The Battered Heiress Blues

12





I took advantage of the house being empty to coax my nerves into calling him. Tommy had gone to say afternoon Mass at the Catholic Church downtown and then was off to the airport to return to New York. Kate was inevitably at the cottage with Gabe and Mattie. I grabbed some ginger ale and crackers and bedded down in my room to do the deed.

I stared at the phone for a long time deciding whether I would be a coward and leave a message on his home phone or have some guts and call his cell. I opted to be a coward, but then couldn’t think of what to say on the message. I rehearsed a few lines, but nothing quite fit the occasion. Telling him to prepare for fatherhood on voice mail just seemed distant and rude. Shoot. I’d have to call him directly.

I picked up the phone and started to dial his cell. Three digits in and I hung up. I walked around the room getting pumped up, telling myself that this was a small thing. I should just wait for him to answer, blurt out the news, and disconnect. I didn’t even feel the need to wait for his response. I’d give him the news quick and dirty.

After pulling out the picture of our tiny peanut, I rubbed my belly, and dialed the number. Ring. Ring. Ring. Answer the phone already. When he did, I heard a woman laughing. I panicked. For once, I was speechless. Her voice was smooth as silk. She had one of those voices that gave me the mental image that I was talking to a supermodel. I hated her already. She was probably skinny; the kind of woman that magically disappears when she turns sideways. I was pale and getting plumper by the day.

“Hello. Henry’s phone.” She laughed over and over again, exaggerating every syllable, like she was on her first date and Tru had just said something hysterical. I could hear his voice too. He echoed her laugh and it made me sick. That wasn’t his real laugh. That’s not the laugh he gives me when I wake up in the morning and my hair is the size of Texas. That’s not the laugh he gives me when I fall off a curb or walk into a door. That’s not his laugh. Who is she and what has she done with my Henry? I absolutely hated her. I didn’t care who she was.

“I said hello. Heeellloooo. I think we have a breather, Henry,” the wench shrilled.

“Give me the phone, Tricia.”

Who the hell was Tricia?

“Hello. This is Henry Truman Walker. Can I help you?”

I covered the mouthpiece with my hand and answered him.

“It’s me. I have great news, Tru.”

“Hello? Who was there, Tricia?”

“We’re having a baby.”

“Hello? Is anyone there?”

“You’re going to be a father.”

“Give me the phone, Henry.”

“I love you. Come home. I’m sorry.”

“Tricia, no”

The line went dead. I slowly placed the phone back in its cradle. I wasn’t prepared for Tricia. I didn’t see it coming. I guess a month is plenty of time for some people to move on. I sat back against my pillows and had a little cry.

The pity party lasted only a brief time. Truly, that type of party loses its appeal when no one else is in attendance. Who was around to care that my eyes were swelling and my cheeks were flushed with anger and rage? Nobody. I just needed a distraction. Maybe the television would provide a voyeuristic view into the life of someone more pathetic than me. Oprah had something smart on. She wouldn’t do. I’d have to hit the hard stuff. There must be some poor loser on television asking themselves that all-important question of “Who is my baby’s daddy?”. I just needed a cable programming fix as a quick pick me up. I wasn’t a loser. I was alone, but not lonely. I’d keep telling myself that until I believed it.

The phone ringing startled me. I hit the mute button on the remote as I reached for the phone. I had the intention of answering it, but Henry’s cell phone number was lighting up the caller ID display. Realizing that he would check his phone for the caller’s number, I should have known he’d ring me back. Our chicken game had ended and he’d won. I called first.

I wasn’t about to answer the phone with Tricia in ear shot, laughing her fake, movie star laugh. He had obviously expedited his get over Jewels plan. He was on a new chapter. I was stuck in the table of contents. If he could move past life with me, then I would do the same. Ring until the ringer can’t ring no more, I thought. For all he knew, Kate had placed the call. Done and done.

I was fighting the urge to retreat within myself again, but I had a pregnancy to nurture. I was a mom. People lose lovers all the time. They get over it. I would too. I flipped the television off, and turning on some soft music, I closed my eyes. A nap was just what the baby and I needed to vanquish the events of the last thirty minutes. I would awake with a better perspective.

“Jewels, wake up?”

I felt a nudge at my arm. I rolled over ignoring the interruption.

“Jewels.”

I rolled back and opened my eyes. Kate was sitting next to me.

“What?”

“Henry said that I called him today, but we both know that’s impossible because I didn’t call him, you called him.”

“No.”

“I didn’t call him so that leaves you. Why didn’t you say anything?”

“I didn’t call.”

“Well, if I didn’t call and you didn’t call, and the call came from this house, then who called?”

“I’m too tired for riddles. Maybe, Tommy. I don’t know. I didn’t call, Kate.”

“You really didn’t call?”

“No matter how many times you ask me, the answer will remain the same. I didn’t call. Is that what you woke me for?”

“-Partially, but not totally. Henry has asked me to fly to New York. I’m leaving tonight… in a few minutes actually.”

“Does Gabe know?”

“Yes.”

“What did he say about you leaving?”

“He didn’t say anything. He didn’t ask me not to go. He didn’t ask me to stay.”

“His saying nothing was saying something. Don’t you get that?”

“- You Americans and your bloody games.”

I ignored the dig and rolled onto my side, facing her, so she could see my disdain.

“Why don’t you invite him to go with you?”

“What about Mattie?”

“Take Mattie with you. He’d love New York. You could do the tourist stuff. I bet he’d get a kick out of the Empire State Building.”

She didn’t answer. Kate measured her words carefully before speaking, while folding the quilt at the end of the bed.

“I’m not ready for Mattie, out in public…”

“What?” She pushed the protective mom button inside me. Mattie wasn’t even my child, but the alarms were going off none the less. I knew the emotional toll that befell Gabe when his wife left. He’d finally gambled on love, at my insistence, and Kate was going to level him in one fail swoop.

“I know that makes me awful, but I’m not ready for the stares and comments. I can’t ask Gabe to go without offering for Mattie to go too.”

“Kathryn Emma Walker. I can’t believe you’re saying this.”

“Anyways, Henry needs me right now, thanks to you, so I wouldn’t have time to socially direct activities for Gabe and Mattie.”

“Don’t put this off on me, Kate.”

“Henry is broken-hearted. Who did that?”

“He did.”

“Whatever. I still have to go pick up the pieces, it would seem.”

“Henry’s doing just fine, believe me.”

“How would you know?”

“I wouldn’t know because I haven’t spoken to him, but I imagine he’s moved on to the next best thing.”

“Yes. He’s a lot like you.”

“Oh…he’s fine. Trust me.”

“He will be fine, Julia.”

“Oh, I know.”

Under her breath, Kate responded, “No thanks to you.”

“No thanks to me?”

She got up and walked to the door, grabbing a few final toiletries off the dresser, and shoving them into her carry on bag.

“Okay, so I’ll be back in a week or two.”

“Take your time. In fact, feel free to linger in New York for several months. Don’t rush back.”

“I won’t,” she said angrily.

“Good,” I responded, not to be outdone.

“Good,” she replied as she made her way to the door.

“Goodbye,” I screamed in the harshest tone I could muster.

“Goodbye. And by the way, I’m taking my grandmother’s ring from the kitchen table; seeing as you don’t care to wear it.”

Kate stomped her way down the steps, mad. Her embarrassment of Mattie really ticked me off. She didn’t deserve either of them. They were a package deal. I yelled after her, hoping she would hear.

“Jerk.”

She heard.

“Crazy,” she hollered back.

Kate had the last word. With that, the front door slammed shut. The bed and breakfast was officially closed. I expected to get an immediate call from Gabe, but he never phoned. He must have been off licking his wounds.

The next couple of weeks were productive. I had made some connections at the legal aid clinic downtown and introduced myself to some local charities. Nothing says welcome like money and people seemed to want mine.

Before I knew it, I was in my eighteenth week of pregnancy. Tommy had called almost daily to do his phone check-up. He still prodded me about calling Henry, despite knowing about his involvement with Tricia, but I had made peace with raising the baby on my own. I also knew that Henry was Henry. As much as I wanted to never see him again, he would insist on being a part of the baby’s life. He was destined to make a lousy husband, but maybe a better father. I would have to warm up to the idea of seeing him without seeing him. That would take time.

Weeks had passed and Gabe orchestrated his movements to avoid me altogether. I couldn’t take the silent treatment from him anymore. I missed Mattie too much to let Kate ruin our new friendship. Seeing them from my windows, pile in and out of the car, without conversing, was becoming ridiculous.

I knew that we had a hard conversation ahead of us. Our words would undoubtedly turn to analyzing Kate’s motives. What he didn’t realize was that I would be as equally disadvantaged as him. Speaking as someone with a track record for being spontaneous and irrational, Kate was even more over the top than me. Her likes and dislikes had the potential to change daily. I’m only surprised that she had invested so much time into Gabe and his family if leaving was going to be her final act.

I started becoming a stalker, watching for an opportunity to initiate a truce with him. I saw them heading down to the beach with Mattie’s kite and decided to follow. I had purchased a beach play kit for Mattie and brought it along to surprise him. Nervousness overtook me on the walk. I became afraid that he would blame me for introducing him to Kate. My opinions on the matter had softened over the last couple of weeks. I’d come to realize that not everyone has the coping mechanism to deal with life’s big curve balls. Not too long ago, I was counting bathroom tiles and walking laps throughout the house. Perhaps, that is why God entrusted Mattie to someone like Gabe and not to someone like Kate. Not everyone has the patience and understanding to realize Mattie’s greatness.

Why do people want the world to be filled with only vanilla, when chocolate, strawberry and mango are so much more interesting? Who wants an army of sedate kids that aren’t in any way interesting? I love mango. Mattie was mango.

When I turned down the path to the beach, I could see their kite soaring against the blue sky. Gabe noticed me approaching and didn’t offer a friendly wave. He simply turned back towards the ocean. Unsure of what to do, I decided that I’d obligated myself to continue since he’d already seen me. Moving slowly, I tried to decide the best course of action. Our meeting would be hard no matter when it took place. Leaving would just delay the inevitable. Getting the strained conversation out of the way would be a relief.

I walked up next to Mattie and dropped the beach toys in the sand, kneeling down to hug his neck. He began lining them up, as if doing his usual inventory. I looked back at Gabe and gave him a guarded smile.

“Where have you been hiding?” I cautiously inquired, testing the waters.

He motioned for me to step a few feet from Mattie. I was afraid of what was coming next, especially considering that his words weren’t suitable for Mattie’s ears. I was hoping that he wouldn’t ask me to leave, realizing that I needed all the friends I could get lately. Kate leaving for New York made me keenly aware that I was all alone.

“What’s going on with Kate?”

“Well…straight to it then. I wasn’t expecting the direct approach.”

“She started acting aloof when her brother left. She was different- distant.”

“Kate is different, Gabe.”

“That’s not going to pass for an answer.”

“What are you asking then?”

“What did I do?”

“This may not be so much about you. I think this has a lot more to do with me. Henry and I had a terrible fight.”

“She mentioned that, but what does that have to do with me and her?”

“Henry and Kate are very close. They always have been. She’s upset with me. Her desire wasn’t to get away from you. She just wanted to get as far away from me as possible. You’re simply a victim of location. Knowing Henry, he probably demanded that she go to New York and show some allegiance to him. I don’t know, but make no mistake, Gabe; she’d fall on her sword for Henry every day of the week and twice on Sunday. She may be smitten with you, but she loves her brother more. I don’t mean to be hurtful, and maybe she’ll return in a week and make amends, but it is very hard to tell with Kate. Her free spirit is one of her greatest strengths while at the same time being her most challenging flaw.”

“If I ask you a question, will you answer me honestly?”

“I’ll try.”

Gabe looked serious and sad as if he truly didn’t want the answer.

“Did this have anything, at all, to do with Mattie?”

“Why would you think that?”

Both of our heads turned to watch him as he continued to play. Our eyes locked again, making me uneasy, as he continued with his inquisition. He was irritated with my evasiveness.

“Why are you answering a question with a question?”

“What would you like to hear?”

“The truth would be refreshing.”

“No one wants to hear the truth, Gabe,” I replied, shaking my head.

“Maybe not, but I need to know what I did or didn’t do to warrant her leaving. I’m not at ease around women anymore. I must have done something. I just don’t understand. Things were going so well. I just need to know. I don’t want to continue to repeat the same mistakes.”

I ran my fingers through my hair and gave the ends a yank. I didn’t see the point in relating what Kate had told me. Grown-ups can be a lot like babies who are started on mushy food until they can stomach the real stuff. Kate was eating Hawaiian delight, but someday she’d be ready for steak. She needed time. At certain points in life, our mental facilities need time to catch up to the world’s ideals of what we should be equipped to handle. Telling Gabe would end any chance she’d have to get him back, when she finally came to her senses. I loved Kate. I wouldn’t cut her off at the knees.

“I’m not good at these kinds of talks and I’m absolutely devoid of grace and tact, despite my middle name. Okay. Here it is- the ugly truth. Prepare yourself. I’m not good at bullshit. The quick and painful answer is that Kate cares about you. She cares about Mattie. She just doesn’t care enough. You don’t have enough time in the relationship to warrant the fight. You have one month together challenging a lifetime with her brother. Henry called, and because your relationship is so new, she’s able to cut her losses and move on. You didn’t do anything. Mattie is perfect just as he is. She adored him. This has everything to do with external pressures- one person- namely Henry.”

“Well then he’s not my favorite person anymore.”

“We should form a club,” I smiled.

“This really isn’t about Mattie being different?”

“-Absolutely not.”

“Well, that makes a difference to me. It doesn’t hurt any less, but it makes a difference. Thanks for being honest.”

“I’m sure Kate will come to her senses and be back by Christmas. Just promise me that you won’t let time stand still waiting. You need to have a back up plan just in case she flakes out and returns to London.”

“So do you.”

“That train has already left the station, I assure you. I’ve moved on.”

“You say that like you almost mean it.”

“I do.”

“I’m happy for you and a bit envious.”

“Time heals all things,” I said, encouragingly.

“Not really. The pain just dulls, somewhat.”

I started to walk back toward Mattie, hoping movement would change the subject. I couldn’t continue to be Kate’s cheerleader when I was so upset with her. Gabe was sharp. Eventually, he would crack the façade if I wasn’t on my toes and Kate’s true feelings would spew like vomit from my mouth.

“What would you say about me taking Mattie to his therapy appointments? I mean, if that’s agreeable to you. I’ve missed spending time with him…you too. That big house can get lonely- it needs a kid like Mattie to fill it with the exuberance of youth.”

“That would be fine. He’d love it actually, but sometimes I have to work late or pull a night shift, and I couldn’t be back at a decent hour to pick him up. The church volunteers usually take him home and I get him in the morning. I wouldn’t want to inconvenience you.”

“Don’t be silly. I have ample rooms for guests. Mattie can stay over. You can get him when you get off or just come by in the morning.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, of course. You can even stay at my house with Mattie instead of waking him up, if you’d like.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“When do you want to start taking him?”

“Is tomorrow too soon?”

“No. He goes to horse therapy from 3:00-4:00 PM on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Sensory therapy is Tuesday and Thursday. That seems like a lot for one person to volunteer for.”

“We’ll play it by ear. You can take him on your off days. I’ll share your son with you.”

Gabe laughed. I responded with a chuckle.

“What’s going on with you, Julia? Something is different, but I can’t quite put my finger on it?”

“Can you stop being Sherlock Holmes for even a second? You have an overactive imagination.”

“I don’t think so.”

Thank God I’d brought some old bread for the birds. I reached in my knap sack and pulled out a couple of loaves that had been put in the freezer by the caterers during Connor’s funeral. The birds scurrying around for the tossed bread captured Mattie’s attention. He even looked like he smiled. My make-shift family was pieced back together.