“You talked to Andrew for four years after it was over,” he reminded her gently. “You still do. You said it was unfinished business. So is this for me. I need to see her, and either cut the cord completely or make it work. I don’t want to wonder about this in five or ten years. I need to know that this is where I want to be, with you. You lead a big life, Blaise. You’re a big person. You have a gigantic career. And if we’re together, we’re going to be in the press. You have Salima. I have to figure out if I’m big enough to take this on, and that I can bring enough to the table. And part of that is knowing if Meg is past history for me, or if there’s something left. I can’t come to you cleanly until I know where I stand with her.”
“That all makes sense,” Blaise said quietly, feeling as though her heart had turned to stone inside her. “I just don’t want to live through that. I’ve been there. It’s not a good situation for me.” And she thought it unlikely that he’d choose a woman fifteen years older instead of one his own age. She was fighting a losing battle, and she knew it. And she’d rather bow out gracefully than wait for him to reject her later. She didn’t feel like she could win against Megan. She was sixteen years younger, and willing to have kids. And he had loved her for three years.
“I’m sorry to do this to you. You don’t deserve it,” he said miserably.
“No, I don’t,” she agreed with him. “And neither do you. You deserve to be with a woman who really loves you. Just make sure she does, before you take on a woman who lied to everyone for three years and has three kids by someone else. That doesn’t sound like a good situation to me.”
“I’ve never been happier in my life than I’ve been with you for the past three months. I wanted it to go on forever.” He looked heartbroken as he said it, and so did she.
“So did I. I was beginning to think it would. I thought we had it all figured out, but I guess we didn’t.” She had already resigned herself to the idea that he was going back to Meg. She was sure he would, and stay there. He had been loyal to Meg for three years before he left, to the point of obsession. How could she compete with that? And their relationship was healthy and sane, despite the age difference, not obsessed. And then she thought of something. “If you’re really leaving, and planning to work it out with Meg, don’t wait until the weekend. Have Eric send someone immediately. I don’t want to drag this out any longer than we have to. If you’re going to break my heart, and that appears to be the plan, make it quick. Don’t linger. It’ll just make it worse for both of us,” and particularly for her. He had someone else waiting for him, she didn’t. And knowing that Megan was back in his life was agony for her.
“Blaise, I told you I need time. I’m not telling you I’m going back to her for sure. I need to see her and be sure of what I want. If I didn’t do that, it wouldn’t be fair to you, or to me.”
“I understand. I’m just not as optimistic as you are. And to be honest, this is humiliating. I don’t want to stand around, while you figure it out, sample the merchandise, and decide who you love better. I have to compete every day at work and fight for my life. I don’t want to do that with you too. If you’re unclear enough to want to check it out with her again, I doubt very much that you’ll be coming back to me. And you probably shouldn’t. She can offer you a much more normal situation, with a house full of kids, hers and your own. That’s pretty hard to resist, particularly at your age. All I can offer you is my very grown-up life and Salima.”
“I love you both, you and Salima.” He looked honest as he said it.
“I’m grateful for everything you did for us for the past three months. It was amazing, particularly for Salima, and for me too,” she said sadly. She had never been as happy in her life. And now she had to pay the piper. She had been a fool to think their ages didn’t make a difference, and she knew it. They did. She was trying to be reasonable, but she was hurt and angry, and sounded bitter.
“I’ll call Eric in the morning,” he said quietly, and stood up to go back to his room. He wanted to spend the night with her, now more than ever, but he sensed that she wouldn’t let him. She didn’t say another word to him and walked back to her suite. And when she got there, she lay on the bed and sobbed. Her worst fears had just come true.
Chapter 13
THE TWO DAYS after Eric’s call telling Simon the school was reopening were a blur for both Simon and Blaise. He continued keeping Salima busy, they were on a museum binge, and had been to three in the past week, while Simon explained both the visual and historical aspects of the shows to her. Salima loved it. And he had taken her to the LightHouse for the Blind too, and two concerts in the evening. But his mind was somewhere else. Several times Salima had to press him to get an answer to a question. His mind kept drifting as he thought of the situation he was in.