Chapter 21
“I’m crazy,” I stated as Anne sat down in the chair next to my bed. “I don’t deserve him.”
Jericho and Reece were downstairs and I felt guilty for putting a stain on an otherwise wonderful day.
“That’s the great thing about love,” Anne said. She put her hand on my arm and squeezed lightly. “When it’s real, it’s extended freely and felt unconditionally.”
“What’s wrong with me?” I cried. “I shouldn’t be this confused. When I’m with Reece it feels right and when I’m with him it also feels right. There is someone else to consider, too. It’s not supposed to be this way.”
“By him you mean Haven? By someone else you mean Amber?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t have the answers,” Anne said wistfully. “But I will leave you with two things to ponder…As long as you’re straightforward with Amber, that’s the important thing. Secrets destroy relationships. As for the two young men, can you be with one and miss the other? If so, that’s unfair to both of them. You will have to make this decision for yourself.”
“I wish one of them would make it for me.”
Anne’s soft laughter filled the air. “That would be too easy wouldn’t it? Love is not that way, as you and I are both well aware. And maybe it shouldn’t be. If love were easy, it wouldn’t be appreciated.”
She stood but turned to look at me. “Let it happen naturally and without pressure. Don’t love out of obligation. Be fair to them and to yourself.”
All I knew about love was that pain was an accompaniment and the more I loved, the more I would lose. I didn’t think I was that strong.
My hand rested on the banister and I could hear them in the living room. I made my descent and saw Reece resting against the doorway. His arms were folded and his eyes settled on me as his hair fanned across his forehead. Like before, I felt chagrin warming my cheeks. I stopped two stairs short. I summoned a smile and watched his face soften, although he didn’t smile back. Feeling conspicuous, I covered the ring with my other hand. This action brought a smirk to Reece’s lips and I could see him draw in a breath of air. He pushed away from the wall and approached me. We were eye to eye and I felt myself starting to back up a stair but Reece inclined his head slightly to the left and his eyes were so piercing I knew he was telling me not to. I stayed put.
“You first,” he challenged.
I hesitated, not knowing how I could explain myself. “I think you deserve better than what I can offer you.”
“Bullshit,” Reece spat. “I know what makes me happy, I know what I want.”
“You don’t know me, not really,” I protested softly.
Reece sighed. “That’s the thing Willow; let me get to know you. Isn’t that the point of going out?”
I rolled my eyes, more at myself than him. He was right. “I don’t know what I want. I’m really confused right now.”
“Getting to know people instead of pushing them away is one way to figure that out, don’t you think?”
How could I argue when what he was saying was true?
“What about Amber?”
“What about Amber?” Reece echoed. “She is incredible and I love that girl, but I’m interested in you.”
“What if I’m drawn to two people at the same time?” I dropped my eyes in shame. Thinking it was bad enough, saying the words out loud made me cringe. When Reece didn’t answer I raised my eyes through the fringe of my lashes to see his gaze narrow. His jaw was tight but his eyes were thoughtful.
“Are you challenging me?” He asked. “Because I live for it.”
“I’m not worth it…” I murmured. “You deserve better than to be someone’s...option.”
I felt myself cringe even more but Reece didn’t seem to be affected at all.
“I get it. I do,” he said. “There is more than one trying to win your heart and that can be intoxicating. Part of you is able to feel comfortable with both of us but remember what’s at stake. There are consequences either way.”
Those consequences affect more than just one person.
“I have no discernment,” I complained. “My thoughts are confounded. I never wanted this kind of uncertainty in my life. ”
Reece lowered his voice. “I think part of your attraction to him is the draw of the unknown, of being different, even special. He is so out of the ordinary that you feel pulled to that because you yourself are not so ordinary. You’re alone. You have Anne but you lack parental guidance and sometimes the pain of so much loss is written across your face. You wear it like an adornment and that causes other people to wonder about you. Other people, our peers especially, can’t relate to you and what you’ve been through, but you can relate to him in his dark state.”
Reece shook his head and sighed, as if the weight of the world were on his shoulders.
If love was so pure, why was it so burdensome? I raised my arm and ran my fingers through his rich brown hair. For the first time I pulled him close to me. His arms went around my waist and I brought my other arm up to his shoulder. I turned to whisper in his ear.
“Thank you Reece. You see me for what I am and you still care about me.”
He constricted his hold in response. “Always...”