chapter 20
Outside, it was darker than I’d anticipated, and when I climbed out of Chloe’s passenger seat, I noticed that the sequins and sparkles on my crutches weren’t exactly subtle. I wished I had a cane. Hm … something cute. Maybe rosewood?
“Tessa, are you coming?” Chloe whispered harshly from behind her car. Right.
I tossed one crutch into the backseat and used the other to lean on for my bad ankle. Running would be impossible, but at this point, they already knew we were spies. How much escaping would I really have to do?
“I have the equipment,” Chloe said before zipping closed a black backpack and putting it over her shoulders. “Did we want to record or just do reconnaissance?”
“No recording. This is personal.”
My face stung. I’d just kissed Joel the other night. And it had been … nice. He was nice. I had to believe this was a setup, just like all the other times I’d suspected my boyfriends of things. I wouldn’t be so naive this time. I would get proof.
“Let’s go.” I limped ahead, careful to stick to the darkened, out-of-bounds area of the field. My entire body was humming with adrenaline. I’d find out the truth tonight, and then I could focus on what was left of my high school career.
When we paused just outside the door, I reached to pull down my black cap, tucking my hair underneath. It wasn’t exactly necessary, but it made me feel a little more professional to dress the part.
Chloe stood next to me, but as I took a loud breath, she touched my arm. “I can do this alone.”
I looked sideways, meeting her carefully lined brown eyes. Chef Boyardee! She really did want to help. I sort of felt like a heel for being so mean to her these past few weeks. But it also made me think of something else.
“Do you think people can change?” I asked her suddenly. Because it was clear to me now that this wasn’t the same girl that had attacked me last year.
She dropped her arm and stepped back, seeming to think about it. Then she looked at me. “Yeah. I do. Is this about me … or Aiden?”
I smiled and glanced toward the grass. “I guess it’s about Aiden.”
“Can I tell you something?”
Uh-oh. Never a good start to a question. “Sure.”
“Aiden’s a good guy.” She pressed her lips together, looking nostalgic. “In fact, he’s the perfect guy. For you. You may not care what I think, but I’m saying this from a place of cynicism. Aiden has tried to move on—I read his e-mails, too.”
I snorted. “You really have to stop doing that.”
“I will. But the point is, he couldn’t move on. You should see his draft folder. All messages to you. All saying he’s sorry. All saying he misses you. It’s a little Pathetic Wholesale Club in there. A bit of a turnoff.”
“Aiden sends me e-mails,” I said. “I know that he’s sorry.” I tried to sound matter-of-fact, but I just sounded sad. It made me melancholy to think of Aiden spending so much time on the internet torturing himself.
“He sends you some,” she agreed. “But what you haven’t seen is what he does when you’re not around. He told Mary—very politely, if that helps—that he was in love with you and would spend his life trying to win you back. He threatened nearly every guy in school that if they tried to hurt you in any way, he and his college buddies would make a stop in Redmond to kick some ass. He’s transferring schools because he’s hoping you’ll go to U of O and be closer to him.” Chloe threw back her head and laughed, a deep throaty sound. “He even made you a freaking presentation!”
“A what?”
“Presentation! The Top Ten reason why Tessa Crimson should go out with me.”
“That’s how he got me to date him in the first place!” Just thinking about that moment during my freshman year made tears spring to my eyes. He had gotten up onstage in front of everyone at the assembly, and instead of giving a speech on recycling, he recited the ‘Top Ten Reasons Tessa Crimson Should Go Out with Me.’ He had handouts.” I covered my mouth, not sure whether I wanted to cry or laugh.
“Yeah?” Chloe raised an eyebrow. “Romantic. Anyway, it was probably one of the stupidest things I’ve ever read—I mean, seriously? You’re like a ball of sunshine? How is that a reason to date?” She waved her hand. “So here’s my unsolicited advice: Even if Joel didn’t rat you out. Even if he’s the nicest guy you’ve ever met. He didn’t write you an effing presentation, and he certainly isn’t ruining his life for you. You belong with Aiden. And trust me, a good boy is hard to find.”
I stood there in disbelief. Did Chloe just read me the riot act? Did she just shrink my entire dilemma down to one simplified paragraph of dialogue? How did she get so dang good at spying and relationship advice?
“Crap!” Chloe grabbed my arm and pulled me sideways around the corner, backing us up against the wall. I nearly dropped my crutch!
“What—”
“Shhh …” Just then I heard the sound of male voices close by. I held my breath and pushed my back against the brick. It was time.
The locks of the field house door clicked as it opened. To avoid being seen, Chloe and I slunk around the back of the building, just as the inside lights flicked on. We found the window near the showers, and luckily it was still ajar.
“You first,” Chloe said. I looked back at her with my lip curled. She rolled her eyes. “Because I can give you a boost. You have a broken bone, remember?”
“Of course.” She had me there. There was rustling inside, what sounded like a chair screeching across the floor, and I knew that the coast in the shower room was clear.
Carefully, Chloe bent her knee so that I could stand on it with my good foot. When I got up high enough, I peered in. Perfectly empty. On my belly, I slid into the room, taking special precautions not to injure my foot as I climbed through. My crutch would have to wait outside.
Once in the shower stall, I moved aside and watched as Chloe pulled herself up through the window. She was amazingly athletic. I was a bit in awe of her.
She checked her watch and then pointed to the first stall closest to the door. I nodded. Gingerly stepping on my boot, I limped with her to take cover and set up surveillance. The shower-room door was open just enough for us to peek out into the main area.
And I saw him. Joel was sitting on the bench, his elbows on his knees as he leaned forward and listened. Blaze was swinging his arms animatedly, cursing about how “one of his boys” had just gotten caught cheating. I reset my stance—just because Joel was here now didn’t mean that this was all his doing. Everyone knew about us; so it wasn’t like we were a secret.
Joel exhaled heavily. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Blaze. How about you guys stop cheating?”
“F*ck you, man. How about you tell your little girlfriend to stop spying?”
Joel smiled as if he were fondly thinking of me. “I have. She’s nothing if not stubborn.”
He really was too sweet. I could feel Chloe shifting next to me to get a better look. I noticed for the first time that she smelled like vanilla, and it wasn’t unpleasant. Somehow I had expected brimstone.
“She’s a pain in the ass,” Blaze said.
“Watch it.” Joel stood up, and I felt a new surge of attraction for him. See! He was defending my honor. He didn’t give us up.
Blaze put up his hands apologetically. “Sorry. It’s just … man, we had them. I thought this shit was done. I thought you were going to take care of it?”
My stomach hit the floor.
“Look,” Joel said, “I didn’t do this so that you guys can just go on cheating! I did it because it was unethical.”
Blaze snorted. “Ethics? Come on, man.”
Joel shook his head and looked around the room. But when his eyes touched on the shower-room door, I gasped and moved quickly out of the way. Ginger snaps! Did he see me?
Chloe grasped my arm as we both stood with our backs to the tiled shower wall. I could feel her trembling. I guess she was human after all.
“You okay?” she mouthed.
Okay? It hit me. It was true. Joel had been the one that told Blaze and the football team about us. He was the reason my high school career had fallen apart. I thought he … well, I thought he liked me.
Ethics? SOS was trying to instill morality at our school. We were helping fight crimes of the heart! My hurt suddenly turned to anger. I was going to talk very sternly with him the moment I got—
“Why don’t you go ahead and take off?” I heard Joel say. I took the chance and peeked back through the doorway. He was talking to Blaze.
“Yeah, whatever. Just remember, those bitches were wrong. Not us.”
Joel’s jaw clenched, and he turned his back on Blaze and sat back down on the bench, once again resting his elbows on his knees. It seemed that Mr. Fletcher had bitten off more than he could chew with his stupid, deceptive mouth. Oo … I was so ticked.
I waited as Blaze stormed out, still cursing under his breath. The minute the main door closed, Joel sniffled and sat up. “Hi, Tessa.”
For a second I froze, not sure if I should answer. I was … spying, after all. Chloe pushed me, and I catapulted forward, catching the door to stop from falling on my face. When I looked back, she shrugged.
“Believe me,” she said, “you’ll thank me for that later.”
“Still rude.” I watched as she made her way back through the shower room and hiked herself up and out the window. When her sneaker was out of sight, I turned to Joel as he stared at me. We were alone.
“Do you hate me?” he asked.
“Maybe.” He looked so distraught. His usually adorable hair was a bit too shaggy, his clothes were wrinkled as if he’d thrown them on at the last minute. His face was pale.
He smiled sadly. “I wanted to tell you,” he said. “But after you broke your ankle … I just chickened out.”
“You do that a lot.”
Joel laughed and then sighed heavily. “I didn’t mean for it to go down like this. I just figured if they knew who you were, you’d stop spying. They’d stop cheating. You know, delusional optimism.” He paused. “I told you about my parents, about how cheating had destroyed them both. I didn’t want to watch the cycle repeat itself—the cheating and the catching. The revenge. It’s not right, Tessa. You shouldn’t spy on people.”
“Joel, every guy we’ve ever investigated ended up with a confirmed cheat. There’s not much optimism in that.” I already felt my anger fading. In a way, I appreciated his glass-half-full outlook on life. But he hadn’t seen the things we had. He didn’t know that the cheating never went away.
I limped forward and sat next to him on the bench, both of us staring ahead.
“How did you find out, anyway?” I asked. “Kira?”
He shook his head. “Naw. It really didn’t take a genius—granted there are no geniuses on this football team. Basically, when I heard about SOS last month … I knew. You and Kira both disappearing all the time. Unreachable. There’s only so much practicing one squad can do. I put two and two together. After that, all I had to do was get a quick peek at your phone. From there, I got your account, the forms, the list. All of it.”
“You’re too smart.” I smiled, still looking ahead. I should have known that someone would eventually figure it out. We’d been sloppy with our cover stories lately. And it didn’t help that Joel had dated both Kira and me. He had really gotten a good glimpse into the squad.
He exhaled roughly. “Then I went to Blaze, gave him the information I’d gathered. I didn’t know he was going to set you up like that. Please believe I would have never put you in that situation.” He reached out to touch my hand, and I looked down at it. This was all just so sad. Such a tragic misunderstanding—almost like a Shakesperarean play. Well, except that nobody killed themselves. Or ruined a kingdom or anything.
“I believe you,” I said.
“So what do we do now?” he asked. “I messed up pretty bad, and I tried, but I can’t seem to fix it. The guys want your head on a platter.”
I gasped.
“Figuratively,” he said quickly. I blew out a relieved breath and looked at him.
“You don’t have to do anything, Joel. The Smitten Kittens already have a plan—starting with the cheer for the big game. We’ll get it figured out.” A lump began to form in my throat. I could feel the mood changing as I chewed on my lip.
“Shit. You’re breaking up with me, aren’t you?” He tried to smile, but his hazel eyes were glassing over. “I just got you, and I’m already losing you.”
I fought back the tears that were starting to fall and leaned over to hug him. He squeezed me, resting his face in my hair. He still felt good. It still felt like it could work. Maybe I should forgive him.
Still holding me, he leaned close to my ear. “Although I think we both know you were never really going to be mine.” I squeezed my eyes shut, wanting to deny it, but I didn’t.
Joel and I stayed like that for a while until I pulled back and wiped at my face. “I’m sorry we didn’t work out,” I said truthfully. “Despite this,” I waved my arms around, “you’re a super guy.”
“And you’re a tough girl to hold on to. Never could get close enough.”
His words rang true in my head. There was always something keeping me from him. I used to think it was Kira. Or Aiden. But it was me. I never fully committed to our routine.
“Do you hate me?” he asked, reaching over to wipe one last tear from my cheek.
I looked into my lap and then at him. “No. I think I’m big on forgiveness lately.”
“Good girl.” Joel leaned forward and ever-so-gently kissed my lips. Just a peck. A completely sweet, caring movement.
I smiled as he pulled back. “Thank you.”
And with that, I slowly stood up, my crutch still somewhere in the grass outside. I limped toward the main door, and Joel raced ahead, pulling it open for me. I nodded at him.
“Least I could do.” He was still so charming.
When we got outside, I let him walk me around the building to where my crutch sparkled from the ground. When Joel bent down to pick it up, I cleared my throat.
“You know that Leona is going to want to kick your rear, right?”
He chuckled. “Yep. Been practicing my self-defense techniques.”
“Well,” I steadied myself and began moving forward. “I think she and Chris have made up so you may get a reprieve.”
“Ah … a last minute pardon.”
“Possibly.”
Joel walked me all the way across the field to where Chloe was leaning on her car, watching us. “You’re still alive,” she said to Joel when we approached.
“So are you.”
“Touché.” Chloe smirked at me and then walked to get in the driver’s seat. Joel opened the back door and put my crutch in there for me.
“Miss Crimson,” he said, motioning toward the passenger door, “I guess I’ll see you around then.” Joel stared at me, some color returning to his cheeks from the cool air, his eyes no longer glassy but still sad. I did care about him. I honestly did. But I think we both knew it wasn’t in the way he wanted me to. I’d never love him.
“Good night, Joel.” And I got in the car.
From: Kira Reynolds <[email protected]>
To: Tessa Crimson <[email protected]>
Sent: Tues, October 15, 11:36 PM
Subject: WTH!
Tessa, did you just seriously break up with Joel? It’s all over the IMs! What is going on?
Did you do this for me?
Call me!
Kira
P.S. I’ve been working with the squad, and I think we have your routine nailed shut. It looks great.