My family mattered so much to me. I knew my mom would be okay with it, but my dad was a whole different story. I knew that coming out to him could potentially ruin my relationship with him, but I just couldn’t take it anymore. Hiding who I really was. I don’t think there really is ever a right time for anything. I think it’s just you get to a certain point and you can’t take hiding who you really are anymore. You’re no longer ashamed.
Releasing my face, Patrick leaned back and looked up at me with a smile. I smiled back. Thoughts began to race through my mind. I couldn’t believe just how beautiful Patrick really was. Not only was he a sexy guy, but his soul was so pure and beautiful. He always put others before himself and I knew I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life.
Staring down at him, I wanted to tell him how much I loved him. I think I fell in love with him when we first met and when we had breakfast with his grandparents. I wanted desperately to tell him now, but I wanted to get this over with my parents.
Getting up off the floor, Patrick sat on my lap and wrapped his arms around me. “We’re going to Las Vegas for Iz’s birthday and Sarah and Gabe’s party soon. Did you want to tell them before or after?”
“Before.” Shaking my head, I said, “I’ve waited so long already.” I looked into Patrick’s eyes. “I’m tired of waiting.”
Nodding his head, Patrick kissed me on the forehead. “I’m so proud of you, Derrick. And no matter what happens, I’m going to be there for you.” He gave me a smile.
I could feel tears in my eyes. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to have met him. He really did save me. Closing my eyes, I felt tears falling. Feeling Patrick’s hands begin to wipe away the tears, I opened my eyes and looked at him.
He had this worried look on his face. Sucking in a breath, he ducked his head to look at me and asked, “What’s wrong?”
With a smile appearing on my face, I shook my head and whispered, “Nothing’s wrong, Patrick. They’re happy tears.” I didn’t think this was the right moment to tell him, but there’s never really a right time for anything. You just have to live in the moment. Take every chance and opportunity you get. That’s what Patrick taught me. To live every moment as if it were your last. He told me about how he lost his parents at a young age and the beautiful outlook on life that his mother gave him.
I felt like I was being reborn, in a sense. I was finally being selfish and thinking about myself for once. And what I wanted more than anything was Patrick.
Sucking in a breath, I said, “I love you, Patrick.”
Patrick’s eyes filled with tears. “I love you, Derrick.”
Smiling at one another, Patrick leaned in and kissed me. It was closed mouth at first, but then he opened his mouth and sucked my lower lip into his.
Patrick started to lean away but it was just to get a leg on either side of me. Pushing me back onto the couch, I felt his hardness in his jeans, as I’m sure he could feel mine.
Pulling him as close to me as I possibly could, chest to chest, stomach to stomach, arms wrapped around one another, and legs entwined, I whispered, “Make love to me, Patrick,” and that’s exactly what he did.
***
Standing there at the front door, I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. To say I was nervous would be the biggest understatement. I was… petrified. I just didn’t know how my parents would take me telling them I was gay. I was glad that Patrick and Ashlynn were there to show their support and love for me. I knew I would need it when I told them, especially my dad.
Reluctantly, I rang the doorbell. Within seconds the door was opening and my mom was standing on the other side screaming, “Oh my god, Derrick!” She wrapped her arms around my neck and squeezed.
Laughing, I wrapped my arms around her waist. “Hey, Mom.”
Giving me one more squeeze, Mom let go and pulled back from me to take in Patrick and Ashlynn. Shaking hands with Patrick, she said, “It’s so nice to meet you,” and quickly turned to Ashlynn. She pulled Ash in for a hug. “Derrick has told me so much about you. I’m so glad to finally meet the person who has gotten through my son’s shield.” She released Ash. “We thought he was going to be single for the rest of his life.”
I was excited for Patrick to hear that. He knew I loved him. I knew he loved me, but I just wished that my mom was saying it to Patrick and not Ashlynn.
“Well, come on in, guys. I’ve got some sandwiches and stuff for lunch,” Mom said as she waved us in. Mom closed the front door. “Where are your bags?”
Looking between Ash and Patrick, I turned back to Mom. “Oh, we’re staying at the hotel.”
Lowering her head, Mom said, “Is it because of Dad?”
My dad and I never really got along. He was always pushing me to be “the best.” But what is the best? I try to do the best that I can and be the best that I can be for me, not for anyone else. Just recently I decided to finally be me and I wanted to tell my parents who I was. Letting out a deep breath, I asked, “So you have sandwiches?”
With a small smile, Mom reluctantly nodded her head. “Yeah.” She turned around to walk into the kitchen. “You three must be starving.”