The Summer I Became a Nerd

#23

I lay low for the rest of the weekend. I do my chores, I don’t argue with Mom, and I absolutely, positively do not feel sorry for

myself. Because feeling sorry for myself is getting really old.

Then, on Monday while Dad is at the hardware store, I approach Mom and beg her to let me go over to Terra’s so I can apologize.

It doesn’t take much begging.

…

Terra’s house is so normal, so unimposing with its soccer-mom minivan in the driveway, its lazy tomcat basking in the sun on the

porch, and its tire swing swaying in the almost nonexistent breeze in the front yard. So why do I feel like it holds a horrible

monster when I pull up to it? Why do I feel like I could get swallowed up by the sheer hate that emanates from it?

Her little brother—“little” only because he’s a year younger, but he’s actually taller than me—answers the door. He has the

same reddish-brown hair as Terra, but it looks like his facial hair comes in redder. That mustache is seriously, epically bad.

“Hey, Jaime, nice mustache.”

His hand goes to cover it so his voice is muffled when he says, “Th-th-thanks, Maddie.” Poor thing has stuttered every time I’

ve talked to him.

“Is Terra home?”

“She’s in her room.”

It’s a weird feeling standing in front of her closed door. I don’t think I’ve ever had to knock on it. I poise my fist, ready

to tap on the door, and then I hear music. It’s a song I’ve never heard before, a slow twinkling of a guitar and a light, shy

voice. Maybe it’s a new Allison song.

I knock, and the music stops. There’s some rustling inside before she opens the door. When she sees me, her expression becomes so

resentful I want to go hide in a corner.

“Hi. Can we talk, please?” I repeat the word “please” in my head over and over.

She frowns as she stares at me, studying my face. “Fine,” she says, and I almost jump up and down.

She sits on her bed, and I close the door behind me. She stares at me some more. It’s like she’s taken “How to get a confession

out of Maddie” lessons from my mom.

I decide I shouldn’t beat around the bush. I should just come right out with. “I’m really, really sorry. I’ve been a horrible

friend.”

“You freaked me out. I was so worried. And you practically ruined the concert.” She crosses her arms.

“I know. I suck. I’m such an idiot. I was selfish and stupid. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. Ever, ever, ever. And I

totally understand that you never want to see my stupid face again. I just wanted you to know you’re the sweetest, most

trustworthy person ever and wanted to thank you for being so concerned about me even though I didn’t deserve it.”

Terra continues to look at me, but her accusing stare is gone. It’s been replaced by this blank, bored expression.

My nerves are so on edge. I’d love a relaxing Shoot Your Face! session right now.

Finally, she sighs and rolls her eyes. “You’re right. You didn’t deserve it…”

My spirits take a tumble at this.

“…but I forgive you.” She stands. “And you owe me.”

She grins and holds her hand up for a high five. We go directly into our usual greeting. The hug I give her at the end lasts a

long time.

“So, it’s all squashed? You don’t hate me?” I say hopefully.

“Totally squashed. Let’s just forget about it.”

“Forget about what? I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Terra’s giggly laugh rings through the room, and a little piece of my world falls back into place. Soul-Sisters forever.

“So, what’s been going on? What was that music I heard? Did Allison release a new single?” I ask as we flop on her bed.

“You heard that?” Her nose crinkles up.

“Yeah, it sounded pretty.”

“Really? You think it’s pretty?” A genuine smile takes over her entire face.

“Yeah, what was it?”

She chews on her thumbnail for a second. “Peter broke up with me. He called from Florida.”

“Oh my God. You two have been together for how long? Like eight months?”

“Yeah, well, he said we’d gotten too serious.” We both make a pfft sound at the same time.

“I’m sorry about that. You want me to break out the brass knuckles and pay him a visit?” I hold up my fists in a boxing stance.

She nudges me with her shoulder. “It’s okay, really. It was actually kind of a good thing. No, not kind of, it was a good thing.

After that happened, I turned on that Allison tour documentary. She started talking about how she taught herself to play guitar

and that the first song she wrote was about a boy she liked who didn’t circle ‘yes’ on the note she passed him before recess.”

Her words rush out, her hands doing all kinds of weird little gestures. Man, I missed regular hand-talking Terra.

She hops up and starts pacing. “Then, I remembered my guitar I got for my birthday when I was in, like, fifth grade, and I

thought, ‘Maybe this is a sign.’” She pauses, wringing her hands.

I can only wait a second before I can’t hold it in. “And?”

“And… I wrote a song.” She bites her lip.

“And… Now you have to play it.”

“I don’t know, Maddie. It’s really not—”

“Play it!”

“Okay,” Without pause, she wrestles her guitar out from under her bed.

…

After I’ve called for an encore twice, I offer to take Terra out for a snow cone, knowing she can never resist one.

At the little wooden shack that seems to appear out of nowhere every summer in the Wal-mart parking lot, I order a blue raspberry

cone and Terra orders a rainbow one.

Terra holds my cone while I pull back into traffic. “Where to now?”

I start to suggest my house or hers, but another place pops into my head.

Maybe I just want to beat myself up. Maybe I’m trying to hold on to every little piece of Logan I can. Either way, the aquarium

is where I decide to go.

“Yay!” Terra bounces in her seat and claps her hand against her snow cone when I park.

“It’s still as awesome and deserted as ever.” I smile at her.

Terra opens the door and pauses for a moment, bathing in the cool air from inside. “I can’t remember the last time I was here.

When was it that we skipped first period?”

“I think that was right before Christmas. I’ve been here since then, though.”

“We totally have to sign in. Do you have a pen?”

“Yeah.” I take extra long digging through my purse, though, because I know what’s going to be on the first page. He wouldn’t

let me see it then, but there’s nothing stopping me now.

I open the book, and there it is. Logan’s small, precise writing.

Graffin and Laowyn 4 ever.

Terra points at the page. “Aw, that’s sweet, huh? Weird names though.”

My chest feels tight, the first sign I’m about to bawl my eyes out. “Yeah. So sweet. And they’re cutest, weirdest names I’ve

ever heard.” My voice cracks on the last word. 4 ever only lasted for one LARP game and a bowling date.

I can’t help it. The tears come.

Terra grabs my hand. “Whoa, what’s wrong?”

It’s really hard to catch my breath, fight back tears, and talk at the same time. “I… That was… I’m so stupid, Terra.”

She waves for me to follow her into the aquarium. “Come on, girl. Let’s sit down and have a talk.”