chapter 16
I decided to put off calling Aiden a while longer while I contemplated what to say. But when the doorbell rang fifteen minutes later, I nearly dropped the lid of the saucepan. My parents had called to say they were on their way back to town from Portland. Since things had been stressful around here lately, I decided to make them a spectacular dinner—one that Joel was invited to.
It was the best way to bridge my two lives and start anew. Once my dad saw how great Joel was for me, he’d accept him into the family, just like he’d accepted Aiden. It would be so happily ever after.
When I opened the door, Joel was standing there looking dapper. His hair was perfectly styled, and he was wearing a button-down green shirt that made the hazel of his eyes look greener. He looked delicious.
“Hi,” I said.
He grinned. “You like?” He held out his hands and spun around slowing.
“Showing off?”
He pinched his fingers together. “A little.”
“As long as you realize.” I turned and crutched over to the stove, a smile firmly planted on my lips. Stirring the sauce, I thought about how nice this was, the smell of food, a good boy, no bad memories trying to ruin my fun time.
Leona had called back to say that Izzie’s doctor had started her on a regimen of mild antidepressants and therapy. After that, her mother apparently marched her downtown to see Maurice, and he gave her the most adorable bob ever. A chic haircut and therapy can do amazing things for a person. I planned to stop by her house tomorrow with flowers of my own.
“So school’s been terribly boring without cheerleaders,” Joel said. “It’s … quieter.”
I looked over at him and held out a wood cutting board. “You want to help?”
“Of course.” But then he pretended to sigh loudly when he took the board from me. I had Joel chop up all the garlic for the bread (because, really, I didn’t want the smell on my hands all night) and then he even cut up some tomatoes for the salad.
We were happily cooking together—like a real couple—when the front door opened. “Hi!” I said, holding up the wooden spoon as I waved.
My father paused, wheeling his suitcase in behind him. He looked from me to Joel, and his eyes narrowed behind his glasses. “Hello, honey,” he said to me. “Joel.” He moved away before Joel could answer.
It was so weird! My dad was not a rude person. I mean, he lived with me! We’d discussed at length the importance of being polite!
I glanced over at Joel and mouthed an apology. He shrugged as if it were no big deal, but I was embarrassed.
“Oh!” my mother said, shaking her head quickly in a gesture of surprise. “I didn’t know we were having company.” She smiled at Joel. “How are you, honey?”
“Very good, Mrs. Crimson.”
See! My mom was candy-apple sweet. What was up with my father? “Excuse me,” I said and crutched my way to my parent’s back bedroom.
The door was opened, and my father had his suitcase on the bed while he took his clothes from it and shook them out. He looked up when I knocked.
“Hey, sweetheart,” he said. His glasses were on the nightstand, and his eyes looked tired. They’d been traveling a lot lately.
“Explain.”
He smiled a little but returned to his unpacking. “Not sure what you mean, Tess.”
“Dad,” I said in warning. “You’re being mean to Joel.”
“I wouldn’t say ‘mean.’”
“Then what would you say?”
He paused and turned to face me. “Cautious. Which is how you should be.”
I furrowed my brow. “Cautious of what?”
“New boys. Honey, just because Aiden is away at college, doesn’t mean you have to start dating someone. I don’t feel like you’re giving yourself time to heal.”
Little prickles of anger started to race up my spine. “Aiden’s not just away at college. We’re broken up. He did something awful, and I’m done dwelling on it. I’ve moved on, and I’m dating Joel—”
“You two are dating now?” My father looked really concerned. He sat down at the edge of the bed and rested his elbows on his knees. “So soon?” He seemed shocked.
I hobbled in and set my crutches aside as I took the spot next to him on the lavender comforter. “I like him, Dad.” In a way, I appreciated my father’s worry. But it wasn’t helping me move on. And that was what I desperately needed right now.
My father stared at the floor and then glanced sideways at me. “I miss Aiden,” he said with a smile. “So I can only imagine how you feel.”
“We should start a club.”
“Your mother will join, too.”
My father and I sat there quietly, both missing my ex-boyfriend (sort of weird but understandable). I considered telling him that Aiden was to blame for outing SOS, but it just didn’t seem right. In a way, I didn’t want him to hate Aiden.
My mom called out from the kitchen for us to come eat dinner, and I took in a heavy breath, trying to compose myself.
“What if he comes back for you?” my father asked as he stood up, steadying my crutches for me.
“He’s not coming back,” I said. “Not ever.”
My father nodded, but when I was standing, he reached over to put his hand on my shoulder. “I’m not sure what’s really going on,” he said, narrowing his eyes. “But I’m only telling you this because I love and trust you. People make mistakes. I made mistakes. But your mom forgave me—and look what a beautiful life we’ve had together. Sometimes forgiveness is the truest test of love.”
I was overwhelmed with emotion as he dropped his arm and started walking toward the door. Aiden had forgiven me for spying, but I’d never returned it. Was I the one that didn’t love enough? I looked toward the door, longing for a time when Aiden was the one out in the kitchen setting the table with my mother.
But then I thought about what Chloe said about Aiden turning us over so that he could get back at me. And I thought about Mary Rudick, and how he had touched her. How he lied.
“I’m sorry, Dad,” I said quietly, pushing away all of my feelings. “But some things can’t be forgiven.” I didn’t look at him as I crutched past and out into the hallway. I moved quickly (or as quickly as I could) into the kitchen and took my seat across from Joel, where Aiden used to sit, and forced a smile.
This was my new life—everything I needed and more. And now that we’d discovered the traitor and set Izzie back on a healthy course, the only thing left to focus on was ESPN. We would rock that cheer! Sure, the school hated us, but nothing fought animosity like school spirit.
I reached for the glass salad bowl, the beginning of a cheer already coming to me. If there was one thing that had gotten me through tough times in the past, it was cheerleading.
And this new cheer was brilliant—total handicap accessible for me. Global warming! We were going to win back Washington High with the best routine they’d ever seen. I squeaked with excitement.
“You’re suddenly very smiley?” Joel said from across the table. I looked up at him, ignoring my father’s cough at the end of the table.
“That’s because I just formulated a plan.”
“Oh, God,” my father murmured before taking a sip of his iced tea.
I ignored my father and keyed into the curious expression on Joel’s face. “I know how to turn the school back to our side of the field,” I said.
“Really?” Joel was grinning from ear to ear and set down his fork. “I’ll admit, I’m both terrified and curious.”
My mother laughed. I stared at Joel, a mixture of attraction and hope blending in my stomach. He was a good person to stand with me on the sidelines. He was just good.
“Tessa,” my father said. “Please don’t hurt yourself. Well, again.” He motioned toward my crutches leaning behind me on the wall.
I rolled my eyes at him. “I’ll be careful.” He nodded, looking worried, and I appreciated that. In fact, I wasn’t even mad at him for being wary of Joel anymore. He was just trying to look out for me, and that was very parental of him.
I glanced around the table, everyone anxious to hear about my plan, and I thanked my lucky, twinkling stars that I had such a great support group.
Things were strawberry smooth—things were good.
My father and Joel didn’t say more than, “Can you pass the garlic bread?” at dinner, but they didn’t argue either. So I guess it was just a small step in the new formation. I was crutching Joel out to his car when he reached over and put his hand on mine. I stopped and turned to him. Maybe he forgot something?
“You really think a routine is going to solve everything?” His head was slightly tilted as if he were asking honestly, out of concern.
I smiled. “I do.” In the crisp night air with the fallen leaves all around us on the driveway, I felt like I was in the middle of a romance novel. Everything was in its place. It made sense.
He let go of my hand and walked to stand in front of me—close. My breath sort of held in my chest, nervousness turning in my belly. He moved even closer.
“Thank you for having me over tonight, Tessa.” Joel’s hazel eyes glanced at my lips as he quickly licked his.
I just nodded. I wasn’t sure I could speak. It had gotten really cold outside. I wrapped my arms over my chest.
He smiled at my nonresponse. “I’m going to kiss you,” he murmured. “In, like, three seconds, I’m going to lean down and finally kiss you.”
“Okay.” He was incredibly sweet. And the awkward way he was standing so close to me with his fingers seeming unsure how to reach out for me—those were the things I liked. The naturalness of him.
My eyelids fluttered as tingles raced through my body. He was so handsome. So gentle.
“One,” he breathed. “Two.”
I closed my eyes and accepted him. His new taste, feel. I tried to memorize it so that I could replace all of the other feelings I had.
I tried.
OVERNIGHT SHIPPING
Tess,
Here’s your phone. Strangest thing happened. I decided to get myself one of these nifty devices. So I programmed my new number in your phone book, just in case you needed to get a hold of me. Hope you don’t mind.
A