14. GAS STATION SCAVENGER HUNT
My apartment felt different when I returned, darker somehow, like the footprint of Jake was everywhere. The pit felt closer than it had in weeks, and I knew it was my fault. I had given in when I bought him that picture, and allowed myself to feel for him all over again. I looked at the picture of Parker on my desk, and tears stung at my eyes. He deserved so much better than me, and I knew it. I set the picture down and got undressed to shower. My reflection in the mirror stopped me as I started to examine everything that was wrong with my body. I pinched at each bulge, disgusted by it. No matter how hard I tried, how much I ran, it was never enough. The tears were freely flowing now as I stepped in the shower letting the steaming hot water run over me, praying it would sear off everything I hated about myself.
Two hours later, I was dressed and ready to go, eagerly anticipating Parker’s arrival. I was still feeling panicked from earlier and had barely managed to keep myself from the kitchen. He had insisted we ride together even though it meant he had to bring me back here in a few days to get my car. “I don’t mind,” he had said. “It’s totally worth the drive to get you to myself for a little while.”
I practically jumped at the knock on the door and ran to open it, relief flooding my body when I saw him. He barely got in the door before I tackled him in a hug so fierce that he had to brace himself.
“What’s this for?” he asked chuckling, as I held on for dear life. I breathed in his scent, so different from Jake’s, and just relished the feeling of comfort and warmth I felt in his arms. I didn’t want to let go, wanting instead to get lost in the peace he brought to me. I knew if I continued to hug him, he would start to ask questions, and I didn’t want to talk about the events of the morning, so I reluctantly released him.
“Nothing, I’m just happy to see you. That’s all.”
He kept his arms locked around me as he leaned down to kiss me. “Me too. Now lets get this show on the road before my mom starts blowing up my phone.”
He picked up my bag, and I shut the door, glancing back one last time at the apartment that had hours before felt like a prison, grabbing at me, trying to pull me back down into its pit. It looked different now, safe once again.
We pulled out of the parking lot and with each mile of distance between me and Winsor, I started to feel at ease, even excited about seeing Parker in his hometown.
He smiled at me and then got a childish grin on his face. “Ok, so I have a ritual on road trips that started way back when I was a kid…you think you can handle it?”
“Um…sure?” I answered with hesitation apparent in my voice. “It doesn’t involve doing anything that will get us arrested does it?”
“No, nothing like that. It’s just that I get antsy, well you know that from our many study sessions, and so my mom created road games for us to play the whole time we traveled. Now, I’m hooked.”
“What, like I spy?” I teased thinking how cute he looked when he was being playful.
“Insulting. I’m a professional, Avery.” He was feigning seriousness and my curiosity was starting to get the better of me.
“Since it is only a two hour drive, I kept it simple,” he went on. “So we are sticking only with gas station scavenger hunt.”
“What?” I asked laughing, sure he was kidding. The mischievous look on his face told me he wasn’t. “Ok, how do you play?”
“Its easy. There are ten gas stations between my parents and us. I put a list twenty random items in this bag. At each stop, we have to pick one item. The first person to find it and purchase it gets to ask the other a personal question…one they would never ask in normal conversation. AND, the other person has to answer it 100% truthfully. Oh, you can’t ask anyone for help, either.”
I looked at him in disbelief. “That took a lot of preplanning. How did you have time during finals to come up with this?”
“Avery, I planned this out when I came home for Thanksgiving.”
“But we weren’t even together. I mean like really together,” I recalled, surprised at his answer.
His tone suddenly got more serious. “Avery, I knew I wanted you with me the first time I saw you. From that point on, you’ve never left my mind.” He reached over and squeezed my hand, smiling. He was so good to me, always seeing only the best. How I wanted to believe him, but I knew better. I had a secret, a cruel, overwhelming secret that I would never tell him, could never tell him. He would never see me the same if he knew the extent of my emotional weakness and my reliance on food to settle it. But I didn’t want to think of that now, just wanted to enjoy this time with him before I inevitably ruined it.
“Ok, I’m in,” I agreed smiling. “But I must warn you…I’m very fast.”
“We’ll see about that,” he challenged as he winked at me. “Our first stop is right now.”
I reached in the bag to pull out my card and scowled. It was canned soup. What gas station carried that?
Parker pulled in front of the station, and I was out of the car before he even got into park. I was rushing down the isles hysterically laughing as I watched him practically knock down a man in a business suit on his way to the fountain drinks. I found the “household items,” but there was no soup. I went down another isle frantically searching, and spotted a soup to go on the bottom shelf. I grabbed it and ran up to the counter, but it was too late. Parker was already leaning on the counter, casually sipping on his 40-ounce drink.
“I win,” he announced with a smile.
I scowled at him and set down the soup. He put his arm around me and walked us back to the car. Now I was kind of dreading this game. Parker was way too insightful, and I knew his questions would be also.
We got back on the highway and he turned to me. “My first question is a hard one, because I don’t know if I’ll win again,” he explained as if to justify it. “What happened that day you came to the quad? It doesn’t matter to me, it can be anything, but I just want to know.” His eyes were sincere, and I knew he was asking so he could be closer to me, not to judge or pry.
I took a deep breath and then told him everything, well, almost everything. I told him I met with my advisor and learned what a colossal disappointment I was, how I went to see Jake for comfort and he was there with another girl. “When I confronted him, he basically told me that I wasn’t the girl he first fell for, that I had lost what made me special.” My voice trailed off at that point, not wanting to remember the words. “I just kind of went numb after that. I felt like I was consumed in darkness because I had lost so much of who I was, and I didn’t know how to get it back. I honestly don’t even remember getting to the quad. I just kind of was there. That’s it.” It was amazing how quickly the pain resurfaced as I spoke the words.
Parker was quiet for a long time and then shook his head. “I hate that guy!” He said it so fiercely that I looked up at him startled. I had never seen him angry before. He turned to look at me, deeply searching my eyes. “You know he was wrong, don’t you? You are inherently special, and no decision or action you take can change that.”
I looked back at my hands and tried to stop the tears that were filling my eyes.
“Avery, look at me,” he insisted and I complied. “He. Was. Wrong.” Parker said the words slowly and deliberately, trying to make sure I absorbed them.
I smiled and nodded, wanting so much to believe him. I wiped my eyes and took a deep breath. “No more serious questions, or I’m not playing anymore,” I threatened.
He smiled at me and squeezed my hand, “You got it.”
I was much quicker the next two stops, extra motivated not to be on the receiving end of the questions. I asked Parker what he was like in high school and how he decided on going into the military. He told me that he was the average jock who loved sports. He knew his parents would be strapped sending him to college, so he really worked hard in school and applied to every type of scholarship out there.
“I never really thought about the military, but when I saw they did medical scholarships, I went ahead and applied. My fitness abilities and test scores got me in, and the rest is history.”
The next stop was rigged, because my card said, “sour skittles” and they only had original and tropical. I tried to declare a miss-deal, but Parker refused, happily eating his Milky Way.
“Now its my turn,” he said grinning. “What were you like in high school?”
I visibly relaxed, much more comfortable answering this question than I was the earlier one. “Nothing special, really. I joined the cross country team my sophomore year and between that and school, I stayed pretty busy.”
“Any serious boyfriends?”
I looked at him with a grin. “That’s two questions.”
“Humor me.”
“No, no boyfriends. Guys really weren’t that interested in me and honestly, I was too focused on just getting out of there to mess with any of it.”
He looked at me like I was lying. “Not possible.”
I hit his leg playfully, blushing at the way he was looking at me. Parker always made me feel beautiful. He never looked at other girls and was constantly complimenting me. My bad habit of comparing my body to that of every woman I met seemed to disappear when I was with him.
“Ok, you have to answer that question too.” I said, hoping his answer was the same as mine. The idea of him caring for another girl bothered me a lot more then I wanted to let on.
“I had one girl I dated my senior year.”
“Was it serious?”
“Well, as serious as it could be in high school, I guess. We grew up together in a small town and hung in the same circles. It was easy.”
“How did it end?”
He shot me a knowing look, fully aware I was making sure it had ended. “No big event or anything. We both went off to college and mutually knew it wasn’t going to work. I still see her around town sometimes, and it’s just fine.”
It was hard for me to imagine that, because I only had one real boyfriend before Parker and everything about that relationship was heat and drama. I shot him a little smile and said, “Good.” As much as I knew it was hypocritical, I wanted Parker all to myself.
We were an hour and a half into the drive, and I was having a wonderful time. I watched Parker as he drove, singing under his breath to a tune that was on the radio. He reminded me of Issy, but without all the baggage. So comfortable with who he was that the world just seemed to fit around him. We only had two more stops before we got to his house, and I was determined to win. My next card said, “hot dog w/ ketchup,” and I easily beat him to the counter while he was searching for cotton balls.
“Ok, my turn again,” I said laughing as he devoured the hot dog. I’d never seen anyone eat as much as he did on this trip.
“How is your relationship with your parents?” History had taught me to always know this answer, although knowing did not help me much with Issy.
“Honestly, it’s pretty great. I know most people our age don’t like their parents that much, but I really do. We’ve just always been close. My dad works for the forestry department, and my mom teaches at the elementary school, and while we didn’t have a lot growing up, we never wanted for anything. My parents were very active in my life, went to all my games, took us camping all the time and tried to raise us with a strong set of values. Family means everything to me.”
“That’s wonderful. I really can’t wait to meet them.”
“Well, they are going to love you. I know that with full certainty,” he said beaming, lifting his arm to tickle the back of my neck and rub his thumb over my cheek.
The last stop was a colossal disaster. Parker’s card said, “map of North Carolina” and mine said, “toilet paper from the bathroom.” He had the map paid for before I even made it to the back of the store.
We piled back in the car, my arms crossed as I pouted. Parker smiled at me, then got lost in thought. I could tell he was trying to decide whether to ask me the question or not. My stomach suddenly fluttered, knowing full well I wasn’t going to like it.
He took a deep breath and gripped the steering wheel. “Are you over him?”
I closed my eyes, thinking that was the worse question he could ask, especially in light of the events this morning. “I don’t know how to answer that,” I said in a whisper.
“Truthfully. I don’t want there to ever be secrets between us.”
“Even if the answer is no?”
He was quiet for a long time and then said, “Yes, even then.”
I looked at his profile while he drove and felt heat run through my body. He was so amazing. I leaned over to stoke his hair and kissed his cheek, lingering on the soft part of his skin under his earlobe. “I’m getting there,” I whispered.
He slowed down the car and pulled off the country road we were on. Immediately after he put it in park, I was in his arms and he was passionately kissing me with the same intensity I felt in the quad. It was like the more I knew him, the more he affected me physically, and as we consumed each other in the car all I could think of was how badly I wanted him.
He reluctantly pulled away, appearing to battle with himself the whole time as he did so. We were both shaking with desire as he put his forehead to mine. “You have no idea what you do to me,” he admitted softly, and then pulled back out onto the road. We were quiet the rest of the way to his parents’ house, but his hand never left mine.
The last road he turned on led us into the forest. Parker’s house sat on four acres of land and the nearest neighbor was over a mile away. We turned the last corner and I caught my first glimpse of his home. If I didn’t know where I was, I would have sworn he had taken me to a wood lodge somewhere.
His house was made of green wood siding and had an extended deck that sat on piers. The roof over the deck was pitched in a perfect triangle with wood beams forming a V at the front. The adjacent wall to the house had two large triangular windows that mirrored one another, and the effect was beautiful. The house itself was small and quaint, but considerably warm and inviting.
“I love it,” I exclaimed as I took it all in.
“I knew you would see it,” he replied smiling. I shot him a questioning look, and he explained, “It’s a pretty simple place, Avery, in the middle of the forest. Very few people would find it beautiful, but I knew you would, because you see things others miss. It’s one of the things I like most about you.”
I smiled back at him and then leaned over to kiss his cheek before we made it to the end of the driveway.
His mom and dad walked out of the front door as soon as we pulled up and each gave Parker a warm hug. Watching them, you could see the closeness and love that the family shared.
“You must be Avery!” his mom said as she embraced me. I tried not to show how awkward I felt as I hugged her back. They were obviously as affectionate as Parker was. His dad must have sensed my unease, because he shook my hand, instead, when he welcomed me.
Parker wrapped his arm around me and led me into the house. He fit this place and seemed more at ease than I had ever seen him. The smell of a home cooked meal hit my senses as soon as we walked in the door, and I suddenly felt my stomach growl. Parker had eaten all our loot from the trip and it hit me how hungry I was.
“You two haven’t eaten, have you?” his mom asked as she started taking pans out of the oven.
“Are you kidding? I’m starved!” Parker answered and planted a light kiss on her cheek. I excused myself to the bathroom, partially to freshen up and partially to get calmed down. As ridiculous as it sounds, I felt overwhelmed by the love in this place. It was real and honest, and I had never experienced anything like it.
They were already around the table when I came out of the bathroom and tried to quietly join them, but my chair scraped across the floor as I did. Parker quickly stood up to help me get settled. He reached for my hand and then took his father’s. Next thing I knew, we were all holding hands to say grace, but it was more then just blessing our food. They thanked God for multiple things, even my being there with them. It was authentic, and despite my lack of experience regarding this sort of thing, I felt good when they finished.
We said, “amen” and started passing the food. I started to mentally brace myself for the onslaught of questions that always seemed to follow, but they didn’t come this time. Instead, Parker’s dad told stories about campers in the woods, and they talked about the missionary work Parker’s older brother and family was doing overseas. I found myself slowly starting to relax, enjoying their easy mannerism as they shared their life with one another. I even found myself laughing and asking questions, as if I had known them for years. It was the first time, since I could remember, that I didn’t notice what others were eating or how they were eating it. I didn’t even really register my food, only the company, and the freedom in that felt so amazing I wanted to cry.
We were finishing up when his dad leaned back in his chair and said, “Well Avery, this is the part where we go around and tell each other a high and low for the day. Think you can come up with one?”
I shot a concerned look to Parker, unsure exactly what they were asking me.
“Its easy,” his mom said, reassuring me. “I’ll go first. My high today was when you and Parker pulled in the drive. And my low was burning my finger on the pan. Ok Frank, you’re next,” she said looking at her husband.
“My high will come later when I beat this knucklehead in a game of darts,” he teased as he lightly punched Parker in the shoulder. “My low is going to be the dishes I’m sure I’ll have to do after dinner.” He shot his wife a sad face and she promptly responded, “You’re darn right!”
Parker geared up for his turn, but shot me a mischievous look as if to convey his actual high was not going to be mentioned. I blushed as I recalled the heat we generated in the car.
“My high is this wonderful meal. Thank you, Mom. And my low is knowing in two days we have to leave this place, and I won’t see Avery for a whole week.”
I felt embarrassed by his verbal affection and looked down at my plate.
“Ok, we all did ours,” Parker said nudging me.
I smiled, enjoying this game more then I was letting on. “Well, I know exactly what my low is. Parker beating me in the last round of Gas Station Scavenger Hunt.”
The entire table erupted with laughter as his mom asked, “Did you really make her play that game with you? Avery, Parker used to make us play that every road trip we took from the time he was five years old.” She was shaking her head as if reliving a warm, wonderful memory.
Parker’s dad continued on, “And the worst part was, he always won so we were forced to listen to terrible music the entire trip!”
I looked at Parker confused, and he explained that the price for winning when he was a kid was control over the radio.
“You’re kidding!” I said hitting his arm. “That would have been way easier then all your questions.” The table erupted in laughter again as Parker raised his hands in surrender. The laughter died down and attention was once again on me, as I was to give my high for the day. There were so many, it was hard to pick. But my mind thought back to the morning and how dark it had felt.
“My high was when Parker picked me up this afternoon,” I said confidently.
Parker’s mom got a sappy look on her face, and I watched as his dad squeezed her shoulder. There was nothing especially striking about either one of them. His mom was average height and weight. Her hair and clothes were plain and even a little dated. His dad looked very rugged and wrinkled, like someone who had worked outside all his life. Watching them, however, with their warm smiles and kind spirits, I soon started to feel like they were two of the most beautiful people I’d ever met. I totally understood how Parker was such a man of character; he had been surrounded by it all his life.
We got up and brought our dishes from the table. I offered to help clean up, but Parker’s parents practically kicked us out of the kitchen.
Parker led me into their small den that housed an old leather couch with multiple patches, and an oversized chair and ottoman just big enough for both of us to sit on. The small TV sat in a corner nook of built in shelves, and there was old wood paneling that covered each wall. I imagined Parker in this room when he was a kid and had no doubt it looked exactly the same.
We sat together in the chair and he lifted my legs so they rested on his and leaned in to kiss me. Parker was exactly the same with me in front of his parents as he was when we were alone, which I loved and admired.
I looked at him and smiled. “You’re right, they’re amazing.”
He reached out and stroked my face with his hand, capturing my eyes with his. “You’re amazing.”
It was the first time I actually thought that one day I might be able to believe him.
“Lord, deliver her from those would harm her, whose mouths are full of lies. Show her that your hand will guide her and your right hand will hold her fast…”