16. JUST ONE NIGHT
I saw the sign to Winsor and could almost feel the tension start to ease in my body. I had never been so happy to be back. Six days at my parents’ house was about five days too long, I decided, even though I spent most of that time working at the diner or exercising with my mom. I wanted to just get somewhere where I could let my defenses down for one minute and relax.
The sun was setting, and my eyes were starting to feel the effects of the exhausting drive. The only positive of it all was that I could crawl into bed, go to sleep, and Parker would be back in the morning. I smiled as I thought of him; he was the only thing about my week that was good. He called every night and we talked for hours before drifting off to sleep. In fact, I had managed to survive my parent’s house all week without an episode, and I knew he was the reason. My stomach fluttered as I thought of seeing him in less than twenty-four hours.
I lugged my suitcase up the stairs and then ran back down to the car to get my new dress. I felt the silky fabric under my fingers and smiled. Carefully putting it back under the protective cover, I headed back up the stairs. When I got there, I noticed my suitcase was gone and the door to my apartment was open. I peeked in and saw Issy and Jake dressed and ready for a night out.
They had put my suitcase in my room and Issy practically tackled me when I got in the door. I pushed her aside, trying to protect my dress and put it carefully in my closet. I didn’t make eye contact with Jake and basically sidestepped him when he came in for a hug. It just seemed ridiculous that after all this time he could still make me swoon with just one smile, and I was just too physically and mentally tired from being with my parents all week to deal with him. I took a stabilizing breath and returned to the living room, convincing myself that I only had to pretend for one more hour, and they would be gone.
I found a spot on the lip loveseat, the furthest point from where Jake was seated and asked how their Christmas was.
“Fabulous!” Issy beamed. “I got everything on my list, including a new BMW from my dad.” Jake rolled his eyes and I tried to keep my jaw from dropping.
“That’s great,” I said, trying my best to sound as excited as she was.
“We’re going out tonight to celebrate, and I will not take no for an answer,” Issy stated, her eyes daring me to argue.
“Issy, I’m exhausted. I just drove nine hours and all I want is a shower and my bed,” I insisted, determined not to give in no matter how much she begged.
Jake didn’t say a word, just sat there overtly staring at me. It was getting harder and harder to avoid his eyes and I shifted uncomfortably. Issy dropped on the sofa and folded her arms pouting.
“I haven’t seen you in a week, and you’re telling me you can’t take two hours to come to a party with me. I’m hurt,” Issy whined, knowing guilt was always my Achilles heel.
“But that’s just it, Issy, it’s never two hours with you. It’s more like five or six and I know I can’t make it that long tonight,” I explained, trying to get her to see reason.
Jake finally said something, but of course it wasn’t in my favor. “I’ll bring you home in two hours, even if I have to go back to get her, I promise.” He was still staring at me, and I was forced to look at him to answer. His eyes were mesmerizing just like I remembered, so perfectly green that it appeared unnatural. He was more relaxed tonight than I had seen him in a while, wearing jeans and a tight fitting t-shirt. He looked calm and confident, and worse…believable.
“It’s settled then. Avery, go get dressed. We’re leaving in an hour,” Issy directed as she bounced off to her room.
I ran my fingers through my hair, feeling trapped and exasperated, and got up to go to my room. Standing in the path of my door was Jake, and I stopped to stare at him for a second as if to say, Excuse me.
Instead of moving, he grabbed me by the waist and pulled me toward him so that my torso was touching his belt buckle. I could feel his breath on my hair and tried to stop the trembles I felt coming on.
“You can’t avoid me forever,” he whispered in my ear as I struggled to get out of his hold. Jake had called and texted several times over the break, but I had ignored all of them. I wanted to be over him, to let him go once and for all.
“Jake, please,” I begged when I realized his grip was impenetrable.
“I know you still feel it,” he continued as he moved his hand to my wrist, checking my pulse in the process. “Why do you fight it?” His words were soft and soothing as he released the full measure of his charm on me. I closed my eyes. His scent was starting to get to me, as were his words that I knew were true, despite how hard I wanted to believe they weren’t.
“Give me one night. That’s all I’m asking,” he pressed, moving his hand to stroke my face. “If it’s not there, I’ll leave you alone. I know I screwed up, Avery, and you have no idea how badly I wish I could take it back.”
I felt too tired to fight him. He was starting to break me down—to get behind the wall I had put up just to protect myself from him.
“Jake, I’m with someone else now, and I care about him,” I pleaded, hoping my honesty would make him leave and allow me to breathe once again.
“I know that, and I’ll totally respect it. No inappropriate touching whatsoever. I promise.” He was grinning mischievously now and I raised my eyebrows at him and then looked down at his arm that still encircled my waist. He quickly let go as to validate his words and I couldn’t help the smile that appeared even as I scurried past him.
“Ok, I’ll go,” I resigned. I turned to look as I shut my door. His eyes had the sparkle I hadn’t see in weeks and his smile melted the last of my defenses. I pushed down the guilt that started to rise up in my chest. It was just one night…how bad could it be?
The party Issy brought us to was much more than just your average college get together. It was at one of the houses around the campus lake, which easily could have fit in her dad’s neighborhood. I had run by it a million times, but never realized how beautiful it was until we pulled in the drive. Issy’s new BMW fit right in with the others in the driveway and I mentally prepared myself for the nightmare that I was about to embark on. If this party was anything like Ben’s, it would be a very long two hours.
The house was beautifully decorated with white lights following every turn on the roof and stairs, as well as covering at least five trees in the yard.
Jake wrapped his arm around me as we got out of the car, looking as awed as I was. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”
I looked up at him, examining his face in the soft glow of the light. He was a different person tonight and I didn’t quite know how to process it. He was waiting for a response, so I finally answered, “It really is. Who lives here?”
Issy piped in before Jake could respond. “My dad has a business partner whose son goes to Winsor, too. They bought this house so they could come and visit him whenever they wanted. Luckily, they are happily at home and Branson has the whole place to himself. He’s got a little crush.” I had no doubt it was true…most men got crushes on Issy.
“Who else is coming?” I asked as there were only five cars in the driveway.
“It’s invite only, so probably no one we know all that well. Its free liquor, though, and Caesar’s will be dead until school starts up, so you take what you can get!” She spun around and bounced up the stairs. She looked especially pretty tonight. She had kept the coloring to only a small blond streak by her face and was wearing tight black leggings with knee length boots and a flowing cashmere sweater. Her only punk item was the multicolored rhinestone belt around her waist, and honestly, it made the outfit.
Jake still had his arm around me as we walked towards the door. My conscious told me to move away from him, but I pushed it aside. Branson was there waiting and politely invited us in. You could tell he definitely wasn’t someone in Issy’s normal circle. He seemed nervous and awkward. In fact, he reminded me a lot of the guys in my study group. He had on khakis and a nice sweater, but wore pretty old fashioned glasses and his hair looked as if his mother had parted it before we got there.
“There’s drinks in the kitchen and we have music going out back,” he explained shyly, barely making eye contact with Issy.
“Wonderful!” Issy said, planting a kiss on his cheek before she headed that direction. I had to hold in my laughter as I watched him stare after her in awe.
We followed her to the kitchen and got ourselves drinks. Jake offered me a glass of wine, but I declined. No need to cloud my judgment any more than it already was.
The back of the house was even more beautiful than the front. There was a long porch with large hanging lanterns around it. The stairs led down to a walkway that ended in a covered pier overlooking the lake. The pier was lit with white Christmas lights, as well, and had two beautiful wood rocking chairs that I imagined made for breathtaking sunrises. I was naturally drawn to it and started heading that way.
I leaned on the rail, just watching the black water beneath me. It seemed to captivate me as I stared at it. I started to wonder what I was doing here, and why I always seem to allow myself to be put in situations I didn’t want to be in. Why couldn’t I just say no? Jake’s arms were suddenly wrapped around me, and I immediately felt my heart start to race. It felt too familiar. He didn’t say a word, just held me tightly as we watched the water. I thought of Parker and how unfair this was to him. I needed to end this thing with Jake once and for all; I knew I did.
“I want to know why,” I said softly. He didn’t say anything, just sighed.
I moved his arms from around me and turned to look at him. “I want to know why now, and how you went from being a guy who wanted to just have fun to being this guy. What was the turning point for you, Jake, because it seems you only want me until you have me.” My hands were shaking as I spoke. I had never once confronted Jake on any of his actions and wasn’t sure how I had the confidence to do it now.
Jake sat down on one of the rocking chairs and I followed suit. “The answer is so cliché, I almost hate to say it,” he started. “When I first saw you, I was immediately attracted to you. You were bouncing around in your pajamas, without a care in the world. I wish I could say it was more, but honestly you were just another cute girl who had piqued my interest. But something happened as I got to know you. You did everything different than any girl I had been with. It wasn’t just different, but it was right, like you knew exactly what I needed to make my world stop spinning. It would amaze me. I would put you in situations and you come through them beautifully, with such grace and strength that I couldn’t get you out of my mind.”
“But you broke up with me,” I reminded him.
“Because it scared the hell out of me, the feelings I was having. Avery, I’ve felt nothing for months, and all the sudden, with you, I felt everything.” He turned to stare at me when he said it, and I felt my eyes fill with tears. I was not expecting this answer from him, and it seemed to do nothing but muddy the already delicate resolve I was having. He responded by standing up and bringing me up to him, staring so lovingly in my eyes that I was sure I would faint.
“That night together…” He trailed off as he caressed my face. The tears were spilling over my eyes now as I felt all the hurt that night had brought me. He wiped them away with his thumb and drew me into a tight hug. I could hear the music from the house and watched as the lights danced across the lake. “I’m so sorry I hurt you.”
“We should get back,” I whispered, knowing that if I stayed in his arms too much longer, I would do something cruel the one person in my life who didn’t deserve it. Thinking of Parker made my stomach turn. He deserved better than this from me.
Jake kissed me longingly on my forehead and then let go so we could head back to the house. My mind was spinning from his confession, and I decided to have that glass of wine after all, hoping it would somehow clear my head.
The party was in full swing when we returned to the house, with Issy naturally at the center of it. She squealed when she saw me and pulled me on the makeshift dance floor with her. I tried my best to get lost in the moment and put the confusion and chaos out of my mind, but Jake’s eyes were relentless as he watched me dance, and I soon felt insecure under the scrutiny. I told Issy I was done, and her eyes knowingly glanced in Jake’s direction.
“No problem,” she said and put her arm through mine. She lead me to multiple groups of people whom surprisingly turned out to be really interesting. Most of them were actually in college to learn something and could hold a conversation without slurring their words. I especially liked Branson. He was kindhearted and so sweet to Issy. She was miles out of his league, but she allowed him to dote anyway.
True to their word, Issy and Jake left at the two-hour mark. Issy wasn’t too drunk which was a nice change from the norm and was actually a lot of fun tonight.
“I had a great time,” I announced as we walked in the apartment. The wine had gotten to my head, making me more relaxed than usual.
“Of course you did, silly. You were with me,” Issy responded, heading to the kitchen to rummage through the pantry. I shot her a look, and Jake laughed. It was a beautiful sound, and one I hadn’t heard from him in a long time.
“Well guys, I’m going to bed,” I said as I started to my room.
“No! It’s too early! Stay and watch a movie with us. It’s my turn to pick and we can totally watch a chic flick.” Issy had already put the popcorn in the microwave and was getting us all drinks. I had to admit it sounded fun. After a week of walking on eggshells with my parents, it felt good to be around Issy and her carefree honesty.
I went to my room and put on my favorite pajamas. I knew I should check my phone to see if Parker called, but for some reason I didn’t. Instead, I shut the door and joined Issy and Jake on the sofa. I started by sitting with my legs crossed in the middle of them, but somehow throughout the evening I ended up cuddled next to Jake, and that’s where I was when I woke up at two in the morning.
He was on his back asleep and I was curled up on his chest just like we had done so many times before. His arms were locked tightly around me, and I could hear his rhythmic breathing as he slept. I quietly wrangled out of his grip and stepped off the couch. Issy must have gone to her bed because she was no longer on the sofa. I softly shut my door and checked my phone. Parker had called twice, once at 10:00 p.m. and again at midnight. I felt a little pang in my chest as I realized how selfish I had been last night. I didn’t even tell him I got home safely. I knew deep down that I didn’t call because I didn’t want something to stop me from doing what I knew was wrong. I didn’t want the accountability. I curled up in my bed, feeling horribly guilty. Last night had been a mistake—one I wouldn’t let happen again.
“I pray, Lord, that she knows she has a savior who is able to sympathize with her weakness, and that she knows she can find grace in her time of need...”