Shallow Breath

40

Pete




‘So how did you get on with Kate?’ Pete asks as he and Desi sit down to dinner.

It is one of those idyllic nights where the wind hasn’t picked up, and conditions are perfect to eat outside. Desi blows out a breath as she passes him some cutlery. ‘I hardly know where to begin. Perhaps you should go first – did you find out any more about going to Indonesia?’

‘Yes, and it was much easier than I expected.’

He had spent the morning on the phone trying to reach people at the zoo and in Sumatra. He’d learnt they were chronically short-staffed at the release station, and everyone seemed open to the idea of him heading back, particularly when they discovered he was planning to pay his own way. ‘In fact, I’ve booked my flights. I’m heading over there tomorrow.’

‘Tomorrow!’

‘Yes, the sooner the better. I’ve learnt terrible things today about fresh burnings in Aceh. There’s only two hundred orang-utans there, and they could be gone in a few months, or even weeks. As well as the dead, there will be casualties for sure – and orphans. I’m sure if the powers-that-be can bring any to the release station, they will try to.’ He pushes his plate away for a moment; he can’t eat while he thinks about it. ‘It’s a total war zone, Des, where one side razes the ground with fire and bulldozers, and their opponents are innocent children who don’t even know they’re in a fight. It’s genocide for lipstick and soap and cooking oil, and we’re running out of time too fast to change anything.’

Desi puts her knife and fork down as she listens to him. He’s on a roll now, frustration growing with every word.

‘And the trouble is, once they’re gone in five or ten years, along with the rhino, and the polar bears, and God knows what else, people will find them in a picture book and shake their heads sadly. They won’t even know what they’re missing. That knowledge will die with us. I know it takes a rare person to look in the mirror and see past themselves to the world behind them, but before long there won’t be any point – the entire earth will either be too barren or too horrific to be worth noticing. Millions of years of evolution, and humans destroy it in a few decades.’ He pulls his plate towards him again. ‘Okay, I need to stop ranting. Tell me about Kate.’

Desi begins to explain what she’s discovered about Connor and Elizabeth in Africa, and Pete listens in shock. When she’s finished, he is silent for a moment, watching her. Then he says, ‘That’s a bombshell, Desi. You seem very calm, considering, I thought you’d be more upset.’

She shrugs. ‘I don’t know. It’s strange realising I had no idea of the truth all these years. But if anything I’m … detached. It’s begun to feel so very long ago, and too much has happened in the last few years. I am horrified, though. And I’m so sorry for Kate and her family. It’s made me think I should try to get in touch with them again – tell them more about Maya, and my time on the boat with Connor. After all, they were so generous with the deposit for the shack. Maybe I gave up on them too quickly.’

‘Desi’ – Pete shifts in his seat – ‘there’s something I need to own up to. I was trying to tell you the other night – not all the money you used for this place came from Connor’s family. They sent a small amount, and I added to it from some of the inheritance my father left me.’

Desi stops and stares at him. ‘How much did you add?’

He holds her gaze. ‘Fifteen thousand dollars.’

‘Fifteen thousand dollars! Pete – that’s … incredible. Why did you do that?’

‘I wanted to help you out.’

After an extended pause, Desi gets up, walks around to his side of the table, kneels, takes his face in her hands and kisses him. It takes him a moment to respond because he is so surprised, but then he wraps his arms around her and pulls her tight against him.

When they break apart, he is worried that she will regret it. But she offers him a small, uncertain smile.

‘Pete, I know that ever since Maya has been little I’ve had a wall round me. I lost the desire to be vulnerable, but I didn’t have to worry with you, did I? You’ve been there for me and Maya through everything, and I don’t think I’ve appreciated what it might have cost you at times.’

He keeps his arms around her. ‘I think we’ve all done the best we could. I can’t believe how fast the years have gone by. I’ve barely noticed how we got here.’

Desi sighs. ‘I thought I was so strong, but I was a mess back then. It took the horror of the past few years to push me to confront myself. When I heard Kate talking about Connor today, it felt like there was a resolution to be found in it.’ Her voice holds an encouraging brightness. ‘Perhaps that might mean some new beginnings too.’

‘When I get back, we could go on a date,’ Pete suggests, hardly able to believe they are finally having this conversation. ‘We’ll get dressed up, I’ll pick you up, and we’ll do something special. Would you like that?’

‘Okay. And you have to take me to see Indah, remember?’

Pete laughs. ‘Only you would consider that a date. But of course I will. So what are you going to do while I’m gone?’

‘Well, tomorrow I’m going to visit Rebecca,’ Desi says. ‘I’m not sure I can ever make amends, but I think I need to try.’

‘I’m sure you’ll do fine.’

Once they finish their dinner, they collect their wine glasses and stroll down to the beach. As usual, they fall quiet as they contemplate the water. Desi rests her head on Pete’s shoulder.

‘I’ll miss you.’

He puts his arm around her and kisses her hair, as he has done so many times before, but this time feels different. In each of their gestures there is new promise.

‘I want you to think about something while I’m gone,’ Pete says. ‘I’m considering moving to Sumatra, long-term. You’d be great at the release station. The orphaned orang-utans need a mother figure, someone who can stay for years. I think you’d love it.’

‘I probably would,’ Desi murmurs. ‘But I need to make sure Maya is okay first.’

‘Fair enough,’ Pete says. ‘And now it’s probably time I got going.’ He gets to his feet and grabs his empty glass, then helps to pull her up. He heads into the house to collect his things before making his way to the front door. As he’s leaving, he spots a DVD box on Desi’s front table and picks it up.

‘Where did you get this from?’

He sees her pause. ‘A friend lent it to me.’

He studies the cover and puts it down again. ‘Do me a favour and give it back,’ he says. ‘Believe me, after everything that’s happened to you, you don’t want to watch that.’ And he heads for the door.