“I think you’re sick,” Salima said as they wandered aimlessly through Zabar’s among the pungent smells, and Simon kept forgetting what he needed. He wanted truffle oil for Blaise’s favorite pizza, if she’d eat it. His cooking for her was an expression of his love too. And it seemed like the least he could do.
When they got back to the apartment, Blaise was home from work, in her office, working on her computer. She had come home early. For once all was peaceful at the network, now that Susie had left, but her personal life was a disaster. She glanced up as Simon walked into the room and set a cup of French vanilla tea down on her desk. She smiled as she thanked him, but the atmosphere between them now was cool, and the look in Blaise’s eyes said “don’t come near me.” A door had already closed, and Blaise was trying hard to lock it and throw away the key. He hadn’t touched her since Eric’s call two days before, and didn’t dare approach her. Once wounded and chilly, Blaise was suddenly intimidating.
“Thank you,” she said formally, as he looked at her with sad eyes.
“I’m sorry, Blaise.” It was all he could think of to say, and he meant it.
“Me too. Don’t worry about it. You’ll feel better when you’re back in Massachusetts.” She didn’t add “with Megan,” but the words were written on her face.
“That’s not a sure thing,” he reminded her. She looked as though for her it was over, but for him it wasn’t. “I just need to answer some questions, and figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life.” The way he said it reminded her again of how young he was. At her age, she had been on a path for years, but he was still looking for the right one. It was a vast difference between them, and also was a reminder to her that sometimes love was not enough.
Simon knew he needed more, he needed a job that inspired him, a career he felt passionate about, and a woman to share it with him. He didn’t want to be Blaise’s boy toy or look like one. His own life had to have substance and meaning, before he could join her. With Megan, he would always be the pathfinder and leader. He knew she didn’t enjoy her work and wanted to stay home with the kids. With Blaise, she would always be the more successful one. In some ways, it didn’t bother him, but if he came back to her, he wanted to do so on solid ground, standing on his own two feet, if she even let him come back, which looking at her now, he strongly doubted. She had put as much distance between them as she could, living in the same apartment, since he had told her about Megan.
“Is something wrong between you and Mom?” Salima asked him that night at dinner. Blaise had skipped dinner again and claimed she had another headache. “Did you have a fight or something?” Simon hesitated and put another slice of pizza on her plate. It was the one he had made for Blaise, with the truffle oil. He had tried to bring it to her in her bedroom, but her door was locked, and she didn’t answer when he knocked. He texted her, and she didn’t respond. The message was clear. She was suffering in private, while trying to appear “fine” to him. She was anything but.
“I’m worried about her,” Simon said to Salima, not wanting to share with her what was going on. He didn’t know what Blaise was going to tell her, how little or how much. But Salima correctly sensed there was something major going on. She hoped it would blow over soon. Simon wasn’t being much fun, nor was her mother, who was isolated in her room, pretending to be busy.
Eric called Simon that night to tell him he had found a relief teacher they’d used several years before. She had just gotten divorced, had no kids, and was willing to step into Simon’s shoes in New York, temporarily at least. She thought it sounded like fun, and was excited to do it. She was three years younger than Simon, but Eric thought she could handle the job, and Simon knew her and could brief her on what she had to do for Salima.
“How soon can she start?” Blaise asked Eric when he called her after speaking to Simon.
“As soon as you like. Tomorrow if you want. She’s all set to go, if you want her. I think she should spend a day with Simon so he can brief her, but she’s familiar with all our procedures, and she’s a bright girl. She’ll catch on fast.”