Shame on Me

“If this is too weird for you, you don’t have to come with us,” I tell him, stopping far enough away from my car so my mother doesn’t hear us.

“I’m not going to lie—this is all a little crazy right now. I like you. A lot. And that scares the shit out of me because I don’t know if I can trust you. You’re going out on a limb to help me and I don’t know if it’s because you have feelings for me or you just feel guilty.”

When I open my mouth to tell him it has absolutely nothing to do with guilt and everything to do with how I feel about him, he holds a hand up to stop me.

“Don’t. Just . . . not yet. I’m not trying to be mean or ungrateful for what you’re doing. I just need time for my brain to process everything,” he admits.

I put on my big-girl panties and nod at him, not letting his words cut a hole in my heart. I know what he’s going through. I know what it’s like to lose your trust in someone and struggle to find it again. I just never thought I would be the one someone didn’t trust. At least he still thinks about kissing me, so there’s that.

“Well, a stakeout in my VW Bug with my seventy-year-old, gun-toting, arthritic mother sounds like a great way for you to start processing things, doesn’t it?” I ask dryly.

“As long as you don’t leave me alone with Margaret and her gun, I think this will be a good start.” Matt smiles at me as I hit the button on my key chain to unlock the doors to my car.





CHAPTER 14




Am I the first person ever to stare at you blankly when you told me your name? You must have thought I was an idiot.”

Leaning my head back against the seat, I stare over at Matt. He mirrors my pose and I scoot my body a little closer to him.

“I told you, I’m not offended, believe me. I was serious when I said I liked it that you didn’t know who I was. It was nice being able to talk to someone who didn’t know anything about me,” I admit to him.

Matt slides over to the edge of his seat as well until there are only a few inches and a gearshift separating us. “I really can’t thank you enough that you’re doing this for me. Are your friends going to hate you when they find out what happened?”

The concern in his voice melts my heart. He’s about to lose the company his father worked hard for all his life, his ex is dating a mobster who might fit us for cement shoes if he finds us trailing him, and he’s worried about my well-being.

Where did this guy come from?

“Lorelei already knows, sort of. She hasn’t told Kennedy yet, and that’s a little concerning. Kennedy is the one we need to worry about. She carries a gun,” I tell him with a smile. “But seriously, once we get this all figured out and I can explain to her what happened, she’s going to understand. I know it.”

Matt leans across the gearshift, meeting me in the middle until I can feel his breath on my face. “But this is the Mob we’re dealing with. I don’t want anything to happen to you because of me.”

I’ve never wanted to kiss someone so badly in my entire life. I still remember how soft his lips were and how he tasted. I remember the feel of his tongue sliding against mine and how tightly his arms wrapped around my body, holding me close to him. Memories aren’t doing it for me right now, though. I need the real thing.

Staring into his gorgeous eyes, I start to close the distance between us, the sound of my heartbeat thumping in my ears with excitement.

“How long are we going to just sit here? My bursitis is acting up.”

With a sigh, I pull away from Matt and glare at my mother as she opens the rear door and gets back in from stretching her legs. I guess that wasn’t my heart I heard pounding a few moments ago. It was her stomping her foot against the ground trying to get some feeling back in her legs.

“I didn’t ask you to come with us. You could have stayed at my place,” I remind her.

“I thought this stakeout thing would be a little more exciting.”

Turning away from her, I give Matt an apologetic look and he smiles back at me. Even with my mother complaining in the backseat, I still can’t stop thinking about kissing him again. Or imagining him naked. Is it wrong that my mother is two feet away and I’m wondering what it would feel like to run my hands all over his naked body? Matt’s eyes darken as he stares back at me, almost like he knows what I’m thinking.

“So that’s what a shameful walk looks like. I’ve always wondered.”

Breaking from my lustful thoughts, I look back at my mother and see her staring out her window. Whipping my head around, I see Melanie coming down the front steps of Vinnie DeMarco’s home. She’s carrying a pair of heels in her hand, she’s got mascara smudged under her eyes, and her hair looks like a rat’s nest.

“It’s ‘walk of shame,’ Mom,” I mutter as all three of us stare silently at Melanie while she stands at the end of the driveway, looking up and down the street.

A few minutes later, a taxi pulls up and she hops into the backseat. Matt and I duck down at the same time as the taxi slowly drives past my car.