A Real Disaster

Chapter Sixteen



Clouds rolled in the sky, hovering over the college and threatening to open up. I hovered near the window, a blanket wrapped around my body, and watched as the clouds grumbled. Lightning flashed and I jumped, moving away from the window. I turned to watch Sabrina as she painted her nails. She blew on the fingers she just painted, her eyes never leaving my face.

“What’s going on?” she asked, climbing on top of my thin mattress.

I rested my head against the wall and yawned.

“Nothing, this weather just sucks.”

“Aw are you missing your little boyfriend?” she teased. “You didn’t get enough kisses or hugs before he left you?”

“Oh shut up. You’re just jealous because Nash is my boyfriend and not yours.”

Sabrina snorted.

“As if I want to deal with his baggage again.”


Again? Did she just say again? Sabrina went back to her nails but I couldn’t stop staring at her. What did she mean by again?

Did Sabrina date Nash? It seemed like she did…

“Sabrina,” I said, my voice sounding louder then I meant in the small room.

She jumped, painting her toe instead of the nail.

“What?” she said.

She glared at me as she tried to wipe the nail polish off the toe without smudging the nail.

“Do you mind not having a spastic moment? Now what are you squawking about?”

“Did you and Nash…” I bit my lip.

This was harder than I ever imagined.

“I mean… Were you and Nash…”

Sabrina through her head back and laughed.

“Are you asking me if I was Nash’s girlfriend?”

“Yeah, basically. You seem to know him really well and you said you didn’t want to deal with his baggage again. That kind of indicates…”

“I was never his girlfriend,” Sabrina said.

I almost smiled when Sabrina opened her mouth again and froze me to my spot.

“I made out with him is it.”

My heart stopped. .

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because it doesn’t matter. It was at the beginning the school year.”

“But you didn’t tell me,” I repeated.

And neither did Nash.

Sabrina shrugged.

“I guess it just… Slipped my mind I guess.”

I wasn’t sure but it looked like Sabrina had a smile on her face as she finished up her toes.

“I have to go,” I muttered.

Throwing off the blanket, I grabbed a jacket and left the dorm room. I didn’t remember getting in the car or driving to Nash’s house. All I remembered was when I got to the front of the door. I banged against the wood, open palm. The rain splashed down on me, soaking my clothes and my hair.

I had to live up to Sabrina now.

“I know you’re in there, Nash,” I muttered. “Your car is in the drive way. You have to be home.”

I banged on the door again, my hand stinging with the contact.

“NASH!” I screamed. “NASH, OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!”

Finally the door opened and Nash stood on the other side of the door in his boxers and for the first time I saw his muscular tattooed cover body in the light.

“What’s going on, Lily?” Nash said.

He rubbed one sleepy eye and then the other. It was only then that I realized he wasn’t at his gig.

“What happened to your gig?” I asked, momentarily thrown off the reason I went to his house.

“It got rained out,” he muttered. “What’s going on?”

“Did you sleep with Sabrina?”

“What? What are you talking about?” he asked.

“Sabrina. She said that she slept with you in the past. Is that true?” Nash’s brows furrowed and he frowned. “Nash!”

“Why did she tell you that she slept with me?” he asked, not answering the question.

“I asked you if you did. Did you sleep with her?”

“We made out,” he admitted. “Once. It was a drunken night after a party.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Nash shrugged and grabbed my hand.

“Why wouldn’t you tell me something like this?”

“Because it didn’t mean anything. I barely remember it, I was so drunk. And honestly, I forgot that it happened until you just mentioned it.”

I pouted, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

“Seriously, Lily. It meant absolutely nothing. It’s not like we had sex. This isn’t a big f*cking deal.”

I knew he had kissed other girls. I knew he had sex with other girls. However, Nash kissing Sabrina was the worst of all. I didn’t want to be getting her sloppy seconds.

“You could have told me. I felt like a fool when she told me.”

Nash pulled me close to him, getting me out of the rain.

“I’m sorry. Maybe I should have told you. But Lily… Are you really going to keep getting mad at me for my past? You know I’ve been with other girls. Is this going to continue to be a problem?”

I knew that the right answer, the only answer, was no. I wasn’t going to keep getting mad at him because of his past. But I couldn’t tell him something that I wasn’t sure of. Nash was my first real boyfriend and the only person I’ve had any experience with. Unless you count Turner. I didn’t like to think that Nash was with anyone else, or loved anyone else. I would admit it; I was jealous.

“I’m not mad at you. You have to give me some kind of leniency though. I’m all new at this dating thing.”

“I know and so am I. Now what do you say we get you out of these wet clothes?”

The gleam in his eye told me that he had more planned than just getting me warm.

All I did was smile and let him lead me into the house and down to his room.



* * *



“Come on I want to show you something,” Nash said.

I was sprawled out on his couch, in his sweats, watching a re-run of The Nanny. I cocked my head to the side, staring at him.

“But I’m comfortable Nash,” I complained.

The rain stopped overnight and the sun was peeking up through the trees. It was cold out but at least there was no more rain.

“And I’m warm. Do we have to go out?”

Nash laughed as he tugged me to my feet.

“I want to take you somewhere and show you something. Are you really going to argue with me?”

With a sigh I shook my head.

“Fine, I’ll go with you…” I said, kissing him.



* * *



I buckled in the car as he started the engine. Soon we were off, driving down the stretch of road. The road was empty and the air was cold against my cheeks. I let my arm hang out the window and smiled at the sunrise in front of us. Just me, Nash, and the sunrise; the perfect morning. Suddenly, Nash made a left, pushing me into the car door. I held on as the tires climbed over the rocky road.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“You’ll see,” he promised. “Do you trust me?”

I was in the car with him, alone. It was the type of question that the answer didn’t actually matter. For the first time I wasn’t the littlest scared about being alone with a guy because of my past.

“Yeah, I trust you,” I said. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t like to know what’s going on.”

“You’ll see.”

Nash made another turn and drove down what looked like a deserted road before stopping and turning the car off.

“You told me that seeing the ocean and letting your toes curl in the sand was one of your biggest dreams. Right?”

“Right,” I said.

“Well, welcome to your dream.”

Nash climbed out of the car and I followed suit. He grabbed my hand and guided me through some trees before coming to an opening. The wind tickled my face, throwing my hair away from my neck. In front of me was nothing but land and ocean. The waves crashed onto land in a rolling motion as the sun rose higher. The beach was deserted, not even a seagull in sight. I slipped off my shoes, followed by my socks, and took a tentative step forward.

The sand was cold but felt like little balls underneath my feet. My feet sunk in and the sand trickled over my toes, rubbing up against each toe. I took another step forward, gasping at the new feeling. It didn’t matter that my hair was blowing in my face or that my feet were becoming numb from the cold.

“Want to go in the ocean?”

I never felt the ocean water against my feet and the thought of moving forward both exhilarated me and scared me. I nodded and reached for Nash but he took a step back.


“Aren’t you coming?” I asked and he shook his head again.

“It’s your dream...”

“But you’re part of it Nash.”

Nash was my whole dream, every single inch of it. The flitting thought grabbed my heart and squeezed.

I loved him.

I was in love with Nash.

Absolutely, one hundred percent in love with him.

I didn’t see it before because I didn’t want to see it. I wanted to make sure I was safe. I didn’t want to give my heart out.

“Come with me,” I urged. “Please?”

“But Lily-”

“I want you to come with me. I want to experience this with you.”

Nash hesitated but finally joined me. Together, hand in hand, we walked down the sand and to the edge of the surf. I waited as the wave broke and water hit my feet. I jumped back but the water got me again. It was like no matter how far away I got from the surf, the water always found my feet. It was…

Amazing.

“Lily?”

“I love you Nash,” I blurted out. “I love you. I’m in love with you.”

I turned to Nash and saw that he was as white as the sand I was standing on.

“Nash?”

“We should go, Lily,” he said. “I don’t want you to be late for class.”

We had just got there and now we were already leaving. He turned on his heel and started back to the car, not even looking back to make sure that I was following him. Confused and defeated, I hung my head and started back behind him. What did I say that was so wrong? Was telling Nash that I loved him the wrong thing to do? Impulsive, sure. I would admit that. But shock ran over me when he didn’t say it back. Maybe he didn’t love me. Maybe…Maybe this was just a fling for him.

When I got to the car and finally climbed in, Nash had his eyes on the road and both hands on the wheel. I looked at him but he didn’t look back. Instead he started the car and we started back to my dorm which told me I did do something wrong since we came from his place.

I really screwed up.

The air in the car was thick with tension. Nash’s hands were so tight on the wheels that his knuckles were white.

“Nash?”

“What’s up Lily? Did you like the beach?”

“Y-Yeah, I… I thought it was great.”

“Well, I wanted you to be able to see it.”

He smiled at me but his smile didn’t reach his eyes. Was he going to mention what I blurted out or was he going to pretend like it didn’t happen? I couldn’t take back the words and I wasn’t even sure that I wanted to. I did love Nash. We had things in common.

But it wasn’t going to mean anything if he didn’t love me back.

“You don’t love me, do you?” I whispered.

Nash slid his eyes over to me for a second.

“What?”

“Love me, Nash, I told you that I loved you back at the beach. I told you that I was in love with you. But you didn’t say anything. It’s because you don’t love me, do you?”

“I didn’t say that, Lily.”

“But you didn’t say you loved me back. That kind of explains everything, don’t you think?”

Nash didn’t say another word. He pulled in front of my dorm building and kept his head straight as he stopped the car. It was my cue to leave but I hesitated hoping that Nash would say one last thing. He didn’t. Blinking back tears, I climbed out of the car and walked toward the building. By the time I turned back Nash and his car was gone.

Tears brimmed in my eyes and I knew I couldn’t go back inside the way I looked. So, tightening my jacket around me, I turned the opposite away Nash went and started to walk, hoping the cold air would clear my mind and relax my taut nerves.



* * *



When I got back to the dorm room, Sabrina was there reading a book. Elizabeth was next to her, using Sabrina’s laptop. I slammed the door and plopped down on the bed. Sabrina looked up.

“I’m sorry, Lily. I should have never said anything about Nash. Or I should have at least explained that it was nothing. I didn’t mean it to come out that way.”

“It’s okay… I overreacted anyway.”

“I would have done the same thing.”

Thankfully someone would have.



The next few days it was sunny out, the air was still cold and I pulled the blanket over me, curling myself up underneath it. I wasn’t tired but I was drained. All I wanted to do was stay in bed and not come out until next spring when the school year was over and I could go back home.

I still hadn’t heard from Nash. Opening my stupid mouth was such a bad idea. I should have kept it in and let Nash say it first. Maybe I made him feel trapped in a corner. I desperately wanted to text Nash and apologize for what I said. I wanted to take it back and pretend it didn’t happen. But even if I apologized I knew that it wouldn’t change anything. The words were already out there; I couldn’t take them back. I would just have to wait and see what would happen. I hoped that I didn’t screw everything up for good. But I had a feeling that I did.