Trying Not To Love You

I did not go home right away. I could not; they would be looking for me there. Normally I would have run to Hunter to vent, but not this time. I drove down Atlantic Ave to the parking lot for the beach. I locked up the car, walked down to the ocean and sat down in the sand, trying to process everything that had just happened.

Dominic cheated on me. He got Brittany pregnant. Brittany, his roommate's girlfriend, or at least that was what he had told me. He said he loved me and would never hurt me. Ha! I was stupid for believing him. I knew better. All the signs were there, but I choose to ignore them.

I was hurting, but I think what surprised me the most was the fact that he was stupid enough to get her pregnant. He came here on a full scholarship to play football. He barely had time for me. How would he have time to help raise a baby? Idiot!

He was not my problem anymore. He had made his bed and now he could lay in it.

Just when I thought things were going great with us, this had to happen. I had not seen Brittany since the day I had run out of the dorms, she had been outside crying. I bet she was on her way up to see Dominic. I thought back to that first night when I was with him. SHE had knocked on the door and he had told her that he was busy; I had known then that something was up, but I ignored it.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

I bet he cheated on me with Alexis too, after he told me there was nothing going on with her.

I sat there for a while, throwing myself a pity party. I knew I needed to pull my big girl panties up and face the music. I just hoped I have the strength to keep up my brave face for everyone. Times like this, I wish I were home, in my own room, where I could block out the rest of the world.

When I got back into Mason's car, I lost it. Who did I think I was kidding? I felt tremendously crushed. I had thought things would work out with Dominic in the long run. I had really wanted things to work out between us.

I took a few deep breaths, wiped the tears from my face and drove back to my dorm. Everyone was there; I knew they would be. Hailey had curled up with Mason on her bed. Cooper was sitting on the end of my bed with his head in his hands. Hunter was pacing back and forth.

"I'm fine." That is all I said, all I could say as I tried to hold back the tears. I would let myself cry again, when I was in the shower.

Hunter stopped where he was and looked at me; I nodded my head at him. He was waiting for me to give him permission to comfort me. He came over, wrapped me in his arms and rocked me slightly back and forth, just as he had done all those times before when I needed him.

"You ok?" He whispered in my ear.

"I will be. It'll just take some time to get over the hurt."

I dropped my arms from around him, and I went to sit on my bed next to Cooper. He slung his arm over me, and kissed me on my head.

We all sat there for a little while, no one talking, everybody in their own world. This was not helping me; I needed to do something to keep myself busy.

I needed a shower; I needed to wash this whole night away. I got up from the bed, grabbed my things from my dresser but stopped instantly when I looked in the mirror, and saw Cooper's face. He had a gash by his eyebrow that was bleeding.

He looked at me when I asked, "What happened?"

He shook his head. "Nothing."

His answer did not surprise me. He had been protecting me. I just stood there, staring at him. "Tell me, please." I finally say, breaking the eye contact in the mirror.

"Nothing happened Kenzie." Mason spoke up for the first time since I walked in the door.

I looked over at him. I noticed that he had a tear in his shirt and there was blood on it. "Whose blood is that?"

Hailey untangled herself from Mason, came over to me and wrapped her arms around me. I did not move to hug her back. I was pissed off that she did not try to warn me about what was happening. She may not have known exactly what was going on, but she knew it involved me.

"I'm sorry." She told me, and then let go of me as she walked back over to Mason.

"You could have warned me that something was going down with Dominic, Hails."

"I know and I'm sorry. I was trying to look out for you. You would have gone after them if you knew."

She was right, but still, it hurt.

I walked into the bathroom to take a shower, and I hoped when I was finished, everyone would have left.

I turned the shower on as hot as I could stand it and got in. I stood there, letting the water run over my body. I finally cried all the tears that I had tried so hard to hold inside me. I curled up into the fetal position on the shower floor and stayed that way until the water ran cold. I got up, quickly washed myself, got out of the shower and threw on my sweat pants and hoodie.

When I finally worked up the courage to walk out of the bathroom and face everybody, I was surprised that no one was in the room but Hunter. I did not say anything to him as I walked over to my bed and climbed in. I pulled the hood of my sweatshirt over my head, and snuggled into my pillow. I just wanted to go to sleep and forget today even happened.

Hunter walked over and turned the lights off. I waited to hear the door open but it did not. He pulled my desk chair over to my bed and started to rub my back, trying to comfort me.

The tears came back and slowly fell down my cheeks and onto my pillow. I tried to wipe them away so that Hunter would not know that I was crying again.

I heard Hunter's phone beep with an incoming text. He stopped rubbing my back and pulled his phone out. He cursed under his breath and said, "Dominic is on his way over."

I did not answer him right away. I just sat up. "I need to talk to him." I looked at Hunter. "Alone."

"No." He deadpans.

I did not respond back to him. I was not in the mood for another fight. Maybe it would be good if Hunter stayed here with me. I do not want to be alone with Dominic.

I gathered all of Dominic's stuff that was here, his jersey that I loved to wear every Saturday, and a couple of his t-shirts that I slept in. I walked over to the mirror on my dresser and took off the pictures that had Dominic in them. I took off the ring that he bought me for my birthday. I needed to remove everything that tied me to him.

I heard a knock on the door and then yelling in the hallway that startled me. I thought everyone had left but they had not. They must have been waiting in the lounge, watching TV.

I looked at the door as it opened and Dominic walked in. He had a black eye, split lip and a gash across the bridge of his nose. I felt certain that his nose was also broken. Blood covered his shirt.

"Baby…"

I cut him off. "Don't baby me!" I seethed through my teeth.

"I can expl…"

"No, no you f*cking can't." I cut him off again. "There is nothing to explain. What's done is done Dominic."

"She's lying, Kenz. She can't be pregnant. We used protection every time. It's not possible. Even if she is pregnant, it isn't mine."

I crossed my arms across my chest and looked to the floor. "It doesn't matter if she is or isn't. We are finished. You told me she was your roommate's girlfriend. Now you are telling me that you used protection every time. Was she really your roommate's girlfriend?"

He ignored my question.

"So I guess you're leaving me for this asshat now?" He asked, looking over at Hunter who still sat in the chair next to my bed.

"No, I told you that you could trust me. I kept my promises."

"Give me a break. Just give it time. Your piece of shit brothers can't stop you from doing everything. You'll run to him. It's just a matter of time."

"Watch it Dominic, you can talk all the shit you want to about me, but don't bring my brothers into this. We have had our own f*cked up problems all along." I growled.

He walked over to me and I could see the defeated look in his eyes but I did not look away from him. I stood my ground; he hurt me in the worst way.

He looked down to the ground, then back up to me and then back down to the ground. He reached in his pocket, pulled a little black box out and then dropped to one knee.

Are you kidding me? Please do not let this happen. This cannot be happening.

He looked up at me, a single tear running down his cheek. Hunter cursed behind me. The chair scraped across the floor, the door opened and then slammed shut.

I scrubbed my face with my hands. "Please don't do this." I begged Dominic.

"Baby, I love you. I f*cked up, but that will never happen again. I want to spend the rest of my life with you; I want to take care of you. I want to start a family with you, and grow old with you. You keep me grounded when I am with you; I feel like everything in the world is right. I don't have that feeling when I'm not with you; everything spirals out of control. MacKenzie, will you marry me?"

I started crying, so hard that I could not even make out what the ring looked like. I shook my head no, and I heard him whisper, "Please Kenzie?"

"I can't Dominic. You broke me. You broke us. You don't want to marry me."

I wiped my cheeks with the sleeves of my sweatshirt and knelt down in front of him, so that we were eye to eye. "You're not in love with me…" He started to argue but I placed my index finger to his lips to keep him quiet. "Yes, you love me but we're not in love with each other. I don't think we ever were."

I dropped my finger from his lips and his head followed my hand down to my side where my hands now rested. I stared down and saw tears hit the floor. I almost feel bad for him, almost.

I gave him a few minutes before I stood up and went over to my dresser where the bag of all his stuff was. I walked over to him. He stood up and I handed him the bag.

"I'm so sorry I f*cked this all up."

"I'm sorry you did too."

He walked over to the door but turned back to look at me one more time before he walked out for good this time.





After Dominic left, I turned the lights off and crawled back in bed just as I was before he came over. I just laid there and stared into the dark room when I heard the door open.

"Kenzie?" I heard a thump. Hunter must have walked into Hailey's bed. I picked up my phone from my bed and turned it on so he could see where he was walking.

"You ok?"

"I don't want to talk about it right now. I just want to go to sleep and forget this shit ever happened." I turned on my side and faced away from him.

I heard the chair as it scrapped against the floor. He sat down and started running his fingers up and down my back. I slowly drifted off to sleep.

My sleep did not last, and I woke up crying. I wiped the tears away and turned to see if anyone was still here. Hunter sat in the chair, gazing over at me.

He reached over to the nightstand and handed me some pain reliever and water. "Here take these." He knew me so well. He knew after a night like I was having, I would wake up with a pounding headache.

"Thanks. You don't have to sit there all night. I will be fine." I tell him.

"Yeah I do. Just try and get some more sleep." He was pissed. I could sense it. What was I supposed to do? This was not in my control.

I laid there for a while and eventually fell back asleep, but again, it was not for very long. At least this time when I woke up, I was not crying.

I looked over at Hunter and he still sat in the same place he had been since he walked in but now, his head rested on his hand and he was asleep.

I sat up and looked over at Hailey's empty bed; I got up and pulled her covers down. I walked over to Hunter and woke him.

"Hey, wake up." He stirred slightly and opened his eyes. "Come on. If you are going to stay here, sleep in Hailey's bed."

He got up, crawled into Hailey's bed and faced the direction of my bed. I got back into my bed and faced him. I knew he was not going to fall back asleep until I did, so I closed my eyes and pretended to fall back asleep. I laid there for what seemed like forever but then I heard Hunter's heavy breathing. I concentrated on breathing in and out and I eventually fell back asleep too.

When I woke up again, the sun was shining in my room. I got up and took another shower; my brothers did not come here to help nurse my broken heart. I had to pull myself together because we had plans to go to Busch Gardens today and I was going. I would have felt guilty for backing out on them. I knew they would understand, but I needed to get out of here anyway.

When I got out of the shower and got myself ready to go I opened the door and saw that Hunter was still asleep. I did not want to wake him but we had to get going.

I ran my fingers through his hair and ruffled it. "Hunter, come on get up; we have to go."

He stretched and yawned then looked at me and said, "We don't have to go; they'll understand."

Just the thought of sitting here and rehashing everything that had happened makes me want to cry again. "And what are we going to do? Sit here and stare at the walls? I can't do that; I can't sit here and cry."

We need to go.

"You sure you're up for it?" He asked still skeptical.

"I'm fine." I will be, at least for a little while. "Plus dad gave me money for an emergency and today is an emergency, so I'm using it."

"Alright, let's go back to my house so I can grab a quick shower."

When we got there, Mason, Hailey and Cooper were all upstairs still getting ready. It actually shocked me that party last night had not left the place trashed. There were still a few people asleep on the couch and a couple of pizza boxes and cups all over the kitchen, but nothing like the last party.

"That was a shitty thing that happened to you." Bentley said from the kitchen table.

"Yeah." Don't people understand that you normally don't want to talk about a break up? I did not want to be rude to him but I did not want to get into the details of what happened either, so I got up and walked out on the deck to get some fresh air.

I heard the sliding glass door open a few minutes after I walked out. "You ok?" Hunter asked, coming up next to me to lean on the banister.

"I'm fine."

"So I assume you told Dom no last night?"

Really? Did he think for a second I would tell him yes? "Definitely no."

Hunter reached out and tucked a piece of my hair behind my ear. He moved closer so that we were shoulder to shoulder. He grabbed my hand and we stayed like that until Mason came out and said, "What the f*ck Hunter?"

I quickly swung around, wondering what I missed.

"What?" Hunter asked, looking around, trying to figure out what was going on.

"You know what. Stay the f*ck away from her; she doesn't need to deal with anymore bullshit."

What the hell?

"Mase, what the hell is going on?"

"Nothing, come on let's go." He turned around and stormed off into the house.

I looked over at Hunter and he just shook his head and walked in behind Mason. What the hell was going on? I did not feel like dealing with anything else, so if this was how today was going to be, I would just go home.

"Hey, you ready?" Hailey asked me, peaking out the door.

"I guess, but what the hell happened last night? Mase damn near bit off Hunter's head."

"Don't worry about it. It's nothing they can't work out themselves."

I shook my head and followed Hailey out to Mason's car. During most of the drive to the park, Hunter and Cooper talked about the upcoming baseball season, but Mason and Hunter said nothing to each other. There was so much tension that I could not stand it; it was doing nothing to help my mood. I only felt slightly calmer when Hunter would brush my knee when he saw me glaring at the back of Mason's head, or when Cooper would make stupid jokes and we would all laugh. The only person Mason was talking to was Hailey.

We finally made it to the park, but when I tried to pay for the tickets using my emergency money, Hunter stopped me. "I got it." He took my card and put it in his back pocket.

"No, I got it. Give me my card back." I held my hand out.

"Just let him pay Kenzie." Cooper said from behind us.

I gave Cooper a dirty look but followed behind Hunter and walked into the park. I will find a way to get the money back to him whether he likes it or not.

We all had a great time at the park; that was exactly what I needed. I did not think about anything but the next roller coaster or the person who was going to jump out and scare me since we went on Halloween weekend.

There was still tension between Mason and Hunter but I just ignored it. I did not want our time here to end, I did not want to go back to the dorms to remember Dominic and I definitely did not want to run into him either.

Hailey must have read my mind, because she suggested we go back to Hunter's house, sleep over and watch movies until we pass out like we used to at home.

"Sounds good, Hailey, your bed is like sleeping on a cinder block. My shoulders are stiff as hell." Hunter complained.

"My bed is not. I love it. I sleep like a princess." Hailey said beaming.

"Maybe it had to do with the fact that you slept half the night in the chair." I added.

"Dude, I told you I would have stayed with her." Cooper commented.

"And I told you that it wasn't a good idea to stay with her Hunter." Mason said, walking up to us from the bathroom.

No one said anything after that; Hailey pulled Mason in front of us to make our way back to the car. I followed behind with Cooper and Hunter.

"Will someone please tell me what happened between you two?" I asked Hunter and Cooper.

Cooper looked down at the ground, but spoke up first. "Mason doesn't want you with Hunter."

I stopped walking but Cooper kept walking until he realized I had stopped. Hunter just kept on walking. Either he did not realize I had stopped, or he did not want to hear anymore.

"Wait a second, what are you even talking about? Hunter doesn't want me." I really must have missed something last night.

Cooper nodded his head. "Yeah he does. He told us last night." Coop glanced over to see my reaction.

Taken back by this, I said, "It doesn't matter if he does or not. There will never be a Hunter and me. He would not do that to you guys."

He told them he wanted me after he told me last summer there could not ever be an us? Why now, after Dominic broke my heart?

"You're right, it doesn't if he does or not. Mason still hates the idea. I don't have a problem with it as much as he does, but I still don't like it. I know he has always been there for you when we couldn't but you are our sister and it's just not right."

"Yeah well, you guys have nothing to worry about." I said as I stormed past Cooper.

When I caught up to Mason I nudged his shoulder and whispered, "You don't have anything to worry about," then glanced in Hunter's direction. Mason just nodded. I don't even want to think about being in a relationship with anyone at this point, even if the one person I wanted the most finally wanted me.

Arriving back at Hunter's house, Bentley was there with a few of his friends. They were going out for the night so he told us to make ourselves at home. Hailey pulled out the vodka that she had the last time we were here and poured me a shot. I looked over at her and gave her a small smile. She knew I was still a little upset and when I needed her, she was always there.

I went into the freezer and much to my surprise; Hunter had replenished my ice cream supply. I shut the freezer door and Hunter was standing there.

"Damn it, you scared me."

He smirked at me; they all loved it when they snuck up on me.

"You hanging in there?" He asked.

"Yeah. No tears today right?" I was trying my damnedest all day not to think of what I would have to deal with when I got back home.

He grabbed the ice cream from me and scooped some out for us. Cooper came in and wanted popcorn, so Hunter threw him the box to make while I went into the living room.

After everyone settled, we started the movie, but I didn't last long. I was exhausted from not getting much sleep and being at the park all day. I was awakened by someone running a finger from my temple down my neck and back again.

When I opened my eyes, Hunter was looking at me. I glanced around the room. Everyone was gone except Cooper who was asleep on the couch across from us.

I snuggled into his touch and asked, "Can you tell me what happened with you and Mason?"

He stared at me for a few minutes; it was as if he had to decide if he wanted to tell me or not. Then he finally said, "I told him I loved you and that I have for a long time."

My eyes went wide with surprise. "Why did you do that?"

"It just came out." He stared off into the other direction and then back at me. "I was pissed at Dominic for proposing to you. I lost it when I left your room."

I sat up; I could not believe this was happening now. God, I wanted him, but why now? This was too much, too soon. "You shouldn't have told them that."

"I know, I didn't mean to just blurt it out like that. Mason was pissed." He looked down to the ground. "I know you don't need to deal with any more shit right now."

"You're right. I don't, not now." I laid back down but turned away from him.

He sat on the floor next to where I was sleeping for a while, before I heard him say, "I'm sorry CC," then he got up to go back to his room.