Grabbing for his napkin, Derrick finished the bite of pancake he was chewing. He took a sip of coffee. “Well, I grew up in Rhode Island. I actually got a football scholarship and decided to come here. I’ve played football for as long as I can remember.”
Nodding her head, she asked, “And are you an only child or do you have siblings? What about your parents?”
At that I saw Derrick stiffen. I knew that would be a difficult subject for him, but he plastered a smile on his face. “I’m an only child. I’m actually adopted.”
I didn’t know that.
“Ah, they must be so proud of you.”
“Yeah, I think they are. I’ve done pretty well for myself so far.”
“And how are they with you and everything?”
I knew that was crossing the line so I said, “Gram.”
Looking over at me, she asked, “What?” She turned back at Derrick. “Oh, I’m sorry for prying.”
He shook his head. “No, it’s fine.”
Biting her lower lip, Gram started to talk about something else. It was kind of just noise in the background, because while I listened to the conversation here and there for the rest of breakfast, I kept looking over at Derr. I knew he wasn’t really paying attention to the conversation, either. I could practically see his brain running a mile a minute. I just wondered what he was thinking about. I knew he was struggling internally with something. The only clear thought that came to me was, I want to be there for him. I want to be the person he can lean on through the ugly times.
***
Closing the door behind me, I looked up at Derrick. “Do you want to hang out today?”
Nodding his head, Derr smiled and said, “Yeah. Sure.”
“All right, well, let’s go up to my apartment.”
Walking up to my place, I felt some trepidation in my steps. I wanted Derrick to open up to me but I knew I’d have to tell him about my coming out process. I was fine with that. I unlocked the door and we walked inside. I was glad to get out of the cold, even though we were only in it for about two minutes, if that.
Closing the door behind me, I asked, “Do you want a drink or anything?”
Shaking his head, Derr said, “No, I’m good.” Pausing, he smiled. “Thanks.”
“Yeah, sure.” I gave him a quick smile. Walking into the bathroom, I grabbed some aspirin. The effects of my drinking from last night were just now taking over and I could already tell it was going to be a bad one. I was surprised I hadn’t thrown up yet. Or maybe I had and I just didn’t remember. Grabbing a bottle of Gatorade from the fridge, I downed the pills and half the amount of the bottle.
Sitting down on the couch next to Derrick, I was getting ready to ask him what he wanted to watch on TV when he said, “I haven’t told my family.”
I stayed quiet. I could tell from the little bit that we’ve known each other that this moment right here was a big step for him. So for as long as he would talk? I would listen.
“I know my mom would be okay with it. I know she loves me for me. I know she just wants me to be happy.” He paused. “But—” At that moment I took his hand in mine. I wanted him to tell me what he had to say. I also wanted to give him a little bit of comfort knowing that I was here and I was going to listen to him.
Choking up, he said, “But my dad?” He shook his head. “I just don’t know what’s going to happen between him and I.” Sucking in a breath, Derrick let go of my hand and started to wipe the tears away from his face.
I couldn’t believe the way he was struggling. I didn’t have to go through this with my family. Of course there were people who didn’t accept me. People filled with ignorance. People I didn’t even know, or better yet, didn’t even know me. But my family and friends? They accepted me for who I was. To be honest, I don’t know how parents or siblings or friends could walk away from a person because of who they chose to love.
You can’t choose who you love. If you could, the world would be so much simpler. And for that sole reason, it wouldn’t be beautiful. You love people in spite of their flaws. If you could choose who you fell in love with, then people wouldn’t fall in love with abusers or addicts.
While I’ve never been in love or even remotely close to it, I truly believe everything happens for a reason. You may not understand it at that exact moment in time, but maybe it’s a life lesson. Or just a small lesson. In some way it makes an impact on your life and you’re changed forever.