Chapter Twenty-Two
JESS
Meeting a guy’s mother while naked in his bed was never good. Especially when the guy was someone like Jason. Hank’s mother would have been shocked, then made a comment about not knocking me up. Maybe even called me a whore.
Jason’s mother reeked of money. She hadn’t expected to find a girl in bed with him. That much was obvious. And honestly, a relief, in a way. At least I knew he didn’t do this often. I hoped that proved to her that I wasn’t some slut after him because of his brother.
Jason’s arm stayed firmly tucked around me like he was keeping me out of harm’s way and protected. It was sweet and eased my mind some. But the disappointment in his mother’s eyes was hard to ignore. She expected more from Jason than . . . me. I couldn’t blame her, really. Jason was brilliant and had a future ahead of him so much bigger than me. I wanted to reassure her that I wasn’t going to hold him back. I wanted all his dreams to come true too. I didn’t say anything, though. She didn’t look like she wanted to speak to me.
“Girlfriend?” she repeated, distaste in her voice as the word rolled off her tongue. “I was unaware you had a girlfriend. Johanna was under the impression you would be accompanying her to the cotillion next weekend. Her mother called to let me know the color of her dress so you could order her corsage.”
Jason’s body went rigid beside me, and his arm tightened as he pulled me even closer to him. “I told Johanna I would be her escort before things got serious between Jess and me. I’ll still take her, but it will be a friends-only thing.”
I was trying to figure out what a cotillion was and why it was okay for Jason to still buy a girl flowers and take her to this thing when he’d gotten upset over me just having dinner with Jeff.
“Yes, well, we will talk about this later. You need to get dressed.” She paused and looked at me. “Both of you,” she said, again with the disgusted tone in her voice. “We can continue this conversation over breakfast.”
“We’ll be down shortly,” he replied.
His mother nodded and stepped out of the room, closing the door a little harder than necessary.
Jason let out a frustrated sigh and laid his head back down. “She lives to control me. I swear I can’t get away from her. Not even here.”
I turned to look at him. “Your mother?” I asked, wondering if we were talking about his mother or Johanna.
“Yeah, my mother,” he said, then leaned over and kissed me. “I’m sorry about that. Not how I wanted you to wake up. I had some really good plans that she just shot to hell.”
I wanted to know what those plans were, but I was afraid his mother would come back and demand we get dressed if we took too long. “We need to get dressed,” I said.
He frowned, then nodded. “Yeah, she’ll be back if we don’t get down there soon.”
I slipped out of his embrace and started to get out of bed when his arms slid back around my waist and he pulled me back against his chest. “You look gorgeous when you wake up. I’ve been watching you sleep for an hour, imagining how good your skin tastes in the morning.”
I wanted to melt into him and let him keep telling me what he had been thinking, but his mother’s presence in the house and the name Johanna were keeping me from doing that.
I reached for his hands and pulled them off of me, then stood up and reached for my clothes, realizing he had brought me over here last night in a pair of boxers and a tank top. I couldn’t go downstairs dressed like that.
Turning around to look at Jason, I found him still sitting on the bed, staring at my naked body. That was hard to ignore. I wanted to forget Johanna and his mother and just crawl back into bed. But this was important. I wanted her to like me.
“I don’t have anything to wear,” I told him, feeling my skin heat up under his gaze.
He lifted his eyes to meet mine after they lingered on my breasts. “Have I mentioned that I hate my mother?” he asked. Then his lips curled into a sexy smile.
I put my hands on my hips, knowing it only made my breasts look better, and frowned at him. “I am pretty sure she hates me, too. So finding me something other than my tank top and boxer shorts would be wise.”
Jason’s eyes were back on my chest. “Jess,” he said slowly.
“Hmm?”
“You need to cover yourself or I’m not going to be able to focus on anything other than bending you over my bed.”
Oh. My nipples went taut and he muttered a curse. I wrapped my arms over my chest and Jason shook his head as if he were trying to clear it. “Okay, right, uh, clothes,” he said, looking anywhere but at me. He opened a drawer and pulled out a T-shirt and a pair of sweatpants. “These are too small. I’ve had them here for a couple of years. They also have a drawstring,” he said, handing them to me without looking at me. “Put them on fast, please,” he said.
Smiling, I took the clothes and pulled on the tank top I had worn, since I didn’t have a bra, then finished dressing myself. The clothes were baggy but not too bad. “I’m dressed,” I told him as he pulled on a pair of jeans. He turned back around and his gaze traveled down my body. When his eyes met mine again, a pleased look was on his face. “I like you in my clothes.”
I liked wearing his clothes. I was doubting his mother was going to like it, though. But there wasn’t much I could do about that.
Jason pulled a shirt over his head, then held out his hand for me to take. I let him pull me against him before I put my hand up to stop him from kissing me. “Wait.”
His frown was instant. I knew he didn’t realize the thing with Johanna bothered me. He was acting like it wasn’t a big deal. He hadn’t even brought it up after his mother left the room. But it was a big deal. I wanted to know who she was. What a cotillion was and why he was still planning on taking her.
“Who’s Johanna and what’s a cotillion?” I asked.
Jason sighed and ran his hand through his hair like he was frustrated. If I wasn’t so completely obsessed with him, that would piss me off. But where Jason was concerned, I was weak. I loved him too much.
“A girl from home. Our parents are friends. They have a place in the Hamptons next door to ours. We’ve grown up together. And a cotillion is a stupid thing they do at the country club my parents are members of, where girls enter society. They get all dressed up, and it’s a dance thing. Like I said, it’s stupid.”
He was taking her to a dance. A girl who his mother approved of and he had known his whole life. My stomach felt sick. She would be all dressed up in a fabulous, expensive dress, and he would put his hands on her as they danced. I stepped back from him, needing some space.
I had asked for this when I had decided to enjoy Jason while I had him. I should have known there was a Johanna. There always was.
“Jess,” he said, reaching for me, but I pulled my hand away and put it behind my back.
“I should go,” I told him before walking to the door.
“Oh, no, you don’t,” he said, running in front of me and blocking the door. “You aren’t walking out of here mad at me. You’re the only girl I want. If I could get out of this thing with Jo, I would. But it would leave her in a bind for an escort, and she’s a friend. That’s it. A friend. She knows it, even if my mother would like to pretend otherwise.”
I wanted to believe him, but it still stung. I felt like he was choosing “Jo” over me. Which didn’t surprise me. No man had ever put me first. Why I should expect that from Jason just because I’d told him I loved him, I didn’t know.
“Fine. I still want to go home. Can you have your driver take me, please?”
Jason grabbed my waist. “No. You aren’t leaving like this. You’re upset, and I can’t f*cking handle that. I don’t want you upset. What do you want me to do? Tell me how I can fix this, and I’ll do it, Jess. Just please don’t be mad at me.”
He looked determined. I wanted to believe him, but I had already voiced my concern. He had ignored that. I couldn’t ask him not to take her, because I knew he would give me the same excuse again. “What night is it?” I asked him instead.
“Next Saturday,” he said, almost wincing as he said it.
I wasn’t a whimpering, pathetic female. Something about Jason was making me weak. The protective walls I had lived behind were crumbling, and I was letting myself be pushed around. I was tougher than this. I looked him directly in the eye.
“Fine. She’s your friend. Take her to her cotillion,” I said, and relief touched his face, but I wasn’t done yet. “I’ll have Dewayne take me to the music festival next Saturday night on the beach, since he’s a friend I’ve had since I was a kid and I never miss a music festival. Especially since Blake Shelton will be there this year.”
Jason’s entire body went rigid, and I flashed him a smile. “We should probably go to breakfast now,” I said sweetly.
“Why Dewayne?” he asked in a low, even voice. I could tell he was trying to control his reaction.
He had been dealing with the lovestruck Jess. He’d forgotten that I could play dirty. “Because I know if I ask him to, he’ll not only get me a ticket, he’ll take me.” I added a shrug. “And, of course, he’s an old friend.”
Jason grabbed the door handle and took a deep breath. “Okay” was all he said before opening the door and standing back for me to exit first.
I walked into the hallway and had no idea where to go next. “You’re gonna have to lead. I’m lost,” I told him.
He was still standing at the door, staring at me, when I glanced back at him. There was a pained look on his face, and I silently cheered that my threat was getting to him. If he wanted me to live with his world, then he’d have to learn to live with mine.
“How’s he gonna get tickets this late?” Jason asked.
“We’re locals,” I replied with a grin. “We know who to call.”
Jason’s frown was verging on angry, and I couldn’t keep the grin off my face. Guess it didn’t feel too good to him, either.
He didn’t say anything else on our way down to the dining room, and I became more and more aware of the fact that I was way underdressed for breakfast with his mother the closer we got. I had been busy making sure Jason knew how it felt to be left on the sidelines that I hadn’t thought about my clothing.
“She’s not going to like what I’m wearing,” I said, pausing outside the door.
Jason touched my arm and gave me a reassuring squeeze. “You’re fine. I’ll handle this.”
The safe feeling was back, and I nodded and walked inside when he opened the door for me. His mother’s eyes were on me immediately, and the distaste on her face was obvious.
“I’m glad you could finally join me. I thought I was going to have to come back up there and remind you.” Her haughty voice was like ice.
“No, Mother. We remembered. We just aren’t working on your schedule. We have our own,” Jason replied, and held out a chair for me to sit down.
I was seriously considering running out of the room. This woman was scary as hell.
“Don’t talk to me with such little respect,” she said in a warning tone.
“Don’t provoke me,” he replied, taking the seat to my left and placing himself between me and her.
She set her cup down and fixed her now angry glare on me. “Could she not dress more appropriately?”
Jason’s hand was immediately on my leg, holding it firmly. “She wasn’t aware that she needed to bring clothing for eating breakfast with my mother. I didn’t know you were coming.”
“Johanna called me when she went to your apartment and you told her you were headed to Sea Breeze for the weekend. She wondered if it was a family gathering.”
We were back to Johanna again. I hadn’t realized she also went to Harvard. The sick knot in my stomach was back. My victory was short-lived.
“Johanna needs to mind her own business,” Jason replied.
“She was concerned because you were supposed to be at a special study group tomorrow that she said was mandatory.”
Jason’s grip on my thigh was the only thing giving away his mounting frustration. “It isn’t mandatory. She knows that,” he replied.
“Does she know that you have a . . . a thing with this girl?”
I winced at her tone and didn’t even attempt to acknowledge the food in front of me.
“Does she know I have a girlfriend? No. But she will as soon as I see her again. I wasn’t aware she and I were close enough to discuss my life outside of school.”
His mother cocked one of her perfectly shaped eyebrows. “Please tell me that comment was for your girlfriend’s benefit, because I’m the one who caught you and Johanna having sex last spring while we were vacationing in the Hamptons on your break.”
He’d had sex with Johanna. I was done. I couldn’t sit through any more of this. I was afraid of what else his mother would enlighten me about. I started to stand up, but Jason’s hand held me down.
“That’s enough, Mother. You managed to push me to my limit. You’ve not only made Jess feel unwelcome and uncomfortable, you’ve upset her. I don’t like her upset. Thank you for changing my mind. I won’t be attending the cotillion with Johanna. I’ll let her know today so she can find a replacement. Maybe you can help her with that.” Jason stood up and held his hand out to me. “Let’s go,” he said, fixing his gaze on me.
“You aren’t leaving. We aren’t done here,” his mother snapped, and I jumped up, grabbing his hand tightly.
“Yes, we are,” he replied, then turned and walked us out of the dining room and directly toward the front door.
“Bring the car around. We’re ready to leave,” Jason spoke into his phone, then slid it back into his pocket. He opened the front door and stepped back, letting me walk outside.
The limo I was accustomed to seeing pulled in front of the house, and Jason’s hand was on my back, leading me toward it. The driver had barely had time to park when Jason was opening the door himself and motioning for me to get inside.
After he crawled in, he looked toward the opening between the driver and us. “Just drive until I tell you otherwise,” he said, then pressed a button that raised the divider.
I was afraid to let him talk first. I didn’t know if the anger rolling off him was because of me or his mother or both. “You don’t have to cancel with Johanna,” I said, surprising myself. Especially after I now knew he had slept with her. That changed everything for me.
“No,” he said, picking me up and putting me in his lap. I straddled him and placed my hands on his chest, unsure of what he had planned for this position. I wasn’t feeling very affectionate at the moment. “Jo has turned into one of them. Just like my mother and hers. I have no desire to do anything for her.”
“But you wanted to,” I reminded him.
He put his hands on my thighs and stared up at me. “I promised her last spring I’d take her,” he said, as if that explained it. Must have been during the sex they were having. “Canceling on her now was mean. I didn’t want to leave her without an escort. But now I don’t give a shit.”
“Because she called your mom,” I said, trying to figure out what exactly had made him mad.
Jason laid his head back on the seat and closed his eyes. “No. That just gave me an excuse. I’m glad she gave me a reason, because I was going to cancel on her before we walked into that dining room.” He lifted his head back up and looked at me. “I wasn’t letting you go anywhere with Dewayne or anyone else. The thought of you dressed sexy, drinking and dancing on the beach where anyone could see you and think you were available, was more than I could handle. I’m taking you to that damn festival. Me. They all need to know you’re taken.”
Oh. My heart did that flutter thing again, and my hands on his chest turned into fists to keep from pawing at him in appreciation. It had taken me fighting back, but he had put me first in the end. That was almost as good as being picked first. It would have been better if he’d chosen my wishes over hers without my having to threaten him with another guy.
The fluttering stopped. When I realized how I had won this battle, it took away all the joy. He had originally chosen her. He hadn’t wanted to hurt her, but he’d been okay hurting me.
“I won’t go with Dewayne. Take her to the cotillion. It’s what you originally wanted to do. I played dirty, and I shouldn’t have,” I said, shifting to move off his lap. I needed some space.
Jason grabbed my waist and held me there. “It’s not what I wanted to do,” he said. “It’s what was right. She didn’t deserve to be ditched at the last minute.”
He still didn’t get it. I nodded. “Take her. You don’t want to hurt her.”
I could feel him studying me, but I wouldn’t look at him. I just wanted to go home and lock myself in my room. I could cry then and no one would see me. “I don’t like hurting people in general,” he said slowly, as if he was trying to figure out the meaning behind my words.
“I know. You’re a better person than I am. Actually, than most people I know. You’re thoughtful and kind. It’s one of the things that I find so insanely attractive about you.”
Jason moved his thumbs so that they brushed my stomach in a gentle caress. “Then why won’t you look at me?” he asked.
Because you didn’t choose me first. Those words sounded shallow, yet they kept repeating in my head. I wish it wasn’t important to me. I wish my self-esteem was better and that kind of thing wasn’t a weakness of mine.
“This morning has been intense, and I just want to go back to sleep,” I told him, forcing myself to look at him so he wouldn’t push that issue.
Jason reached up and took my chin between his thumb and forefinger so I couldn’t look away. “You aren’t telling me something.” He sounded frustrated.
“I don’t want to talk about it. I’ll be okay. Just give me some time to deal with my own insecurities. I’m working on them,” I explained, trying to sound flippant.
“I never want to make you feel insecure. If I have to dedicate my life to making sure you know where you stand with me, I will. So don’t give me that shit. If you have something to deal with, tell me. I’ll fix it.”
He couldn’t fix this. He didn’t realize that it had already been done. His immediate impulse was to protect Johanna. Not me.
I wondered if he had loved her. If he had ever told her he loved her. I loved him, but he hadn’t told me he loved me. Maybe that was it. He didn’t love me but he had loved her. She had that hold on him. I started to move again, wanting to get away from him, but he continued to hold me still.
“Talk to me, Jess. Please,” he begged.
“You had to choose, and you chose her. When pressed for an answer, you chose her feelings over mine. Nothing that happened after that matters. Because it was after I manipulated you.” I stopped and looked out the window because I couldn’t stand looking at him while I admitted this. “I wanted to be your fist choice, so I forced you to pick me. It was wrong. I don’t want you to put me first because I use your jealousy against you. I want you to think of me first because it’s the way you feel. I’m tired of trying to be someone’s first choice. I’ve done that, and I’m exhausted. I won’t do it anymore. I just won’t.” Jason’s grip on me loosened, and I used that opportunity to get off his lap and put some space between us. I didn’t look back at him, and I didn’t say anything else.
He had wanted me to talk, and now that I had he had nothing to say. I wished I could reach the button so I could let the driver know to take me home. I wanted out of this car. I wanted to run until I couldn’t run anymore.
“I didn’t realize it hurt you. You acted like it wasn’t a big deal,” he said in a pained voice.
“Really? That’s what you’re going with?” I asked angrily. “If I were to go to a dance with a guy friend because I had promised him I would and you knew his hands would be touching me while we danced, just how would you feel? Would you be okay with that?”
He didn’t reply. I knew he couldn’t honestly tell me he would be fine with it. When I had thrown it back in his face, he had cracked. So how could he say that he didn’t think it would bother me?
“You’re right. I didn’t think,” he said. “My first thought should have been to protect you and your feelings. I’m so sorry, Jess. I’m not good at this. I don’t do relationships, and I obviously suck at it.” He sounded so defeated.
I couldn’t stay mad at him. It wasn’t his fault that he didn’t love me. He cared, and that was all I would ever get from him. I knew that already. I was expecting him to react the way a man in love would. He couldn’t.
“It’s okay,” I said, turning to look at him. “I was expecting too much. I’m sorry.”
Jason’s frown only deepened. “Don’t apologize. This is all me. You deserve better than the way I treated you this morning. But if there is any way you can forgive me, I swear I’ll be better. I’ll figure this relationship thing out and get it right.”
He was willing to try, which counted for something. He still didn’t get that his first instinct should have been to choose me. But then, he wasn’t in love, so that wouldn’t be what he first thought of. I wasn’t looking for someone who would put me first, I was looking for someone to love me.
The realization was sad and pathetic. I had let this thing with Jason mean too much. I didn’t want to lose what little time I had with him until a Johanna came into his life and he fell head over heels in love with her and I was forgotten.
“Okay,” I said, fighting back the emotions that the thought of losing him stirred up.
“Okay?” he repeated. “I’m forgiven, okay? Or you’ll think about it, okay?” he asked.
“You’re forgiven,” I replied.
He let out a sigh of relief and bent his head to capture my mouth with his. I closed off all other thoughts and enjoyed him. Enjoyed this thing we had that I had let myself believe could be more. I accepted what was real and kissed him back, knowing I was going to need every memory I could make with him to keep me warm one day.
JASON
When her body melted against mine, I felt like I could take a deep breath again. I had been so damn scared. The hurt look in her eyes was going to haunt me for f*cking weeks. I had to come up with a way to prove to her how important she was to me. Until then, I needed to reassure myself that she wasn’t about to walk out of my life in search of that guy who puts her first.
The unknown guy only made me more desperate. I lay her back on the seat, pushed my shirt that she was wearing up, and slid my hands under her tank top until her breast filled my hand. Her soft moan was so damn sweet. “I want you naked,” I told her, and she leaned up so I could pull the shirt and tank off of her.
“I swear, Jess, your tits get more perfect every damn time I see them.”
Her nipples hardened from my praise. “Those things you were thinking of to wake me this morning,” she said, smiling up at me. “Why don’t you show me?”
I pulled a nipple into my mouth and sucked hard until she grabbed my head and cried out. When I let it go, she was panting and her cheeks were flushed. “I’ll have to take these sweats off in order to show you, because when I was talking about how you tasted I had a specific area in mind.”
Her mouth formed a small O and she trembled underneath me. I was about to show her just how important her happiness was to me. Over and over again.