A Real Disaster

Chapter Seventeen



I love you. Those three words were the worst three words that left my mouth. They ruined the one good thing that was happening and there was nothing I could do to fix it. I stared at my phone, willing it to ring, but it stayed silent. I hadn’t heard from Nash since the incident and I was unravelling at the seams.

My history text book was opened up in front of me, the pages parted to the American Revolution, but the words were blurring in front of my eyes. What time was it, three in the morning? Four? Sabrina was snoring softly across the room and I didn’t bother to look at the clock. It wasn’t going to change anything.

Waiting for Nash to call had made me an insomniac for the past few days. I couldn’t sleep, I barely ate. All I could think about was him and the look of pure horror after I let the words slip.

Slipping off my bed, I left the dormitory and went outside to the dark night. Crickets chirped and somewhere in the tree an owl hooted. Impulsively, I opened the phone and dialed Nash’s number. It didn’t matter how late it was. It was a Friday night; there was no way Nash was asleep. He had a gig that I was supposed to go to before he stopped talking to me, and it wasn’t ending until after midnight. By now he was probably just getting back to his house.

The phone rang once, twice, and on the third ring he finally picked up. I could hear a crowd in the background.

“Hello?” he said into the phone.

His voice was loud and I winced at the volume.

“Hey Nash,” I said.

I didn’t speak as loudly as he did because I didn’t want my voice to carry through the dead of night. I didn’t need campus security to hear me and come investigate what was going on.

“Hello?” he said again, obviously not hearing me.

“Nash, it’s Lily,” I said, this time louder.

“Lily? Hey what’s up?”

If he was upset to hear from me I couldn’t tell. He sounded happy and alive; as if he didn’t have a care in the world.

“What’s going on? It’s four in the morning, shouldn’t you be sleeping?”

It was like the whole incident didn’t happen. Nash spoke to me the same way he always did. There was no awkwardness, no silence. Yet, he never called me.

“I… I missed you,” I said, deciding to tell the truth. “I wanted to see how your set was. Did you do a good job?”

“The crowd seemed to like it. They asked for three encores. Can you f*cking believe it? Three!”


“That’s great! I wish I was there to see it!”

We both knew why I didn’t go; I didn’t feel comfortable going to see him not knowing whether he was mad at me or not. Especially since he hadn’t talked to me since the beach incident.

Okay, he was mad at me.

“So… Do you want to come over tomorrow? I can make breakfast in the common area or something?”

“No,” Nash said and my heart dropped to my stomach. “Don’t worry about making me breakfast. How about I pick you up and we go to breakfast together. I think we need to talk.”

The dreaded four words. If guys thought it was hard hearing those words from a girl, it was even harder being the girl hearing it from a guy. I could just imagine all the things he wanted to say to me. First it would be a breakup, like I was expecting. I freaked him out.

“Sure,” I said, trying to keep my voice light. “See you around eleven?”

It wasn’t exactly breakfast time but I had a feeling that Nash would want to sleep as late as possible.

“No,” he said again. “I’ll see you at eight. Sweet dreams Lily.”

He cut off the call before I could say anything back. With a knot of dread forming in my stomach, I headed back to my dorm room to wait in agonizing silence until I saw Nash.



* * *



“Morning sexy,” someone said softly in my ear.

I opened my eyes to see Nash standing over me, dark circles under his eyes and a sleepy smile on his face.

“Good morning,” I mumbled.

I yawned and stretched, cracking my back.

“What time is it?”

“Eight forty-five. I wanted to let you sleep a little longer.”

“Thanks,” I said, confused.

I didn’t remember falling asleep and yet there I was, waking up to Nash’s soft voice. Staring at Nash, I tried to figure out if he was happy to see me. Was this an act for Sabrina or was the smile genuine? I didn’t tell Sabrina about my mishap but Nash didn’t know that. He probably didn’t want to look like a bad guy in front of her so he acted happy to see me.

“Give me five minutes and I’ll be ready.”

“I’ll wait outside for you, okay?” Nash asked.

“Sure.”

To my surprise, Nash bent down and kissed me on the lips before disappearing out of the dorm room. Not wasting any time, I found the cleanest clothes I could from the floor and ran across the hallway into the bathroom. Taking a stall, I changed out of my pajamas and into the clothes, then went to an empty sink to brush my teeth. Running back across the hall, I threw my dirty clothes onto my bed and then, on impulse, threw on a little eyeliner and lip gloss. If I was going to be broken up with, at least I would look good in the process.

At the fifth minute I was back downstairs and out the door, standing next to Nash. He was staring across the quad, watching kids throwing a Frisbee to each other.

“That was quick,” he commented.

“I told you that it was only going to be five minutes,” I pointed out. “I’m a girl of my word.”

Nash opened his mouth to say something but I put my hand up.

“Listen, before we go and before we have our little ‘talk’ I wanted to say something.”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for saying… Well you know. I didn’t mean it. Well, I mean I didn’t mean to say it. The words I meant but I should have kept them to myself. But I understand if that makes you uncomfortable and you want to break up.”

I was definitely rambling.

“You thought I wanted to break up with you?”

I nodded.

“What else was I supposed to think? Whenever someone says ‘we have to talk’ it’s usually a break up. Why would I think that this was any different?”

“Because I’m not the type of guy to run away when a girl admits her feelings,” he said.

But he kind of did at the beach.

“I’ll admit that I can’t say those words right now, but that doesn’t mean that I may not say them in the future. I was surprised, that’s all, and I didn’t know how to process it. I’m flattered, I am, and I care a lot about you.”

“You do?”

I felt a glimmer of hope at the edge of my fragile heart.

“Of course I do. You’re a great f*cking girl Lily and I like you a lot. My mother died a year and a half ago and she was the last person to say I love you to me.”

“I’m sorry Nash.”

“It’s okay. I usually hide everything because it helps the days go by easier. I’m sorry I acted that way. I’m good at f*cking things up.”

“No, it’s me. I get a little crazy. I told you before… I’m not used to any of this.”

“I guess that makes two of us,” Nash joked. “Why don’t you and I take it easy. Let’s go to breakfast and then we’ll figure out the rest. One day at a time, you know?”

It wasn’t exactly what I wanted but it was a better idea then breaking up.

“Sure, one day at a time.”

I grabbed his hand and let him lead me to his car.

The two of us drove down the highway, Nash humming while I looked out the window at the passing scenery. My eyes were still heavy and I couldn’t imagine how Nash was feeling. How was he still awake?

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said. “Why?”

I shrugged.

“Just asking, I know you were up late last night and I’m sure that you’re tired. I can drive if you want.”

Nash laughed.

“Do you know how to drive shift?”

I shook my head.

“Well then I think I’m our best bet.”

“But I can learn.”

“It will take more than a few minutes to teach you how to drive. Why don’t we put that off for another day?”

I rolled my eyes.

“Oh don’t give me that ‘I’m so offended’ look. I’m not being mean and I don’t hate you.”

I smiled out the side of my mouth while Nash pulled into a parking lot and grabbed the first spot he saw.

“Where are we?”

“A small diner about three miles off campus. Most people don’t know about this place which makes it great because it’s not crowded. You can get a seat almost immediately.”

“Have you been here before?”

Nash nodded and I bit my lower lip.

“Have you been here with… Other girls?”

He paused and looked me straight in the eye.

“One,” he admitted. “My sister. It was when we were younger, right after her prom. She had just broken up with her boyfriend for trying to force himself on her.”

Sister? She went through something similar to me.

“Oh my god Nash.”

“My mother had already died so I was all she had since she didn’t want to tell our dad.”

I was about to say something but he stopped me with a kiss on my lips.

“Let’s go inside.”

We both got out of the car. Nash held the door open for me and I stepped through right to the podium. Like he said they do, the waitress seated us immediately and handed us menus. She took our drink order and sashayed away. Once she was gone, Nash continued.

“I picked her up from her after prom party and we came here, I think it was five in the morning. She had her dress on and I came directly from the after party of my gig.”

“Oh,” I said.

I looked at the menu, pretending to be really intrigued at the options, when in reality my mind was going off in all different directions. I was upset. I didn’t like to hear that anyone had to go through that.


“Is something wrong?”

“No,” I lied.

How was I supposed to tell Nash what was going on in my head? How do I explain to him how I went through something similar.

“I need coffee is all.”

“Well, good thing that the waitress is bringing us two huge cups of it. Do you want to split something or have something yourself?”

“Either is fine. Want to get a stack of pancakes and split that?”

“Sure.”



* * *



“Thanks for breakfast,” I said as Nash brought me to my dorm room door. “I would invite you in but honestly I wouldn’t be any fun. I need sleep… Lots of sleep.”

“Me too.”

Especially since my test was that afternoon.

“Maybe we can meet up in a couple nights for something? I have another show… Want to come?”

My heart was pumping and butterflies were in my stomach. It was the first time that Nash actually invited me to one of his shows. The other time I just told him I was going.

“If you really want me to.”

“Hell yeah. How else am I supposed to show off my hot girlfriend?”

Hot?

Girlfriend?

I resisted the urge to jump up and clap my hands.

“Well then I guess I need to come.”

I tried to keep my voice calm, my words sounding nonchalant. Nash was smirking, almost expecting me to overreact.

Nash pulled me close, nuzzling my neck.