Chapter Fifteen
Three months later . . .
JESS
It was finally Friday night. I needed a break. Between my classes and working every day, I liked to remember I was young and could have a good time. I loved my new job and my classes weren’t bad, but they took up my entire day Monday through Friday. If the shop was busy, I had to bring things home to work on them in the evenings.
I still couldn’t get over the fact that Mrs. Dillard had hired me to work as a seamstress in her store. Not that I wasn’t good enough, because I was, but because Mrs. Dillard’s husband was a Baptist minister and I was a stripper’s daughter. She didn’t seem to care, though.
I was making more money working for her than I would waiting tables or at a bar. She had sent the dance studio to me when they needed help with costumes, and I had been hired to design them after they saw some of my ideas. After they hired me, I got a call from the dance studio in the next town over, asking me to design for them, too. I kept pinching myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming. I knew that after this year at school it was very unlikely I could go to a four-year college. Junior college was all I could afford. All my momma could afford. But I was beginning to wonder if I could make a career out of this.
I parked my truck outside the back entrance to Live Bay. Jackdown was playing tonight, and it would be crawling with the college crowd soon. I stepped out of the truck just as the back door swung open and Krit came out, headed straight for me. I hadn’t seen him in two days. Not from his lack of trying, though.
“About f*cking time,” he said before he grabbed me and pulled me into his arms. I laughed against his mouth and felt him smile in return. The cool metal from his tongue ring slid past my lips and entered my mouth. The mix of cigarettes and tequila hit my tongue. It was Krit’s signature taste on nights he played.
Before he could get too carried away, I pulled away and pressed one more kiss to his lips so he wouldn’t pout. “I had a test,” I reminded him. He hadn’t been very patient with my studies so far this semester.
“And all I could think about was your p-ssy,” he said, slipping his hand into the front of my jeans. I reached for it and pulled it out before he got too far and I let him. Krit had many talents, and knowing how to make a woman come fast was one of them.
“Let me play,” he begged, backing me against the side of the truck.
He wasn’t normally this frantic with me. Maybe the monogamous thing was getting to him. It had been a month since I’d agreed to have sex with him only if it was just me and only me.
When he had promised me it was just me he wanted, I thought he was high. I also thought it would be short-lived. I needed someone to make me forget Jason. It had been two months then, and he had stayed in all my dreams and fantasies. So I had agreed to a friends-with-benefits thing with Krit if it was just me he was sleeping with.
For the most part it had helped. There were times I was guilty of closing my eyes and pretending he was Jason. Those were weak moments. Most of the time I was completely with Krit.
“You have to do sound check, don’t you?” I asked as he slid his hands under my shirt and squeezed my boobs.
“Love, all I can think about is how f*cking hot you are,” he said as he started kissing my neck. He was horny. And it was because he was used to having sex a lot more often than I was giving it to him.
“Krit, stop,” I said, putting my hands on his chest and moving him back.
He frowned. “What’s wrong?”
“This. You. I’m busy with school and work, and you’re used to more action. You’ve been good for a month, and I’ll admit I’m impressed, but you’re off the hook. Go sleep with the masses throwing themselves at you. It’s what you need. I’m not enough for you. We both knew this was a short-term thing.”
Krit started shaking his head. “Hell no. You’re not doing this to me, love.” He started pacing in front of me. “I waited f*cking years to get you under me. Years. I panted after you. Beat off thinking about you, and then I get you and this? F*ck no.” He got in my face and his eyes dropped to my lips, then back up to my eyes. “Just you, Jess. Just want you. Wanted you since we were kids. But you were f*cking Hank’s. Now he’s gone and married Carrie and is playing house. He’s out of your life. I got you. Don’t you throw me out, because I want you so damn bad. Don’t mistake that for something else.”
I didn’t have any words. I was speechless. This was not something I had ever expected to come out of Krit’s mouth. Ever. About anyone.
“You’ve always teased me,” I said, shaking my head, trying to understand this.
Krit ran a finger down the side of my face. His fingernails were painted black tonight. It always made me smile when he did that. “I had to do something. I couldn’t have you. But not telling you how much I wanted you was impossible. So I let you think I was kidding.”
How did I handle this? I liked Krit. He made me laugh. He was my friend, but I didn’t think I was capable of more. I had given in and admitted to myself even before I’d started sleeping with Krit that I was in love with Jason. I didn’t like thinking I could fall in love with someone so fast, so I wanted to pretend it wasn’t true, but it was.
I couldn’t think about Jason. He was off-limits in my head. “So you’re satisfied with me?” I asked him.
Krit closed his eyes, and that wicked smile touched his lips. “Yes,” he replied, opening his eyes. The dark eyeliner he was wearing tonight made him seem dangerous. The idea made me smile. Krit was so far from dangerous. “Now that’s cleared up, can I play with my girl’s p-ssy?” he asked, unsnapping my jeans and slipping his hand inside the front of my panties.
I was going to let him. I knew what he wanted, and with thoughts of Jason in my head, I knew I needed it too. He would drive them away.
The back door swung open and light surrounded us. “Put your damn dick away. Everyone’s waiting on you for sound check. Then we need to warm up. Hey, Jess,” Green said.
“F*ck,” Krit groaned, looking up at me. “Did I get you wet? Are you gonna be left achy?”
“Damn, dude, whisper that shit,” Green said from the door.
Krit glared over at him. “Then shut the damn door,” he called back.
“If I shut the door, you’ll finish what you started,” Green argued.
“If she f*cking needs me to, I’ll finish it right now with the damn door open,” Krit replied.
I moved his hand and started buttoning my jeans back up before they got any louder talking about my needs. “I’m good. I promise. Later,” I told him, and kissed him.
“Break? Come back to the storage room,” he said.
I nodded.
“I f*cking hate you,” Green swore as he held open the door.
“Hey, Green,” I finally said.
Krit kept me close to his side as we walked into the bar. “Rock’s already out there. I saw him earlier,” he told me. I nodded and headed to find my cousin.
JASON
This was a bad idea. It had been three months. I had thought I was over it. Over her. When the guys wanted to come stay at Jax’s beach house, I’d said sure. Why not? It was just a weekend. Then they’d all insisted we go to the local bar to hear the band. Someone had told them how good the band was, and they wanted to check it out. There was a good chance she wouldn’t even be here.
I was overreacting. It wasn’t like she had come to the bar all the time when I’d spent time with her. Hensley opened the door and Finn walked on in. Hensley followed him, and I stood there wondering if I went back to the limo if anyone would notice. Finn was already tipsy, and Hensley wasn’t far behind him.
I stood there as the door closed and tried to convince myself to walk inside. The door opened again and Hensley looked at me. “Come on,” he ordered.
Telling him it was about Jess wouldn’t be good. They thought that was over and done. If they knew I couldn’t get her out of my head, they would never let me live it down. I would have to hear them say her name all the time and talk about her body, and I couldn’t deal with that shit. I had enough going on internally.
I followed them to the bar, which was the last place Finn needed to be. I wanted to scan the place for her, but then what if I found her? What did I do? Did I speak to her, or would she want to ignore me?
“Heard this band is fantastic. They played at a bar in New Orleans when Cash was there last spring. He got their CD and shit,” Finn said as the bartender handed him a shot of tequila. It was too early for him to be doing shots.
“Hey, the hottie you brought to New York, she’s fair game now, right? I mean, since you’re dating Star?”
I tensed up. Had he seen her, or was he just looking for her? I turned to look at Hensley. “She’s off-limits,” I said. “Why?”
Hensley frowned. “You’re dating a f*cking celebrity. Why the hell is she off-limits?”
“I’m not dating Star. She’s a friend. She’s Jax’s friend. Do you see Jess?” I turned, giving in and looking out into the crowd.
“Who?” Hensley asked.
I clenched my teeth. “The girl I brought to New York. Her name is Jess.”
“Oh yeah, she’s right . . .” He pointed, then stopped. “Whoa.”
I followed his gaze past the area where her cousin and friends were last time, to the wall over by the stage. A guy with white-blond hair sticking straight up and covered in tattoos had her head in his hand and his mouth locked on hers.
“F*ck, is that guy with the band?” Finn asked. “Oh wait, he’s f*cking that chick from New York’s face. Wait, I’m confused,” Finn slurred as he set the empty shot glass down.
“Guess she’s taken, Hensley said. “I’m not about to mess with that. The dude looks rough.” He turned back to the bartender and picked up his beer.
“You guys know Jess?” the bartender asked, and I turned to look at him. My throat was so damn tight all I could do was nod. I wasn’t sure I could speak just yet. I hadn’t seen her since she got on the jet in New York. I’d let her go. It had been for the best. I just hadn’t expected to see her like this.
“She’s Krit’s girl,” the bartender said, as if that answered all the questions in the universe.
“Who?” Finn asked, still looking confused.
“The lead singer of Jackdown, Krit. Jess is his.”
I turned back around to see Krit take the stage. He was shirtless, and his body was covered in tattoos. His jeans hung on his hips, and he was wearing eyeliner . . . and nail polish. Really? She was dating that?
“Jess doesn’t have a type, does she?” Hensley said from beside me.
I searched for her and found her just as she reached a table where Rock, Dewayne, Preston, and Amanda sat. I could ignore them, but one of them was bound to see me. Did that matter? Would Jess even want me to come over there? Maybe she would want me to ignore her.
As if she could sense my stare, she lifted her eyes and her gaze locked with mine. Her body went completely still. She didn’t smile like everything was forgotten. She didn’t move like it was no big deal. Instead she stayed completely frozen as she stared at me. She even blinked rapidly, as if she was in some sort of daze she was trying to snap out of.
F*ck. I was screwed.
“She sees you, dude. Might as well go say hello,” Hensley said, stating the obvious.
I forced my legs to move and started making my way over to her. She seemed to snap out of her trance, and she looked away from me. I could see her mouth move even though she wasn’t looking at anyone exclusively. Apparently, it had been the entire table, because all their gazes turned to zero in on me.
Rock started to stand up and Jess grabbed his arm and said something to him. Then she moved around the table and made her way toward me. She didn’t want me near her friends, so I stopped.
“She’s coming to us,” Finn said, leaning against the bar.
“Me, she’s coming to me,” I corrected him. “Stay here,” I said before walking toward her. I didn’t want those two listening to us.
She stopped a few feet away from me. I didn’t want her that far away. All those emotions she had evoked in me and scared me with roared to life. I had missed her. I knew I had missed her, but seeing her made it all the more real. “Hey,” I said.
She gave me a small smile. “Hey.” Then she glanced up at the stage. The band had started playing, but I wasn’t paying attention to them. She’d been all I could focus on.
“How are you?” I asked, wanting to hear her voice.
“Good, and you?”
I could lie and say good. It would be easier if I did lie. For both of us. “Miss you,” I said instead.
She tensed and her gaze shifted to the stage again. Did she love him? F*ck, just thinking that hurt like hell.
“I saw you with him,” I told her.
She moved her gaze back to mine. “Oh” was all she said.
“You look happy.” I was reaching. It was wrong and I should let this go, but I couldn’t.
She started to say something, then closed her mouth and shook her head. “No. I’m not going to do this with you. I’m not ready yet. I thought maybe I was, but I’m not,” she said, then turned to walk away. That was the reaction I wanted. Something to tell me she still gave a shit.
“Wait,” I said, reaching for her arm.
She stopped and looked down at my hand wrapped around her arm, then back at me. “What do you want from me?” she asked, looking defeated. I hated that. I didn’t want to hurt her. I didn’t want to make her sad. I just wanted her.
“Can we go outside and talk?” I asked.
She looked back at the stage and I followed her gaze. The guy was singing, but his entire focus was on Jess. “I think he loves me. He hasn’t said it, but he treats me like no one ever has. He acts like he can’t live without me, and he never makes me feel unworthy or not good enough.” She looked back at me. “I’m enough for him. Don’t mess it up for me. Because I’d hurt him for you. And in the end you’d hurt me.”
She pulled her arm free and walked away. I let her go this time. I stood there as she walked past her friends at the table and to the stage. Then she opened the back door and disappeared. Krit left the band to finish without him as he hurried off the stage.
He was willing to put her first. I never had been. He made her feel special, and I hadn’t. He wore eyeliner and had more piercings than one human should, but he knew what he had and he wasn’t willing to lose her.
Problem was, she had said she would hurt him for me. It was me she wanted.
How the hell was I supposed to walk away from that?