So Gone

Trying To Hold On


Molaysia

When I awoke, I was being wheeled into the Emergency Room on a stretcher.

I was taken off the stretcher and placed onto a hospital bed in a small room. I thought that was an awful idea. If my neck was broken or something, this could have worsened my injury. Then, they actually removed the neck brace, which sent me into a panic.

I used all of the energy inside of me to tap on the arm of the doctor who was overseeing the maneuverings. Her deep blue eyes stared down into my pupils. “Yes, honey. What’s wrong?”

“I’m afraid that my neck might be broken and you all just removed the neck brace,” I whispered.

“If I thought that there was any chance of your neck being broken, I would have never removed it,” she assured. “You’ll be sent to get x-rays to make sure nothing is broken.”

“Okay,” I whispered. She walked away and closed the door to the room.

I was in pain just lying still. A young blonde-haired nurse came in. “Miss Alexander, I need to ask you a few questions before we send the x-ray technician in,” she announced in a squeaky tone.

“That’s fine,” I strained to respond.

“Does your neck hurt or just your back?” She stood over me with an ink pen and clipboard.

“My neck and my back. It feels like something is torn up inside of me.”

“Don't worry, we're going to take care of you.” Her kind voice was comforting, but I was still in so much pain.





The Results


Molaysia

Thank God the x-rays came back negative. I did not have any broken bones, but I had suffered a slight concussion. My whole body was sore. I was given medication for pain and remained in the hospital overnight for observation.

The next morning before I was released, the doctor came into my room to give me a prescription for pain pills. He urged me to get plenty of rest. “You must allow your body plenty of time for rest and recovery,” he expounded in his thick Nigerian accent.

The doctor wished me well and left. A nurse came in and informed me that a family member was there to pick me up. I nodded ok and teared up, expecting Leesha to come bounding through the door all worried and upset.

I heard the door screech back open and a face appeared that I did not care to see. “Baby, are you okay?” asked Blunt, rushing to my bedside. The very sight of him made me want to puke all over myself.

Shivering, I replied, “How did you know I was here?”

He reminded me that his name was listed on the card that I carried in my purse as the contact in case of an emergency.

The nurse came back in with a wheelchair. I tried with all of my strength to stand, but it was impossible. Blunt stepped over to me. He lifted my arms and placed them around his neck. Gently, he lifted me and sat me down in the wheelchair.

“Oh, God. I’m hurting,” I groaned.

“It's okay, sweetheart. I'm here now.“

I tried to tilt my head up to look into his face, searching for the answer to the question in my head. If he had murdered Rocco, I believed there would be a sign of guilt in his eyes.

“Oww!” I winced. It hurt too bad to tilt my head back.

The nurse grabbed my belongings and pushed me out into the waiting area.

“I’m ‘bout to move the car up front, and I’ll come back and get you,” said Blunt. He placed a kiss on the top of my head, and then went off to get the car.

Instinct told me to beg the nurse not to let him take me away from there, but I began doubting the conclusions that I had hurriedly jumped to. Rocco had once been in the streets, and maybe he had other enemies. Blunt showed no signs of guilt; I had to be wrong.

A hospital orderly wheeled me outside, and he and Blunt helped me inside Blunt's car. Blunt closed the door for me and sprinted over to the driver’s side. I leaned my head back against the headrest and closed my eyes.

“Where is my cell phone? I need to call Leesha,” I said.

“You can call her when you get home. Just relax and stop trying to talk. It's obvious you're in pain, baby girl,” Blunt remarked sensibly. But nothing made any sense anymore.

I didn't utter another word to Blunt until we arrived at my house, and he helped me inside. I had studied him every mile that we traveled back home. Once I was settled in, I let it out.

“Blunt,” I began. “Do you want to know what caused the accident?”

“You weren't on your cell phone were you?” He guessed correctly.

“Yes, as a matter of fact, I was. I had just received a call from Rocco's sister, informing me that he had been killed.” My voice began to crack with emotion.

“Good for him, but what that got to do wit' me? And why the f*ck are you about to cry over that nigga?” he gritted.

My mouth flew open, and I gasped. His callousness didn't surprise me. What shocked me was what I had just noticed around his neck . . . it was the necklace that I had given Rocco as a keepsake until I returned.

"What's up, Mo?" asked Blunt.

"Nothing. I just want to be alone. I can't do this anymore. Please leave me alone," I broke down crying.

"Is that what you really want?"

"Yes," I uttered.

"Aight. Say no mothaf*ckin’ more." With that, he was out the door.

Twenty minutes later, I was still shaking and trying to figure out what to do.





Dealing With An Enemy


Blunt

F*ck Mo', I told myself as I mashed the f*ck out. My head was all f*cked up. I rode around for hours snorting that dust and contemplating my next move.

I had started snorting a few months ago, but no one knew that I indulged. It was just something I did when stress built up, and I needed an escape. It wasn't shit that a nigga was gon' get hooked on. Everybody has some type of vice.

I was rolling down the highway thinking about my oldest li’l man, Devin. My li'l nigga looked up to me and wanted to be just like me. He was my worst li’l knucklehead, but I loved him. He stood out from the rest of my kids with his attitude. He wanted to be a boss, and only imitated what he saw me do. I wanted better for him. I had to start being a positive influence in his life.

I looked at the digital clock on my radio and saw that it was two o’clock in the morning. He was sleep at Mika’s crib. He needed his rest for school. I liked how Mika held a nigga down, but she wasn’t Mo’. Mo’ always brought out the best in me and loved me when I felt that nobody else even cared. She made me want to live for tomorrow, and start over fresh.

I hit the highway and the vibration of my cell phone interrupted my thoughts with an incoming call. I checked the screen and saw that it was Luscious. “Yep, what’s up?” I answered.

“I’m over Polo's house right now,” she whispered with anxiety in her voice. “Gimme an hour to put this coochie on him and put him to sleep. I’ma hit you once he’s out so be close by.”

“Do what you do. I’ll be ready.” I hung up and rushed to the room that I had been staying in on Old National Highway for the past three days.

I threw on black jeans, black hoodie, and black kicks. I grabbed my burner from under the pillow on the bed, and was back out the door.

I headed in the direction of where Polo rested his head. The nigga just didn’t realize that he was sleeping wit’ the enemy. As I drove on I-285, Mo’s face appeared in my mind and her voice spoke to me. It seemed as if she was in the passenger seat. “You can begin a new life and change if you don’t do what you’re about to do,” said her voice inside my head.

“I’ll change after this lick,” I said to myself. I took another bump of dust and blocked out my angel’s voice.

For the next thirty minutes, I drove around Polo’s neighborhood until I received the call from Luscious. “Hurry he’s asleep,” she whispered.

Luscious let me in to Polo’s crib five minutes later. “Shhh!” she warned wit’ her finger to her mouth.

“Where he at?” I asked.

“I’ll show you,” she mouthed.

I asked her if she knew where his racks were and she nodded her head. She led me upstairs to a bedroom where Polo was in bed, up under the covers snoring like a bear. I pulled the blanket back with one hand while holding my strap with the other. I smiled menacingly when he stirred awake.

“Didn’t kno’ you were sleeping with your death angel, did you?” I smirked.

Luscious was standing at my side.

“You dirty bitch!” he growled then lunged at her.

Luscious scurried behind me for protection. I trained the burner on Polo and said, “Show me the money.”

"Aight, just don't get trigger happy," he pleaded.

"Naw, don't you get stupid," I corrected.

He led me to a safe in a room at the back off the house. I made him open it, and then I kept the banger pressed to the back of his head while Luscious loaded those racks into the tote bag that I had brought along.

"What about the yay?" I asked in a no nonsense tone.

"I don't shit where I sleep," replied Polo.

"Let me find out you're playing games, and I'ma open ya top. Matter of fact . . ." Boc! Boc! I blasted his shit all over the wall. "I don't even feel like figuring it out, homie." I laughed at my own sick humor.

Luscious rose up from on her knees in front of the safe. "This our last lick, shawdy, " I said.

"Okay, Daddy. Whatever you --- "

"So your services are no longer needed." I aimed the gun at her face and distorted her makeup. Her body dropped to the floor on top of Polo's.

I picked up the bag, backed out of the bedroom and closed the door, leaving Luscious and Polo's bodies to decompose side by side. I wasn’t stressed, now I wouldn’t have to worry about her ever flippin’ on me.

I hurried outside to my car and drove away. I wanted to go by Mika's, but decided against it. There was one last thing that I needed to take care of. I went back to the room on Old National Highway and began scheming.





Love Doesn’t Hurt


Molaysia

Bright flashes of lightning and angry roars of thunder awakened me. Outside my bedroom window, thrashing rain whipped around, pattering against the side of the house.

I had slept dreadfully, despite the pain medication. My conscious was telling me to go to the police with what I suspected Blunt of doing.

I struggled up into a sitting position with my back against the headboard. Straining my neck to check the time on the clock that sat on the nightstand next to the bed, I realized that Leesha should have arrived hours ago. I had called and asked her to come nurse her favorite cuzzo back to health. Obviously, the thunderstorm had her running late.

I looked around for my cell phone. It had fallen off the bed to the floor. It was going to be a challenge to reach it. As I leaned over the side of the bed with a groan, I saw a pair of legs in my doorway. My head snapped up.

“You thought you could leave me and there wouldn’t be any consequences?” Blunt asked with his arms folded across his chest.

“How did you get in my house?” I asked, trying to sound unafraid.

“Did you ask Rocco that, Mo'? Did you question that bitch nigga like you're questioning me? Or did you just invite him in and let him f*ck you?”

Blunt slowly paced over to the bed and glared down at me. His eyes seemed wild and blood trickled from his nose.

"You gave that nigga my p-ssy, didn't you?" Blunt asked. But it was more of an accusation than a question.

"No, Blunt," I lied, sensing that my life stood in the balance.

"Yes, you did, bitch!"

"No, baby, I swear."

"You f*cked him. Don't lie! Be twenty-one about it." Tears ran down his face.

I knew I was in deep shit because I had never known him to cry. He wrapped his hand around my throat tightly.

“Blunt, please stop!” I begged.

“I love you, Mo’ and that’s how you gon’ do me? You let the next nigga run up in what is mine?”

"No, I didn't, baby," I groaned as he tightened his grip on my throat.

"Yes, you did. And you probably sucked his dick. Did you, Mo'? Did you let that mothaf*cka put his dick in your mouth, shawdy?"

"No . . ."

He removed his hand from around my neck and snatched the pillow from off the bed.

"No, Blunt!" I cried.

"You ain't shit, Mo'. You gotta pay for giving another nigga what's mine." His shoulders rocked as he began crying harder.

I looked at the stranger before me and wondered how I could've been so wrong about a person. Blunt was mentally unbalanced, but I never saw it until now. I had been so gone over him, I had missed the signs.

As he placed the pillow over my head and began smothering me, I fought with all of my might to free myself, but he was so strong.

There was only one thing left for me to do. I stopped struggling and closed my eyes. Lord, please hear my prayer, I prayed.



To Be Continued…