The Summer I Became a Nerd

#22

I’m finishing up my tale of woe and heartache and betrayal and nerdiness right as we pull into town.

“I don’t know why I wanted to find him. He probably would’ve just blown me off anyway.” I try to detangle my finally dry hair

with my fingers.

He glances at me with this weird look. Is that respect I see in his eyes? “Man, this is so weird. You’re all grown up now.”

I let out a little laugh. “Thanks for noticing.” I should have known talking to him would ease my mind, even if it’s only

slightly.

“So, what are you going to do?” he asks.

“I have no idea.” Saying those words makes me feel defeated all over again, though.

“Number one, you need to come clean with Mom and Dad. Number two, you need to work it out with Terra. And number three, forget

this guy.”

“Okay, well, number one, I will be grounded for life when they realize I’ve been lying about where I’ve been going.”

“You’re grounded for life already because of this little stunt you pulled tonight. Might as well just confess everything at

once. Believe me, I’ve been through this kind of stuff with them.”

“True, but number two, there is no way Terra is going to forgive me. She hates me.”

He sighs. “She doesn’t hate you. If she hated you, she wouldn’t have missed most of the concert looking for you, and she wouldn

’t have called Mom when she couldn’t find you. She’s right. You need to stop thinking about your problems and find out what’s

going on with her.”

When did he become Yoda?

“Fine, but number three you are completely wrong about. I can’t just forget about Logan. I’ve tried. It doesn’t work.”

“Are you sure? I know you’re all grown up, but you’re still only seventeen. There are a lot of fish in the sea,” he says as we

pull into the driveway.

“I know, but I really like this fish.”

“I’m still confused though. Why are you hiding this part of yourself? Who cares what other people think?”

I debate on whether or not to get into this with him. I doubt he wants to be reminded of the hell on Earth he lived through back

in high school. But in the end, I remember he is one of the only people in the world I can tell anything to.

“I just don’t want to be treated differently. I mean, you know how crappy it can be.”

We turn onto our street, and he throws me a strange look. “What do you mean?”

“Weeeellll.” I stretch the word out so maybe he’ll figure it out before I have to explain it, but he doesn’t. He just

continues to keep that one eyebrow raised in a “WTH” manner. “You went through so much stuff in high school because you

practically put up a billboard saying, ‘I’m a huge geek.’”

He gasps like he takes huge offense at what I just said. “And what is wrong with being a geek?”

I roll my eyes. “You know what I mean. I don’t want to have to go through that. It’s just easier if people don’t know about

that side of me.”

“Oh, yeah, looks like things have been super easy for you this far. Look, high school is hell for most people. It’s one of the

many facts of life. But I had friends. I was happy with who I was, and I’m happy with who I am now. It’s seems to me you’re in

so much trouble not because you’re a raging nerd or because you like this guy. You’re in this mess because you’re not being

honest.”

He turns the truck off and lets a few moments of silence go by before saying, “You ready?”

“As I’ll ever be, I guess.”

When we get inside, Mom and Dad are waiting at the dining table. The house is deathly quiet. No TV, no music. The clothes dryer

isn’t even on.

This is a bad sign.

Mom motions to the chair across from her. I sit, mentally preparing myself.

She and Dad stare at me. I know this technique. They’re waiting for me to spill my guts. If they don’t ask any specific

questions, I won’t know when to stop confessing.

I analyze the wood grain of the table. Might as well get this over with. “Terra and I got into a fight. I left to go to the

NerdCon to find Logan. He had no idea that’s what I was doing, he never asked me to come find him. In fact, he’s not speaking to

me right now. Eric showed up at the wrong time and apparently hadn’t checked his voice mail. He thought we were still together.

Logan got upset, and then Eric punched Logan. Plus, all those times when I said I was going to Terra’s, I’ve really been with

Logan. And I’m sorry and I hope we can put all this behind us.”

My heart is going a mile a minute, but Mom and Dad glance at each other. Mom still looks angry, but Dad just looks confused. “Why

did you lie about spending time with this kid? He seemed all right to me.”

I sigh, knowing what I’m about to say won’t make things any clearer for him. “Because I didn’t want you guys to make a big

deal about me hanging out with the guy who works at the comic shop. I thought if everyone at school knew I like comics and stuff,

they wouldn’t, you know, like me.”

“Is that why you hide your notebook?” Mom asks. “Because I’ve never understood why. It’s not like I don’t remember you and

Roland comparing notes. He’d have his out and so did you, and you two would talk for hours about that stuff.”

“You’ve been going through my stuff?”

“Hey, missy, don’t try to turn this around on me. It’s not exactly hidden well. I’m the one who does all the laundry around

here, remember? I thought about rearranging your closet one day, and there it was in your sweaters.”

“You hid your notebook in your closet?” Ro says from behind me. “How interesting. It’s almost like you wanted Mom to find it.

”

I give him the stink-eye over my shoulder. “Leave me alone, Dr. Freud.”

He leans forward. “By the way, have you finished another one? Did you put a list of issues in the front so you can reference them

easier?”

I nod, grinning. “Yeah, you were right. That made it so much easier to find a specific—”

Dad cuts me off. “It doesn’t matter. You’re still grounded, and I don’t think you should see this boy anymore.” He stands

like the discussion is over.

“Why?” Mom and I both say at the same time.

“Because he’s the cause of all this, obviously.”

“Logan didn’t ask me to lie.”

“Let’s not be too hasty here, Hank. He seemed like a good kid.” Mom’s always been a romantic.

Dad throws his hands in the air. “Whatever, but you’re still grounded.” He stomps off to the living room.

“Yes, sir,” I call after him.

“And no allowance for this month,” Mom says.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“That’s it?” Ro slaps the back of my chair. “That’s all you’re going to do to her? If I’d done all this, you guys would

have locked me in the basement.”

“That’s ridiculous, Roland,” Mom says. “This is Louisiana, we don’t have basements because of the water level.”

I leave Mom and Ro to their bickering and head for the stairs. Dad is sitting on the bottom step. He rubs his forehead like he has

a headache, then looks up at me. “We don’t have to have our marathons anymore, if you don’t want to. If you’re really

concerned about what the kids at school will think, then—”

“No, that’s… I love the marathons. I love hanging out with you.”

He smiles, then quickly goes back to his stern-dad face. “Don’t do anything like that again, Maddie.”

“I won’t, I promise.”

He stands and hugs me like he hasn’t seen me in years. “It doesn’t matter what you like to read, you know that, right? You’re

so smart, I don’t see how you got this idea in your head. Who cares what other people think?”

“I know, it’s just… It’s high school.”

“It’s not just high school. People are going to judge you for all kinds of reasons for the rest of your life. Because you vote

one way or the other, because you go to one school or the other, because you look a certain way. It’s a fact of life: you can’t

make everyone happy. But you can make you happy.” He pokes my shoulder.

“Thanks, Dad.”

“You’re welcome. Now, go up to your room, and you know, think about what you’ve done and stuff. I’m going to take some

aspirin.”

…

I’ve been trying to fall asleep for a good three or four hours. The house got quiet a long time ago except for the TV downstairs.

I’m sure Ro passed out on the couch and forgot to turn it off.

But you can make you happy, my father’s voice repeats over and over as I stare at my ceiling.

Have I been trying to do that all this time? Has that other part of me been trying to break through because deep down I know I’ll

never be happy until… Until what? Until I’m able to freely discuss who I think would win in a battle between Darth Vader and

Lord Voldemort? (The answer obviously being Lord Voldemort. He’d Avada Kadavra Vader way before Vader could even think about the

force choke move.)

The crazy thing—okay, maybe one of the crazy things—is I broke up with Eric and my house hasn’t been egged or rolled by the

football team. He even said he likes the same things I do. Plus, I told Terra and Rayann about Logan and last I checked, I haven’

t been unfriended by everyone on Facebook, even though I’d bet money Rayann has told everyone she could send a text message to.

And Terra, even after I was such a bad friend to her, was still concerned enough to make sure I was okay tonight.

For a long time, I thought this hiding habit was harmless. I wasn’t hurting anyone, right? After everything that’s happened

these past few weeks, I can admit I was wrong. I was hurting someone: myself. Instead of protecting myself, I’ve been pushing

everyone I care about away. I’ve hidden who I am from my friends for years. I’ve lied to my parents about where I’ve been

going. I’ve gotten so caught up, so concerned about the things I could lose, I ended up losing something really important: Logan.

Because of him I’ve realized how amazing it can feel to be completely free. He might not know it, but that’s something no one

else has done, and that’s priceless to me.

As I lay here in bed, an unbidden question pops into my head: so, what am I going to do about all this?

In issue #250 of The Super Ones, the character Grayson was introduced. He was this shy kid who had great powers but no confidence

to use them because he was an orphan who’d been picked on by the other kids at the home where he grew up. But he never lost hope.

He knew one day he’d prove himself worthy.

Then, on the day he turned eighteen and left the home, he got into trouble. Baron Gravity knew Grayson had powers, and he wanted

to get rid of him before Grayson could learn how to use them. But Marcus had been keeping an eye on the baron for a while,

suspecting this bad guy was up to something. So when Marcus saved him, Grayson saw what he could be one day. He begged Marcus to

teach him, but Marcus, being the “I don’t need any help” d-bag he was back then, turned him down.

Grayson vowed to make Marcus proud, so maybe Marcus would want him by his side. He went after the baron who had gotten away in the

initial battle, but he didn’t know what he was doing. He got himself into even more danger and still had to be rescued by Marcus.

Even though Grayson’s plan didn’t go like he wanted it to, Marcus saw the potential in him and ended up taking him on as his

sidekick for the rest of the series.

I don’t know why this story is the one I rehash as I try to go to sleep, but a plan of my own begins to brew.