Chapter Eighteen
JESS
On Tuesday I finished my last class at two and headed home to change and get the clothing I had taken home to work on. I was supposed to work from three to seven tonight. Krit had called twice today, and I hadn’t been able to answer it. He knew I had classes today.
We had talked Sunday night, and I had explained to him I needed to cool off. What we were doing was going too fast, and he was free to sleep around. He hadn’t handled it well, but according to talk, Krit had taken not one but two girls backstage Monday night, where he had performed in Destin, Florida. Several of Jackdown’s groupies followed them around. They also made sure I heard about it.
I would call him on my way to work. Pulling up to the house, I realized I wouldn’t need to. Krit was sitting on my front porch. I wasn’t in the mood for him to apologize, if that was what this was. I had told him he could sleep around, and he hadn’t wasted any time. Proved to me he wasn’t as into me as he thought he was. Which eased my conscience. At least he didn’t love me.
I stepped out of my truck and headed toward him. He sat there and watched me approach, but he didn’t look apologetic. He looked pissed. But I hadn’t done anything.
“Hey,” I said, studying him.
“You didn’t answer my calls,” he replied.
“I was in class. I was going to give you a call on my way to work. What’s up?” I tried to make it sound casual.
He shook his head as if he couldn’t believe me. “Really? That’s it? We’re back to being f*cking friendly?”
He was going to make me late for work. “We talked about this. You were okay with it,” I told him.
“Okay with it? Who the f*ck told you I was okay with it?”
I leaned on the railing and sighed. “I know about the girls Monday night. Word travels fast. I would say that makes you okay with it,” I told him.
Krit threw down some paper he was holding and stood up. “F*ck that! You said I could sleep around. You needed f*cking space. You can’t get mad because I did what you told me to.”
I reached out and grabbed his hand, hoping to calm him down. “I’m not mad. I didn’t say I was mad. I was pointing out that you taking girls backstage means you’re okay with this. With us.”
Krit crowded me and reached up to cup my face. “They weren’t you. So no, I’m not f*cking okay with this. It sucks. It hurts like hell and they can’t make it go away.”
I reached up and pulled his hand from my face. “You did it, though. You wanted them enough to f*ck them. That means you were attracted to them. If you had been heartbroken over this, you wouldn’t have been able to sleep with other girls. That’s all I’m saying.”
Krit closed his eyes and swore. “Don’t you f*cking say that. Don’t you turn that shit on me when you said it was okay. All you had to say was you didn’t want me with anyone else, and I wouldn’t have.”
If I didn’t think it would make him angry, I would have smiled. He was so confused. He did have feelings for me. I knew that. But he wasn’t in love. He hadn’t experienced that yet, so of course he thought this was as bad as it got.
“If you just wanted me, then you wouldn’t have been able to sleep with anyone else. With or without my consent. That’s all I’m saying.”
Krit shoved away from me and started pacing. “F*ck that. It’s not fair, Jess. I was drinking. I get horny as hell when I’m onstage. It gets my blood pumping. You know that.”
I grinned this time. I couldn’t help it. “I know. And I’m telling you it’s okay. I just have other things going on right now I have to deal with.”
Krit stopped pacing and bent down and picked up the papers he had thrown down: several articles from an event this weekend, where Jax Stone and Star had performed for charity. But the photos weren’t of Jax. They were of Star, and on her arm was Jason.
“This is what you’re dealing with. This little shit. He used you. He’s f*cking with your head. I saw you looking at him last weekend. You wanted him. I could taste it on you. Don’t let him f*ck you up. He can’t be what you want, love. Hell, I have a hard time being what you want. You want a f*cking lot. You deserve it, but he won’t be the one to do it.”
Krit started to say more and stopped. Instead he turned around and walked to his car. I didn’t watch him go. I was too busy staring at the photo of Jason and Star taken on Friday night. The same night he had called me. He had said he was going out with Sadie and Jax. He hadn’t been lying. He’d just left out the small piece of information that he was dating Star.
Krit was right. I was wanting a fairy tale. I wasn’t getting a fairy tale. I was a stripper’s daughter. Nothing more. I was trying to be someone I wasn’t. Someone I would never be. I started to wad the paper up and stopped myself. Instead I smoothed it out. I would put it away, and when I needed reminding of just how stupid I was when it came to Jason, I would pull it out again. Remind myself.
* * *
Friday night I spent extra time getting ready. I wore my shortest skirt and my tightest top. I even finished it off with the expensive boots Jason had bought me. I hadn’t been able to wear them again. But I was tired of acting like they were some shrine to him. I should be enjoying something from our time together.
My hair looked good down tonight, and I put extra eye makeup on to give me a sultry look. By now everyone would know Krit and I were over and I was free to flirt and be flirted with. It was rebound night for me, and I planned on drinking too much and dancing all night.
When I walked into Live Bay, the night was already in full swing. I stopped by the bar and grabbed a whiskey before heading over to the table where Rock was watching me with a concerned, fatherly frown. I just winked at him, which made his frown deepen. I shifted my gaze to Dewayne, who was the only other person at the table right now. Licking my bottom lip suggestively, I set my glass down and leaned forward, knowing that even though he viewed me as Rock’s little cousin, he was going to look at my tits.
“Wanna dance?” I asked.
“No,” Rock answered for him.
“Hell yes,” Dewayne replied.
“Stand up and I’ll make you sit down,” Rock warned him.
Dewayne just laughed and took a drink.
“What are you doing, Jess?” Rock asked.
“Drinking, then dancing,” I replied with a smile I didn’t feel.
“It’s not like you,” he replied.
“No. It’s exactly like me. This is me, Rock. I’m done pretending to be someone else. Now, why can’t Dewayne dance with me?” I asked, turning to pout at Dewayne, who looked very amused.
“Stop flirting with Dewayne,” Rock said, annoyed.
“I’m enjoying it. Please, let her continue,” Dewayne said, leaning back to look at me through half-hooded eyes as he smoked a cigarette.
Maybe I should be careful with him. He seemed like he might just be more than I could handle. “Fine. I’ll go dance by myself,” I told them, taking a long swig of my drink before turning and walking out to the dance floor.
I made sure to swing my hips just enough to draw attention. I wouldn’t dance alone for long. This was what I was good at. I had watched my momma control men my entire life. It came easy to me.
“Heard you and Krit are over,” a deep voice said as warm fingers circled my arm. I turned to see Justin Monroe. He had been the senior quarterback in high school my freshman year.
“Yeah, we are,” I replied with a flutter of my eyelashes and a slow smile. “But I just want to dance.”
Justin grinned. “Lead the way,” he said.
I walked us into the center of the crowd. Luckily, this was Green’s song. He sang the solo on it, so I didn’t have to hear Krit singing while I adjusted to my life after Jason Stone.
Justin rested his hands on my hips, and I moved to the music while smiling up at him. He was a safe distraction. Nothing dangerous. He’d been engaged to the preacher’s daughter in town once, but that had fallen through. Not sure why. I didn’t hang out in their circle, and they were older than me.
Green announced a break, and I stopped dancing when the radio took over playing music.
“Need a drink,” I told him, and then I left him there while I went back to the table. I didn’t ask him to come with me. It had just been a dance, and he’d be one of many.
Rock was shaking his head at me when he saw me coming.
I picked up my drink. “What?” I snapped.
“You’re stirring up trouble,” Rock said.
I rolled my eyes and took a drink. “I’m dancing,” I replied.
“And here he comes,” Dewayne drawled.
I glanced back, expecting to see Justin, but Krit was headed our way instead. Hadn’t expected him. He normally had quickies backstage first.
Krit’s hand wrapped around my arm and he pulled me to him. “We need to talk. Now.”
I shook my head.
“I’ll cause a f*cking scene,” Krit warned.
“We discussed this. What’s wrong with you?”
Two girls came up to Krit and grabbed on to both his arms and started telling him how good he sounded. He shrugged them loose. “Thanks. Now go,” he said, pulling me again. “I need to talk to you, love. Don’t make me do it here.”
The girls walked away, scowling at me. I pointed my glass at their retreating backs. “You should go get them. I bet they’ll do a threesome,” I said.
“F*ck, Jess,” Rock groaned.
Krit got in my face, and I felt Rock move behind me. “Back up,” Rock warned him.
“Is that what you want, love? You want me to leave and go f*ck someone else backstage?” He wanted me to say no. I could hear it in his voice. But he needed me to say yes.
“Yes, that’s what I want,” I replied, and he stepped back like I had slapped him.
He wiped his thumb over his bottom lip and shook his head in disbelief. “That’s it, love. That’s it. I’m done.” He threw his hands up and stalked off. I didn’t watch him go. I turned back to the table and met Dewayne’s eyes.
“He’ll get over it. You did the right thing. He ain’t for you,” Dewayne said.
“I just hope we can be friends again one day.” I did. I shouldn’t have let things get out of hand with him. I also shouldn’t have come here. I didn’t belong here. I didn’t want this anymore. I set my glass down. “I’m gone,” I said.
“You okay?” Rock asked.
I looked up at him. “Yeah. No. I don’t know. I just . . .” I looked around at the place. “I don’t want to do this anymore,” I told him. “I want more now.”
Rock pulled me into a hug. “You’ll get more,” he whispered into my hair.
I pulled back and forced a smile. “I hope so.”
Turning to leave, I walked to the door and ignored people who called out my name. I just needed fresh air and time alone. Right before I reached the door, it opened and Jason Stone walked in. His eyes locked on me, and we stood there staring at each other. I hadn’t spoken to him all week. Not since his call.
He stepped back and opened the door for me. I walked through, keeping my head down. Should I say something? Or was he going to stay inside without a word?
The door closed behind me. I spun around to see Jason outside. He nodded toward the parking lot. “Can we talk?”
All I could do was nod. Even if I should be leaving here and protecting myself.
We walked over to his Hummer. This time there was no limo, no driver. Just him. He opened the door for me, and I climbed in, realizing that this was something Krit had never done. Opened my car door. I had missed it.
I thanked him, and he just smiled before closing the door and walking over to the driver’s side. The Hummer smelled like him. I breathed in deeply and enjoyed it before he opened the door and climbed in.
“Were you leaving?” he asked.
I turned to look at him, and seeing his face only made my heart speed up. His gaze was focused on me, and just being this close to him made everything seem better.
“Yeah,” I replied, not sure how much I should tell him.
He glanced out the window, then back at me. “Is he going to come looking for you?”
I shook my head. “No. We ended that . . . whatever it was.”
His eyes widened and his shoulders visibly relaxed. “Why?”
Did he want me to tell him it was because of him? Not that I would. I shrugged. “We don’t fit, I guess,” I replied.
Jason nodded like he agreed. I bit back a smile.
“Where were you headed?”
“Home,” I replied honestly, even if it made me sound pathetic.
“Could I convince you to come back to my place?”
God, how I wanted to say yes. He could convince me of anything if he tried hard enough. But the regret that would come when he left and didn’t call . . . The pain was something too fresh. I wasn’t ready for that again. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
Jason leaned toward me and kept his intense gaze focused on me. “Why?”
“Because you’ll make me miss you.” I said it before I could stop myself.
He reached over and touched my hand. “That’s why I want to talk. The way we left things . . . I don’t like it.”
I didn’t respond. I didn’t want to misunderstand him.
“I miss you, Jess,” he said in a husky whisper. That was my undoing.
“Okay.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Okay . . . you’ll go back to my place?”
I nodded and he let out a sigh. “Good. I was trying to weigh my options and abduction seemed risky.” The grin on his face brought the first real smile to mine in a week.
JASON
I had never been more relieved to get out of a car in my life. If Jess crossed her legs one more time in that ridiculous excuse for a skirt, I was going to lose my mind. Damn, why did she have to be so f*cking sexy?
I tried not to look at her as we climbed the steps to the house. The outfit she was wearing was more adventurous than anything I’d ever seen her wear. How the hell she’d walked out of the club alone was beyond me.
I opened the door and she walked inside. The staff was gone for the night since Jax wasn’t in residence. I liked it better alone. Especially now that I had Jess here.
“You wanted to talk,” Jess said, not walking any farther into the house. She seemed nervous now. I wasn’t sure what had changed from the car to here. She had been fine in the Hummer.
“Yeah, uh, not here. We could go outside.” I stopped when she started shaking her head.
“No, let’s not,” she said softly.
The last time we’d been outside was memorable for both of us. She was right. That was a bad idea. I needed to focus. “Uh, yeah. Let’s go . . .” Where the hell to take her? “Downstairs. It’s more comfortable down there. Less formal,” I finally said.
Jess nodded, and I started toward the stairs. Hearing the click of her heels on the marble floor made it difficult not to turn around and look at her legs. Not that I didn’t have a very clear mental image of them.
I started down the stairs and Jess stopped. Glancing back at her, I noticed she was gripping the railing tightly and having some internal battle with herself.
“Jess?”
She looked at me and shook her head. “I can’t. I shouldn’t have come here.”
What the hell? I walked back up to the step underneath her. “Why?”
She took a deep breath. “Because—we will—we will—do stuff, and you’ll leave for Boston and I’ll be here and I’ll be sad and I’ll be alone and I can’t do that again,” she said in one long, rushed sentence, then turned to leave. I reached out and grabbed her before she could get away.
“Don’t leave. That’s why I want to talk. Yeah, I’m gonna have to leave, but I want to come back. Like I’m doing now. Like I did two weeks ago. I want to come see you. And I sure as hell don’t want you to be sad.”
She got very still and stopped trying to move away from me. “What do you mean, you want to come back?”
“Exactly what I said. I want to see you. I miss you.”
She didn’t look at me. “But why? You’re dating Star. Why do you want to come here?”
Those stupid f*cking pictures. I shouldn’t have let them take those. I had witnessed firsthand how pictures like those had almost ended Jax and Sadie’s relationship. “She’s a friend.”
“Oh” was all she said.
“Please come downstairs and talk to me,” I pleaded, sliding a hand around her waist.
She tensed at first, then seemed to melt back into me.
“Okay,” she finally said after a moment.
I didn’t take my hand off her this time for fear she’d decide to run again. We made it downstairs and I directed her to the closest sofa to get her comfortable.
She looked around the place. “It’s nice down here,” she said.
It was where Jax and I had hung out when we were younger. He had been limited to our small portion of the beach when we visited, so we had spent a lot of time down here playing video games and pool.
“I haven’t been down here in a while,” I admitted.
She glanced down at her hands, then finally up at me. “So, you want to visit me,” she said slowly, as if trying to understand what I had been saying.
“Yeah, I do. A relationship would be impossible, but that doesn’t mean we can’t still date. I can come visit. I can bring you to visit me if you want to. I just . . . This thing with us not talking sucks. I miss you.”