Love doesn’t have a gender. It’s not a choice. You can’t force yourself to love someone. You simply fall. I think I realized then that I fell in love with Derrick Miles because when you love someone you think about them before yourself. You just want them to be happy. And if it’s with you? Then you feel like the luckiest person in the world. You look out for their well-being first. You just want that twinkle in their eye and that look on their face when they look at you.
I know it sounds crazy. I mean, how can you fall in love with someone after only knowing them for 24 hours? I have no idea, either, but that’s exactly what love is. It’s the impossible. There’s no explanation for it. It’s your feelings and emotions. Love is the only thing that really can conquer it all. It can get you through your messes and mistakes. It can tear you apart. It can open your mind to these great ideas and beautiful choices.
I’m not saying it’s easy. Nothing in life ever is, if it’s worth it. And love is. But when you love someone and you go through those struggles, you realize that those beautiful moments are worth going through the downfalls to get to the beautiful, amazing, sweet, cute uphills of love. While I’ve never experienced it, I do know that that’s what I would do. What people in love would do.
Of course with all of that said, there are different types of love. There’s the mutual respect type of love. There’s the for now love. Then there’s the forever love. The undying highs and lows, good and bad, beautiful and ugly type of love. The love that will get you through anything. Do anything. Be anyone.
I kneeled down in front of Derrick. He was still crying into his hands. I started to tear up. First off, I hate seeing people cry. It just tears me apart. But when it’s someone I’ve connected with? It kills me and I can’t take it.
I wrapped my hands around his wrists and pulled his hands away. Tears were falling freely from his face. His eyes were puffy. His bottom lip was quivering. His nose was running. Yet in spite of all of that, I still found him to be the most beautiful person I had ever seen.
Holding his hands in mine, I sucked in a breath and said, “I’ll be there with you.” I paused a moment. “Well, if you want me there.”
At that moment, Derrick opened his eyes. “I want you there.”
“Okay,” I said, nodding. But what I really wanted to say was, “I’ll be there with you for as long as you’ll have me.”
Chapter 7
Derrick
Breathing heavily, I struggled with the words. “I think it’s time I told my parents.”
Pat grabbed the remote from the coffee table directly in front of us and turned off the television. Really, it was just noise in the background while I worked on homework or Patrick worked on inventory for the bookstore that he and his grandparents owned.
Placing the papers onto the table, Patrick turned to me. “Are you sure about that, Derr?”
Letting out a huff, I nodded. “Yes. I think I am.” I knew there really was never going to be a right time. There never is a right time for anything. I think you kind of just have to go with it.
But it had been three months since Patrick and I started hanging out. We quickly became a couple and we were getting pretty close and very serious. For once in my life, I was really happy with everything. I was finally able to live my life, something I hadn’t done for a really long time. I always felt like I’d been lying to everyone, and I was done hiding myself.
“I’m sure.” I looked at Patrick. “I’m just tired of hiding who I really am. I want everyone to know who I am. I want my parents to meet you, Pat. You mean so much to me and I’m really happy with where I am.” I shrugged. “I know it’ll be hard for them at first, but I can’t hide who I am for the rest of my life. Fuck, I want to start living it.”
I heard Patrick let out a sigh so I turned to him. Grabbing ahold of his hands, I said, “Pat I’m living my life with you, but I want to introduce you to my parents. I want them to get to know you. You mean so much to me, Pat, and I want to share my relationship with my parents. I—”
Within seconds, Patrick was grabbing my head and slamming his lips to mine. I couldn’t believe how rough he was and it excited me. Of course we had done things within the few months we had been dating, but we hadn’t done “the deed” itself. Neither of us were virgins, but I had only had sex with girls. I’d never been with a guy. Patrick was the opposite of me in that sense. He had only been with guys and never girls.
I admired Patrick so much. He knew who he was and what he wanted. He wasn’t ashamed of who he was and couldn’t give a rat’s ass what people thought of him. He was out and proud, and if people didn’t like it or accept it, then they could fuck off. But me? All I thought about was what people would think. Not necessarily strangers walking down the street, but my close friends and family.