seems reasonable.” And logical. A lot like Ben. By not pressing too hard, it appeared as if he was giving Anna options. She could easily say no to an offer of marriage. Harder to reject something as simple as a date.

Anna held the cup in her hands and looked away from him. “What if...”

“What?”

“What if this is only about him getting the baby? I mean, seriously, how desperate would a man be if he knew his one and only shot at fatherhood could walk away from him at any time and take his child with her? Not that I would do that, but he would know he has no control in this. I’m sure it drives him crazy.”

Mark shook his head. “He’s not that ruthless. I promise. If he said he wanted to give you a chance to date, that’s what he meant. Trust me. We weren’t pals, but we knew each other. Well.”

She smiled then, and it made him feel good. “You really think so?”

“I do. Now, I need to meet someone down here. Why don’t you go up and open the office.”

“You got it, boss man.”

Mark watched her leave and felt a twinge of guilt for lying. But it wasn’t like they had to be honest in their relationship, after all. Besides, he’d made her smile.

The hard truth was Ben was exactly that ruthless. If he decided he wanted the baby full time, he would take the most logical path toward achieving those ends. He wasn’t a master manipulator without reason. Mark was sure Ben was confident he could make Anna believe whatever he wanted. The question was would Anna realize before it was too late that she was being played.

Mark considered talking to Ben again. Maybe more of a man-to-man than a man-to-adversary discussion. Mark had known Anna only a few weeks, but he liked her and the thought of letting her get hurt...again...didn’t sit well with him. It was like watching a kitten trying to hold her own against a lion.

If he told Ben that Anna deserved better, would he listen? Mark could imagine how that conversation would go over. But the truth was if Ben didn’t love her, he wouldn’t be able to make her happy. No matter how good a job he did at making himself believe it was love.

No one knew that better than Mark. Certainly not after Helen. It wasn’t fair to try to hold on to one thing at the expense of another. Mark cared about Anna enough to not want to see that happen to her.

Of course, there was his own life he should be concentrating on. But when had that ever stopped him? He was a meddler by nature.

“Mark?”

Mark jerked out of his thoughts, surprised he’d lost track of the people surrounding him. Maybe he was making that magical transition to civilian life faster than he realized. He stood and turned to the approaching man he’d been waiting for. Mark offered his hand but the man paused for a second then, as if reluctantly, he gave it a quick shake.

“Hi, Dom. It’s been a long time.”

“Thirteen years to be precise.” Dom pointed to the empty chair and Mark nodded as if to suggest he’d held it for him. Mark watched as the old man planted his hands heavily on the table and shuffled his legs slowly until he could sink onto to the chair.

“How are you?” Mark asked, also sitting.

“I’m old,” Dom said, stating the obvious. “It’s just arthritis if that’s what you’re asking. I don’t have Parkinson’s or anything else. I move slowly most days. Some days not at all. It’s not the worst thing an old man can deal with.”

“No, I don’t imagine it is. And Marie? How is she?”

“She’s old, too. She pretends...well, it’s why she wouldn’t come here today. She still wants to pretend. Pretend Helen didn’t die in that car wreck. Pretend her lungs aren’t making it impossible to breathe, especially on such humid days. Pretend she can keep up with Sophie.”

At the mention of his daughter’s name, Mark’s heart pinched. Sophie. For more than thirteen years she’d been only a name at the bottom of a card or email, the unknown recipient of a gift. A fuzzy face over the internet more recently. Now, she was about to become startling real and he wasn’t sure if he could handle it.

“Dom, you have to know how sorry I was to hear about Helen. I moved heaven and earth to get back for the funeral in time, but the damn transport plane I caught got rerouted to the Philippines and—”

Dom held up his hand. An imperious command for Mark to stop talking. Mark figured he deserved it. After all, excuses were exactly that. He hadn’t been there to help grieve with his daughter’s grandparents. Worse, he hadn’t been there for his daughter.

No, what was worse was that he was sitting in a café and wondering if the smartest thing he might ever do would be to start running and not look back. Yet his ass remained planted in the seat.

This is the part where you leave the life you thought you wanted all behind and start doing the right thing.

“I want to see her, Dom.”

The old man nodded. “You want more than that, I think.”

“Look, I know I have been the model of the absentee father, but it’s not like I abandoned her. I’ve stayed in communication at least once a month unless I had to go underground for some reason. And being back here isn’t all because of Helen. I started thinking that it was time for a change, time for me to be in the states and be a bigger part of her life. When I learned about Helen, I knew it wasn’t a choice anymore. I quit my job and came to where you are. I’ve started my own business. I’ve got plenty of money to support the two of us and the truth is I’m—”

Mark didn’t want to upset the man with the rest of what he’d intended to say. But it was unnecessary.

“You’re younger.” Dom sighed.

“Before Helen’s death she was touring in every city around the country. There was also talk of another European trip. Helen could keep up with that. Can you and Marie?”

Because Sophie wasn’t any average teenage girl. Sophie had the gift of music. As a child prodigy, she performed with many different orchestras showcasing her talent to audiences all over the country. Apparently his daughter was in high demand. She hadn’t played any concerts since her mother’s passing, but eventually that would change and she would be back on the road.

Mark tried to imagine Dom in his condition keeping up with such a robust schedule. He couldn’t.

The man closed his eyes and when he opened them Mark pretended not to see they were red. “She just lost her mother six months ago. We’re all she has left. She doesn’t even know you other than as the man who got her mother pregnant.”

Mark tightened his jaw. He wasn’t about to tell Helen’s father how it really went down between them. It was Helen’s secret and he would honor it even in death. But he did remind his daughter’s grandfather of one very important fact. “I offered to marry her. I gave her my ring. She was the one who broke the engagement.”

“Yes, she did.”

“I’ve been patient. You said to give Sophie time to adjust before rushing into her life. I’ve sat on my hands for six months waiting. You can’t tell me that Sophie isn’t ready. She knows I’m in the area. Hell, she’s probably wondering why I haven’t come to see her.”

“We believe she should meet with you, yes. Marie and I have discussed that. But to live with you full time...I don’t know if that will work.”

He was holding something back. Mark could see it in his face. It was hurting Dom, which was why his eyes were still red. They were both biding time, hoping that something would change, but Mark didn’t know what that something was. He only knew he wanted his daughter in his life. Neither Dom nor Marie could continue to convince themselves they could raise her on their own for much longer. Time was their enemy.

“Dom, her schedule is going to pick up again—”

“I know what her damn schedule is! Don’t you think I know? Her agent is constantly pressuring us on this. We asked for this break to give her time to grieve, but now everyone has decided that six months is a perfectly satisfactory time for a fourteen-year-old girl to get over the death of her mother!”

Mark leaned back in his chair letting Dom have his say.

“We hoped maybe she would adjust to a more normal routine. School, friends. But she’s...she’s not like other kids her age. Certainly not like Helen at that age. All Helen used to think of was her hair and boys. All Sophie can think of is...more.”

Then she’s like me at that age.

“Dom, I think you agreed to meet me here because you know what I told you over the phone is right. You and Marie are her grandparents. I will make sure you remain a steady and important part of her life. But she’s my daughter, my responsibility and she should be with me now.”

The man didn’t have to know how terrified Mark was about the idea of being a father. He was hoping it sort of came to him. Like some magic wand would be waved as soon as they were together and bam, he would be insta-father.

“And like I told you, Marie and I are still considering it.”

“That’s fair. We don’t have to make any major changes right now,” Mark agreed. “But I’m done waiting to see her. She should at least know I’m here. That I want her in my life. You can’t hide her from me forever.”

“Is that what you think? That we’ve been hiding her from you?”

“Every time I ask to see her or schedule time with all of you, you come up with one excuse after another. What was I supposed to think?”

Dom shook his head. “Son, you’ve got it all wrong. It’s not us keeping you from her. It’s her. We didn’t know quite how to tell you, but I’ll just come right out with it. Sophie wants nothing to do with you.”

That was when Mark felt his heart break for the first time in his life.