The Battered Heiress Blues

11





Tommy arrived in the evening. We were all gathered outside throwing horseshoes when his rental car stopped by the side of the house. I met him at his door and opened it. He let me have it straight away as he got out.

“What’s going on? You’re acting weird? What’s with the message you left?”

“Could I have a new word, please? -Anything besides weird?” Everyone laughed.

“Hi Kate. It’s great to see you.” Tommy embraced her which left Gabe standing all by himself.

“Kate’s rude. Sorry. Tommy, this is our new friend Gabe. He’s renting the cottage.”

Tommy walked to him and extended his hand.

“Good to meet you Gabe. Has my sister been a good landlord?”

I interrupted. “Landlord-matchmaker…”

“Yes. She’s been a doll.”

“I hate to steal my brother away so soon after his arrival, but I really need to speak with him.”

Kate knew something was up, but couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Tommy wouldn’t have come all this way and have the burden of finding another priest to say his Masses unless something big was happening.

“We’ll catch up with you guys later,” Kate said.

“Nice to meet you, Tommy.”

“You too, Gabe.”

They walked back into the house which left my brother and me alone, standing face to face. He took me by the hand.

“What’s going on?”

“Let’s take a walk. Do you mind?”

“No. -Of course not. Is this about Connor or Henry?”

“-In due time. Let’s walk.”

We started toward the chapel.

“I called him after your odd message.”

“Him who?”

“Henry.”

That piece of information stopped me in my tracks and solicited a punch in the arm for my brother.

“No. Why did you call him?”

“Julia, you have to admit, your message was strange. I was worried and you wouldn’t answer your phone. I figured Henry would know what was going on, but all he said was that you had the fight to end all fights.”

We continued our walk to the chapel, the overhanging trees shading our journey.

“We did. It’s over.”

“You’ve said that before,” he replied in disbelief.

“I mean it this time.”

“Sure.”

I couldn’t pass on the opportunity to know how Henry was doing. I wanted all the news that Kate was keeping from me. Tommy’s allegiance was to me.

“How was he?”

“-A mess. A lot like you.”

We approached the cemetery gate and I pushed it open, holding it for him. He looked puzzled at my new ease with this sacred space.

“I come here now to think and be with Connor.”

“That’s good. -Enough procrastinating. What is all this about?”

We sat down on the bench that faced Connor’s grave.

“I have something that I wanted to tell you in person, but I have to tell you under the seal of the confessional.”

“Julia, you don’t have to go to those lengths. I can keep a promise.”

“Yes, but you’re not bound by that promise.”

“To you, I am. I will keep whatever you tell me in confidence. You have my word. I’m your brother, first.”

I paused to try and think of a way to tell him the news without having to endure his disappointment. He was my brother, but he was still a priest.

“I wanted to tell you this news with the whole family together- all five of us.”

“Four of us.” He loved to correct me.

“No, five of us.”

“Wait. What are you saying?”

“I can’t believe I’m saying it.”

“Julia?”

“God has blessed me with another child.”

“Henry?”

“Yes. I’m not a complete harlot- Henry- who else, you big jerk?”

He sat there quiet, looking straight ahead for a few minutes.

“Say something.”

“I don’t want to say the wrong thing. I’m trying to separate the priest from the brother, which is awfully hard to do. How did this happen?”

“Well… Henry and I…we…kind of…ya know…”

“I don’t mean that, Julia. I’m very well aware of how it physically happened. I mean, how did you let this happen?”

“Honestly Tommy, I didn’t think that this could happen- so soon after Connor. The doctor in Lima said that it would be very difficult for me to get pregnant again. I wasn’t thinking.”

“Obviously.”

“You’re telling me.”

He paused again and I was left staring at his face while he stared at Connor’s headstone. I couldn’t take it anymore. He could yell if he wanted to, but he had to say something and put me out of my misery. Tommy’s opinion was the most important to me. I loved Henry, but Tommy had my best interest at heart- always. There was never an ulterior motive. Tommy had no angle. He was just my little brother. When I was finally about to open my mouth, he responded, grabbing my hand in a show of support.

“What’s done is done. A child is a blessing. Have you told Henry?”

“No. I’m not going to either.”

“Yes you are.”

“No. I’m not.”

“He’s the father. He has a right to know.”

“You promised.”

“I won’t tell him. He won’t hear it from me, but you should do the right thing.”

“Did he tell you what our fight was about?”

“No.”

“He asked me to marry him.”

“That’s wonderful. Isn’t it wonderful?”

“No. It’s not wonderful. He promised to make me a priority, but at the first fork in the road, he left me behind again to go solve one of John’s problems. I can’t have a marriage with Henry and our father. I can’t live like that.”

“I understand.”

“Do you really?”

“I really do. Remember, I lived with the invisible dad- still do. I’ll keep your secret, but at some point, I know you’ll do what is necessary and prudent.”

Tommy hugged me and we sat in silence as I cried.

“Why the tears? This is happy news, right?”

“I feel guilty loving this child. Connor still occupies my heart.”

“Give it time, Julia. Connor wouldn’t want you to be distant from this experience. This is his sibling. He’s still the big brother, even if he’s not physically present. He saved your life, you know. The doctor told Henry that you’d probably be dead if it wasn’t for your pregnancy- the knife would have hit a major organ. Honor that fact. Love the child you have now. It’s not an either/or…don’t put conditions on a gift.”

“You’re right. I know you’re right. Maybe once this sinks in, I’ll feel the attachment.”

“You’ve been to the doctor?”

“I go for my first obstetrician appointment tomorrow.”

“I’m coming.”

“Thanks. I could use the company. I’m nervous.”

“Kate doesn’t know?”

“Be serious. I’d expect her to pick the phone up and call Henry within seconds of hearing the news.”

“She would.”

“I know. -Hence the cloak and dagger routine. She thinks that the doctor’s office lost my blood sample and I’m returning tomorrow to be stuck again.”

“I’ll keep your secret, Julia, but I won’t directly lie for you.”

“Agreed.”

“I’m starving. Let’s drive into town and eat some seafood- just the two of us. I have a lot more questions about the Henry situation.”

We had a pleasant dinner together even though I was required to answer question after question about Henry. He made me promise to consider telling him and I told him that I would. I was thrilled to talk about the happenings at his church on the drive home. I was anxious to hear any news that did not involve me.

We returned to a dark house. Kate must have been with Gabe. She had no embarrassment about staying over, despite Tommy being a priest. She’d be the recipient of the moral virtue lecture in the morning. This wasn’t scoring any points for Gabe.

I said my goodnight and decided to take a shower. Memories of Henry’s naked body against mine made me miss him. There wasn’t a place in this house that alienated me from those kinds of thoughts. We had loved each other in almost every room. Tomorrow, I would see my baby- a memory in the flesh- a reminder of that love.

I was still tired when Tommy’s shuffling through the house woke me. Showering, again, I brushed my teeth, and dressed in preparation for the early morning appointment. Tommy made bacon which surprisingly smelled good to me. I had warned everyone that eggs could no longer be cooked in my house, until further notice. Thankfully, I made it through an entire bacon sandwich without gagging. We grabbed some water and headed out the door.

I wasn’t as nervous this time since Tommy was accompanying me. I’m sure we looked like a pair. He always wore his priestly attire. I felt the need to tell perfect strangers that he was my brother. A person usually doesn’t bring a priest to the obstetrician’s office. He was the object of much staring.

After filling out more paperwork, we were escorted back to Dr. Brandon’s office. I introduced Tommy and gave a limited, technical account of how I lost Connor. He explained the need to monitor me closely and watch for signs of uterine weakness and cervical incompetence. He was also concerned about keeping an eye on my blood pressure. He explained that there may be a need to supplement my own hormone production, but he wouldn’t know for sure until the blood tests came back.

Tommy asked a few brotherly questions about safeguarding my health during the pregnancy. Dr. Brandon and I were anxiously awaiting him to come up for air. He wouldn’t cut off a priest, but I had no problem shutting him down. I dismissed him to the waiting area and the nurse led me to an exam room. I’d have to be cold and uncomfortable this time.

After the internal exam, he performed an ultrasound. I was nine weeks and three days pregnant. The baby resembled Mr. Peanut, but it was the cutest thing I’d seen in a long time. The little heart flickering made my own skip a beat. In that moment, my heart grew in size, making me realize that there was more than ample room to love two children. I wouldn’t lose Connor. They were equally important to me.

Dr. Brandon didn’t seem to be vexed about anything he saw. I was warned about stress and taking care of myself. He wanted me to take my blood pressure at home every day and record the results in a book. I was told to return in two weeks for a quick check. Due to my age, he wanted to know how I felt about an amniocentesis. I didn’t really see the point. Regardless of what was in store for me, I knew that this baby was a miracle and no illness or syndrome would change the course of seeing this pregnancy to its fruition. The baby was a testament to mine and Henry’s love which made him or her perfect.

Before leaving, the ultrasound tech gave me a few pictures of the baby. I’m glad I was paying attention when she described what we were seeing or the images would have looked like an alien encounter. Tommy was excited to see his new niece or nephew. He was truly happy for me. In one morning, everything had been made real to me. I couldn’t wait to call Henry and share the good news.