Lost in Distraction

Chapter Four



I wake up around 8 a.m. and lay in bed for a while, just looking at the ceiling. I had another nightmare last night, but it didn’t last long before I woke up, bathed in sweat and shaking. They’ve been coming frequently again.

It’s the same dream every time.

It starts with me, coming home from school camp the day after it had happened, having no idea what the hell what is going on when the Principal ushers me off the bus and takes me down to her office where the school counselor is waiting for us. Then she tells me that my family is gone and, as if she’s speaking my own thoughts, tells me I’m now all alone.

The dream plays out exactly as it all happened. I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on it now and sometimes I think it would’ve been better if they had just come out and said the truth—that in reality my family had been tortured and shot at point blank range. How in the space of a few hours, my successful and loving father, my doting mother, and my innocent ten year old sister were ripped from my life.

My sweet sister Paige didn’t even get a chance at life. She had dreams and she had hopes. She used to tell me she wanted to be a nurse when she grew up, and she would have been a great one! She was so caring, a natural nurturer. She got that from my mom, who was amazing.

I remember mom being there every morning when we left for school and every afternoon when we got home. She would ask me about my day and always showed an interest in everything Paige and I did. My father was a workaholic, always telling me that hard work never killed anyone. When he was at home, he treated us like princesses and in many ways my dad was, and still is, my hero.

After their deaths, the news reports that suggested that his business was the reason for the attack. There were investigations, but no suspect ever came to light and nothing incriminating was found with his company.

My company now, I suppose.

My nightmares always end the same way. Me, walking into my old house that is now red with blood, and coming face to the face with their killer. His black eyes boring into me as we stand in front of each other, unable to move. I see the sparkle in his eyes as he raises the gun towards me, telling me that I’m next. That is when I wake up shaking, tears clinging to my face and my pajamas wet with sweat.

My thoughts are scattered after my dream, but soon enough they return to Brax. The kiss was a surprise and may have been a small moment in time, but to me it was everything. When he put his finger under my chin and lifted my face to his so I couldn’t avoid his gaze any longer, I found it hard to breathe. My heart was racing and my palms were clammy.

I knew the moment our lips touched that the tingly feeling was more than just a physical reaction. I hardly know him, yet I know Brax has already touched my soul. I want to see him again. I want to spend more time getting to know him, finding out what makes him tick and working out how he has managed to do what I haven’t been able to do for the past three years.

Make me feel something again.

Watching him yesterday in the library and last night at the restaurant, I can tell there is an air of authority about him. His movements are calculated, almost mechanical. It’s obvious he was in the Army. You can see it in the way he walks and the way he is always looking around, like he is scanning his surroundings.

Dammit. I can’t deny that Brax has an effect on me like no one else.



After leaving her apartment last night, I send Shay a text asking to meet up. He’s like my verbal conscience, something I need right now since I seem to be ignoring mine every opportunity I get.

We meet up at a bar a few blocks away from my house. After ordering us a round of beers and bringing them back to our seats, Shay sits down and looks at me. I know this look. He’s waiting for me to lay it all out for him. I sent him a text when Elle was having her panic attack in the bathroom before dinner. She must have thought I couldn’t hear her talking to herself and it took every ounce of self-control not to laugh, but it was damn cute.

I tell Shay everything. What I felt when I saw Elle’s photo in the file, the sorrow I felt reading about her background, and the tragedy of losing her family. Nobody should ever have to face losing their world in one fateful night. It was just pure luck she was not there too.

I finish my verbal confession to Shay with the kiss. It may not have been a ‘hold on to your coat tails’ kind of kiss, or a deep plunging exploration of each other, but it was mind blowing all the same. A kiss that showed the possibilities, the desire to do more.

All in all, a total and utter mind f*ck.

Shay looks at me, shaking his head, “Dude, you know this can’t happen. You’re putting everything at risk, especially her.”

“I know man, but it’s like we’re magnets. She is amazing. She is surprisingly strong and she has no idea how beautiful she is. There is no sense of entitlement or ego. She doesn’t let anybody get close and from what the file says, she hasn’t let anybody get close for a very long time. But she seems to be opening up to me.”

“B, you can’t do this. You’ll get pulled off the job if Gibbons finds out,” he says, desperate for me to see sense.

“Only if they find out, Shay. I’m not going to tell them and I know you won’t, either. Maybe getting closer to her will help me protect her. She might confide in me and I might be able to find out more about her father’s business and any deals he had going. Isn’t that what Gibbons is hoping for? To find out about her and her father?”

I’m desperately trying to justify my position here, and I can tell Shay isn’t buying it.

“I trust you, B. I know you’ll do the best by us and the job. Just be careful, okay?”

It is as sentimental as we ever get with each other. None of that man hugging business or whacked out handshakes here. “Yeah, man. Now give me the low-down about these developments you mentioned earlier.”

And just like that, we’re back to business.

Shay and I leave the bar around midnight, and I walk by Elle’s apartment just as a precautionary check. I look up and see her lights are off and smile. I hope I haven’t freaked her out too much with the kiss. I couldn’t stop myself. The moment she turned towards me, and I saw that she was battling with her own conscience over what to do next, I made the decision for her. God, I can’t wait until I can kiss her again, but next time it’ll be a deep, plunging, mind-bending kiss that leaves her burning for more. I walk over to my parked car down the road from her place and settle in for the night.



After lying in bed for a good hour, I decide I need to get up and do something constructive with my Saturday. I shower and make some eggs for breakfast before I decide to go for a run, changing into my yoga pants and a tank top. When I reach the street, I turn towards the park and notice a man sitting in his car a few feet away from my building. He’s just sitting there, looking around. That is a bit weird. Maybe he’s waiting for something? I shrug my shoulders and push play on my mp3. A song about being the only girl in the world blasts in my ears and I start running, the song setting a nice easy rhythm to move to. I may not have known him for very long but already this song reminds me of Brax. When we’re together, he makes me feel like I’m the only girl in his world.

It’s nice.

I started running a year after the murders. I was struggling to leave the house on a daily basis and just wanted to shut myself away from the world. My therapist suggested I try running, and it was the best suggestion anyone ever made. It is a great coping mechanism, helping me clear my mind and block out the world for an hour or two.

But today, I can’t get the kiss with Braxton off my mind. Thinking of his lips on mine makes them tingle again. It was so intense I could barely breathe. Just mere inches apart and staring into those ice blue eyes of his, I was lost. And, to be honest, I don’t know that I want to be found.

A song about Bonnie and Clyde starts playing in my ears and I slow down to a slow jog as I approach my building. I know I need to cool down and stretch so that my muscles don’t seize up. I learned that lesson the hard way. I check my watch—it’s been about thirty minutes—and when I look back up I see that the guy in the car is still here. He’s just sitting in his car, but looking down like he’s trying not to be noticed. I pause when I realize he could be a photographer or a journalist. It’s no secret that I’m going to college on the East Coast, but I thought they’d leave me alone now.

Obviously not.

Shaking my head I turn up my music and start running, I need to clear my head.



Shay calls me bright and early to inform me Elle has gone for a run. I scramble out of my bed and throw on some shorts and black wife-beater along with my running shoes. A quick splash of water to my face and I’m out the door, running towards the park. Shay can’t move from his post outside her building, not without it looking obvious, so I have to follow her instead. My mp3 player changes songs and suddenly I’m running along with a song about losing yourself to the music blasting in my ears. I smile to myself. It’s a f*cking fantastic song to run to.

I reach the park and see Elise running in the distance ahead of me. She’s in her own little bubble again. I can see headphones in her ears so she must be listening to music, like me. I wonder what she likes to run to. Maybe pop songs, chicks love that shit.

I adjust my pace to match hers, but make sure that I’m far enough behind that I’m not noticeable. I wish I could just tell her I’m watching out for her. Maybe the closer we get, the more I can admit. I chastise myself. No, she can’t ever know. There goes that conscience again.

She starts heading for her building after about an hour. I stop when she’s around the corner from her place and text Shay to tell him he’s on again. I turn around and start walking back to my house. A good way to cool down and stretch my muscles at the same time. While my phone is still in my hand, I decide to text Elise. I can’t wait to see her again. I hope it’s not soon. Maybe she’s shut down again after our kiss. A light hearted text message will gauge how she’s feeling this morning.

Brax: Hey babe, how are you this morning?

Elise: Hey yourself. I’m great, just got in from a run. Pegged you for the sleep-in-late type

Brax: LOL. Nope, early bird gets the worm and all that. Want to hang out later. I can come over this afternoon

She doesn’t reply straight away. Shit. Time to back track.

Brax: or we could just meet somewhere, no pressure or anything

Damn she’s still not replying.

I get home, and I hop in the shower, needing to cool off after my run and thoughts about Elle’s ass moving up and down in front of me. I tried not to look but hell, I’m a guy and she has a nice ass. Especially when she runs. I check my phone again when I get back to my room and I’m relieved to see a text from her.

Elise: Hey, no my place sounds good. We could watch a movie or something. What do you like to watch?

I want to say thrillers, but I stop myself.

Brax: Drama or comedy, I’m pretty easy.

Elise: *Giggles* I bet you are.

I crack up laughing. I didn’t realize she’d take it like that, but damn she is cute as hell. She has a bit of spunk to her and I can just imagine her sitting there with a grin. Two can play this game.

Brax: Bet you’d love to find out. See you in about an hour?

Elise: Yeah, sounds good. I’ll find something for us to watch. See you soon.



After a quick tidy up of the house, I have a super quick shower and put some makeup on. I want to look good for Brax.

His text kind of threw me for a loop. I honestly didn’t expect to hear from him so soon. I check Netflix to find a movie we can watch, secretly glad he didn’t say he liked thrillers or horror. I’ve had moments in the past where certain scenes have triggered a panic attack and I’ll never be able to watch horror movies again. I settle on a movie about a college music competition, something light and funny.

I’m putting together some snacks in the kitchen when I hear the doorbell. I open the door to see Brax standing there with Chinese takeout and a ridiculously cute grin on his face. I let him in and can’t help but grin. That warm feeling is back. After being cold inside for so long I find I’m welcoming it. And the more time I spend with Brax, the more I feel it. I grab some plates, and we set our food on the coffee table.

“So what are we watching, babe?” Brax asks while dishing up his plate.

I look at him, raising my eyebrow at his term of endearment.

“Babe?” I say with a smile.

“Aww come on, Elle. It just slipped out,” he explains with a cute grin that makes me melt.

I can’t help but smile back. “It’s okay. To tell you the truth, I kind of like it,” I reply, avoiding his gaze. I haven’t got a lot of experience at this flirting thing, but he’s making it easy.

The movie starts and we sit on opposite ends of the couch, enjoying our food and watching college kids trying to sing in tune. I can’t help but laugh at the silliness of it. As I giggle away, almost forgetting that I have company, I glance over and see Brax turned to his side, watching me. He lifts his arm onto the top of the couch, gesturing for me to join him. I move over a bit so I can lean into him and rest my head in the crook of his shoulder. Wow, I’m enveloped in heat now. Not just warmth, but it is pure unadulterated heat. I can feel his heartbeat through his chest and its racing almost as fast as mine. Shit, I’ve never felt anything like this before. What’s going on?

The moment I looked up at him I knew he was going to kiss me and there was no way in hell I was going to stop him. As he leans down and takes my mouth, I open my lips to him, granting him access.

For the first time in a long time, I feel like I’m home.